Category Archives: Strange America

America can get weird with is sometimes. We like it, we support it, and we broadcast it for the world to see.

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 4- Names That Are Also Penis Jokes, Because We Are Grown Adults)

“Haha, we have the emotional maturity of children.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt

 dick van dyke

You knew it was just a matter of time until this would happen. After devoting nearly 4,000 words to celebrities with stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame who are either kind of famous (but shouldn’t have stars), super obscure (and randomly have stars), and have silly names (and stars) we’ve landed on the most important part of this whole endeavor.

Dick jokes.

Okay, okay, we’re kidding, you got us, no we’re not going to just write an entire article of “people with stars on the Walk of Fame who have a pun for male genitalia somewhere in their name.” No, that would be childish, ridiculous and, frankly, unprofessional.

There’s also a name with the word “butt” in there.

Listen, we’re not happy about it either, but this is happening, so strap on in.

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 4- Names That Are Also Penis Jokes, Because We Are Grown Adults)

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An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 3- Silly Names)

“Tee-hee, look at the name on that star.”

~Tourists walking down the Hollywood Walk of Fame

 walk of fame

We’ve already written two articles about the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and specifically about the people who manage to get their name put on stars that make us think, “…Huh. Really?” We’ve already talked about some famous people who might not be super deserving, as well as some people we have never fucking heard of that are scattered throughout. But now we’re going to go to our favorite section—people who got their stars despite being people we’ve never heard of who also have extremely silly names.

And no, we’re not going to have names that sound like dirty jokes. That would be juvenile. Also, we’re saving all those for part four. Here we go!

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 3- Silly Names)

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An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 2- Much, Much, Much Less Famous, but Equally Confusing Entries)

“What do you mean no one knows who I am anymore? I got a star on the Walk of Fame, dammit!”

~Wesley Ruggles

holly wood star

Last week, we posted an article about famous celebrities who have a star on the Walk of Fame that maybe, just maybe, proved that getting a star has less to do with your achievements and more to do with your willingness to find someone to spend $40,000 on the damn thing. But despite the amount of shit we gave Bobby Flay for his Hollywood star, all the people included in our first article were at least some amount of famous to today’s culture.

But Hollywood has been around for a while, and let’s just say that not all the stars on the Walk of Fame have aged particularly gracefully. So for our second Hollywood Walk of Fame article, we will focus on people who, sure, may have been big deals a half century ago, but now simply elicit blank stares of, “…Who?” when we come across their name today. Consider this, we don’t know, a history lesson or something.

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 2- Much, Much, Much Less Famous, but Equally Confusing Entries)

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An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 1- Famous But Confusing Entries)

“Meh, I’m good.”

~Clint Eastwood, When Nominated For a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

rugrats

Ever since it opened to the public in 1960, the Hollywood Walk of Fame has held a special place as an arbiter of cultural importance. You know someone’s made it when they get their name on a star. It shows that they’re real giants of the industry. You know, your John Waynes, your Steven Spielbergs, your Levar Burtons. However, the process for getting a star might not be quite as selective as you’d think. It largely depends on agreeing to show up to the ceremony, and getting a third party to pay $40,000 for the application fee. Sure, there’s a committee that has to determine if you’re “worth” the star, but that’s more of a formality than anything else. Which means that people who are, let’s say, fringe candidates get stars surprisingly often.

And as a result, there are some…let’s say strange stars on the Walk of Fame. So, we did some digging, and helped come up with an incomplete list of stars that have been given to people (or things) that we find generally bemusing. Since there were so many (seriously there are so many stars on the damn thing) we decided to split it into four parts. Here’s part one, entries that you’ve definitely heard of, but when you hear they got a star on the Walk of Fame your initial response would be…really?

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 1- Famous But Confusing Entries)

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The Worst Sports Fan Apparel Ever Made

“I just wanted to root for the Cubs, why do we have to bring death into this?”

~Normal Baseball Fans

cubs shirt

Look at that right there. That, friends, is a bad idea for a sports shirt. It’s not for sale anymore since, you know, the Cubs won one before many (not all ☹) people died. But as sports apparel, it’s shockingly bad. It’s awkward, it’s weird, and it makes everyone involved uncomfortable. And it’s hardly unique among athletic paraphernalia. There are a shocking amount of shirts, jerseys, and, well, miscellaneous items out there for sale that are intended to show your mettle as a true “super fan” that back fire in truly spectacular ways. Here are some of those items.

The Worst Sports Fan Apparel Ever Made

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10 Ridiculous Items Built By Car Companies (That Aren’t Cars)

“Sure, we make cars, but you know what we don’t make?  Not cars.”

~Car Companies, apparently?

fast car

It’s no real secret that car companies don’t just use their vast infrastructure and manufacturing facilities to sell cars.  Nissan makes boat engines, Toyota makes luxury yachts, and Hummer makes you look like a douche.  But some items that car makers manufacture are, let’s say, surprising.  So surprising, in fact, that we had no idea they existed until it was brought to our attention by loyal reader Mark from Foosball Zone.  He did the bulk of the research for this article, which we then scrapped and re-wrote ourselves, because we’re kind of jerks like that.  But seriously, hit up his site and give him some love, and thanks Mark for working with us on this as our primary researcher.

Oh, what’s that?  You want to know what the article is going to be about?  Okay, fair, we got a bit ahead of ourselves with our legal disclaimer of how we stole an article but like, didn’t steal steal an article, but here you go.

10 Ridiculous Items Built By Car Companies (That Aren’t Cars)

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Chang and Eng Bunker Were America’s Original Siamese Twins

“But how did they…you know…”

Trust Us, We’ve Been Wondering the Same Thing, All We’ve Got Are Theories at This Point

chang and eng

We as a species have been making humans for long enough that we’ve mostly got the kinks worked out. Two people get sweaty together, nine months later a new person comes out, and typically that person has a set number of fingers, toes and, like, bones.  Listen we’re not biologists or whatever, but you get the point.  However, sometimes that whole process doesn’t exactly work out as intended, which is what happened to Chang and Eng Bunker, two Thai-Americans born in the early 19th century.  Specifically, their number of fingers, toes and, like, bones…well, sort of doubled. Yes, as you’ve probably figured out from the picture just above this inelegant paragraph, Chang and Eng Bunker were conjoined twins.  Actually, they’re kind of the reason why conjoined twins are called Siamese twins, and will be about 75% of the time no matter how angry you get about it online. Despite being born in a time and place with the odds stacked against them in the most impressive way possible, they actually ended up living a full and American life.  They pretty much represented the American Dream (okay but with more slave owning, *cringe*).

Here’s their story.

Chang and Eng Bunker Were America’s Original Siamese Twins

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The Five Most Ridiculous Beverages That Come in Kegs

“Update: for the right price u can put anything in a keg”

~Actual Yahoo Answers User

keg

Everyone loves kegs because they represent, essentially, unlimited beer.  Do you know how much beer you can get from a single keg?  If you go with a half barrel, you’ve got yourself 165 bottles of beer.  That’s so much beer for just a few people—let’s be honest, most of the time you get one of those suckers for a party, unless it’s a barnburner, you’re not going to use the whole keg (challenge accepted).

But at least drinking an entire keg of beer seems doable.  Sure, you have to deal with a shitload of beer, but you can handle that. It’s beer.  Beer can be drunk, lots of it, in a short period of time.  But did you know that we put other things in kegs?  Other…strange things?  Well we do.  Not all of them were particularly thought through, though.

The Five Most Ridiculous Beverages That Come in Kegs

plants in keg

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8 of the Most Ridiculous Items for Sale on Goop.com

“Okay, we need a joke for the header about Goop.  Like, something like, what does Goop rhyme with?  Oh, got it!  Goop?  More like….. STOOPid.  More like stupid.  Perfect, put it in the article, I’m so drunk right now.”

~AFFotD

goop

America, let’s talk about Goop.  Like, you all know what it is—the lifestyle brand run by Gwyneth Paltrow that’s kind of extra?  We’ve not really covered it here (in fact we’ve not once talked about it in the seven and a half years of this website’s existence) because, well, it’s a bit much, isn’t it?  The name, the snake oil salesman tactics, the prices, oh God, the prices.   It’s all just so very extra.

But hey, for better or for worse, Goop is a part of American culture.  Granted, it’s a very specific type of independently wealthy coastal woman in her 30’s culture, but a culture nonetheless.  So we’ll give Goop it’s due in the only way we can think of.

8 of the Most Ridiculous Items for Sale on Goop.com

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Aritcley McArticleface: An Incomplete List of Things Named Blanky McBlankface

“Haha McJokeyface, amiright?”

~Like, The Worst Stand-Up Comic

boaty mcboatface

Pretty much the whole world remembers the time in 2016 that the British government got the brilliant notion to crowdsource the internet to name their new $287 million polar research ship, and the internet, being the internet, overwhelmingly went with “Boaty McBoatface.”  It was a silly, goofy, harmless little internet prank that has since spiraled a bit out of control, since now everything that exists in the world falls into two camps—things named “Something McSomethingface” and things that people overwhelmingly voted to be named “Something McSomethingface” before the powers that be stepped in and said, “No we’re not doing that, that’s stupid.”

Our official stance on this phenomenon is, sure it’s getting kind of old, but it’s funny and stupid, and we thrive on funny and stupid, so we’re all for it.  In fact, as our service to the internet, we’re going to look for anything we can find that has some sort of Blanky McBlankface name, and put it here in one continuously edited article, so you too can see how much free time our staff has on their hands.  And yes, we will be maintaining this—if at any point we come across a new vehicle or animal or thing that actually got named some version of Boaty McBoatface, we will add it here.  And if you, our loyal readers, find something, feel free to leave it in the comments, or email it to us at americafunfact@gmail.com.

Now, before we begin, a few ground rules.   No, we won’t include items that won a fan vote but weren’t ever used, like that time people tried to name a school Schoolie McSchoolface.  And we won’t be listing dumb pranks like SoccerCity SD purposefully having people vote to name their MLS team Footy McFooty Face.  And we definitely will try to avoid posting fake news names, like the story that never actually happened about the Chinese Gorilla named Harambe McHarambeface.  Will some fake ones make this list accidentally?  Eh, probably, we’ll do our best to minimize that but it’s not exactly going to cause us to lose sleep at night.  And finally, we won’t be including people’s Twitter handles or fake Facebook profiles, even if that means that we have to unfortunately leave the guy with the screenname “Racist McShootFace” who bid $65 million for George Zimmerman’s gun off our list.

But otherwise, anything goes, including pets, drawings, and a whole bunch of stuff that we will be pissed off for agreeing to chronicle two years down the line.

Aritcley McArticleface: An Incomplete List of Things Named Blanky McBlankface

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