“Hmm, I could buy one bottle of whiskey, or, OR, I could get drunk every day, for my whole life, on very good whiskey, and still not pay that much. Decisions, decisions.”
~Practical American Booze Shoppers
When we set out to bring you the closest thing to a comprehensive list of the world’s most expensive whiskeys that a writing staff of buzzed and lightly drunk gluttons could put together, we didn’t know what to expect. We’ve covered the most expensive versions of various items here before, from pizza and hamburgers to yachts to even vodka, and as much as we wholeheartedly endorse waste and greed, we can’t ever get past the whole “if you can buy a thousand bottles of liquor for the price of one stupid status symbol, why not just go for bulk instead” mindset of things.
Our view on excess generally boils down to the following—take a hundred pounds of butter and carve it into a cow? You keep doing you, you glorious American bastard. But spend $10,000 on a single bottle of alcohol? Is that really better than, say, 300 bottle of Woodford Reserve?
With that caveat in mind, we were (somewhat) pleasantly surprised to see that none of the entries of most expensive whiskeys come from the United States.
, 99 times out of 100, when we see someone doing something better than America we start frothing at the mouth while demanding an immediate arms race, economy be damned, but in this instance, we’re happy to cede the title to the Scots, especially since, if you’re patient and really looking to flex your alcohol spending powers, $200 and knowing the right people can get most Americans the best whiskey in the world.
With that in mind, it’s time to delve into the world’s most expensive whiskeys. We can guarantee you will never have the opportunity to take even a sip of any of these, so it’s best to just tell yourself they all taste like shoe leather and that everyone who purchased it immediately uttered, “Dear God, what have I done” as soon as they tried it.