“Do. Not. Fuck. With. Our. Whiskey.”
~18th Century Americans/19th Century Americans/20th Century Americans/You Get The Gist
America was founded under a few core principles. Now, it’s been a while since we’ve skimmed through the Declaration of Independence, and if you put a gun to our head we’d still not be able to tell you what the Third Amendment of the Constitution does, but we’re pretty sure America is all about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness through the imbibement of alcohol. Nope, that’s right, we nailed it on the first try, don’t even try to ask Google if that’s right they’ll just steal your cookies and put them on boat servers and sell them to Nigerian Princes (besides being keen historians, we’re also internet experts).
We bring this up because we’d like to tell you about a very important history tale, from America’s distant past. Imagine, if you will, a time when America’s very existence could be threatened by even the smallest of threats. Picture a government trying to tax our booze to pay for war debts. And imagine people rising up and saying, “Get your hands off our fucking booze” with enough anger and violence that it marks the only time that an acting President led troops to battle.
Yes, that’s right, we’re here to talk about the Whiskey Rebellion, the relatively minor yet strangely important hiccup in American history that, naturally, was centered around our nation’s love of alcohol.
Get Your Hands Off My Bottle: A Short History of the Whiskey Rebellion