“I’m not as officer as you drunk I am *starts mauling police officer*”
~A Drunk Monkey
Humans separate themselves from the rest of the animal kingdom through their advanced culture, their intellectual pursuits, and their appreciation of Shark Week. Sure, there might be more to the difference between man and beast, but at the end of the day, many creatures on this planet are a lot like us, only much tastier. It’s this disconnect between our similarities and differences with the animal world that finds us constantly striving to anthropomorphize pets and wild creatures—you put a sweater on your severely overheated poodle and it’s cute, because he thinks he’s people. We like seeing animals “act human” but it’s typically pretty forced. Yes, that is a cute YouTube video of a dog walking on its hind legs, but that’s just because he was incessantly trained to do that. But there is one area where, with minimal human interference, animals are just like us.
They like to get drunk.
So, we will take a momentary break from our established credo of “Fuck Nature” to give our furry animal friends a break, and talk about how they like to get shitcanned drunk, just like us. Granted, if some of you take that to the logical conclusion that the alcohol probably makes these cute little critters taste even better, we won’t stop you.
A Brief History of Animals Getting Drunk