Category Archives: Fried Foods

America loves frying food almost as much as America loves eating fried foods. Which is to say, EAT YOUR SLOP TUBBY SU-WEE SU-WEE OINK OINK PIGGIES!!!!

But seriously, fried food is delicious.

The Best (And Weirdest) New Fried Foods At the 2015 Iowa and Minnesota State Fairs

“My…heart…tell my family…I died happy…”

~Iowa and Minnesota State Fair Food Critic

fried chicken

Here at America Fun Fact of the Day, we take great pride in the American practice of taking a (usually unhealthy) food and dunking it in bubbling oil until it becomes a borderline public health risk.  And as much as we love fried food, we also love its brother, random unhealthy shit we decided to make for a State Fair.  Most fried food innovations come from our State Fairs, which follows the fairly American logic of “well if we’re going to try to force Americans to get outside and walk around, we should probably entice them with the ability to eat a deep fried version of something they’ve never eaten fried before.”

2015 has been no exception to this rule, with the Iowa and Minnesota state fairs coming out with lists of their brand new, never seen before unhealthy food items that we are so excited to try as an excuse to test out that new defibrillator we just bought.  Oh, and we might as well let you know about some of the more ridiculous ones too.

The Best (Or Weirdest) New Fried Foods At the 2015 Iowa and Minnesota State Fairs

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7 Boozy Deep-Fried Alcohol Treats

“My…heart…my…liver…tell…my family…it was worth it.”

~Consumers of fried alcohol

fried foods

Ever since Reese’s came up with the groundbreaking decision that sweet things taste good with peanut butter, it’s been a commonly accepted practice in American culture to ignore “common sense” or “that pain in your chest” and combine things that are delicious, logic be damned.  Do you like beer, and meat?  Meatbeer!  Do you like doughnuts, and hamburgers?  Get that man a fucking Luther Burger!  Do you like Taco Bell (read as: are currently drunk and on the way home from the bars) and Doritos?  How the fuck have you not had a Doritos Locos Taco yet, that’s literally the sole reason why Taco Bell is still a viable fast food establishment!  What is wrong with you!?

The point being, when America loves two things, like, say, a Labrador Retriever and a Poodle, we like to force them together through unholy acts and hope that we end up with a pleasing end result, like a Labradoodle.  Well, guess what.  We love fried food.  And we love booze.  We think you can guess where this is going.

We’re going to get a Labradoodle drunk and then feed it a shitload of fried food.

Wait, what’s that?  Oh, no, we’re just going to tell you about people who deep fry alcohol.  Yeah, that sounds pretty good, let’s do that.

7 Boozy Deep-Fried Alcohol Treats

fried whiskey

                                                                      (photo courtesy of thrillist)

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America’s Craziest Fried Foods: 2013 Edition

“It’s been so long since we’ve talked about fried foods, my Cholesterol  levels have almost gone done to healthy levels.  Almost.”

~AFFotD Food Critic, John Goodman

fried dollar

Fried food.  Crunchy goodness.  Grease’s children.  The culinary manifestation of a fat man punching himself in the heart.  Whatever you call it, battering food and dipping it in boiling oil is as American as apple pie, assuming that you battered the apple pie and immersed it in boiling oil beforehand.  We’ve documented the cutting edge of American fried foods six times before, but it’s been about a year since we’ve sat down and scoured the dumpsters of our nation’s state fairs to find the latest in delicious food that technically can be considered a murder weapon in several of our more obese states.   And that is far too long to go without terrifyingly complex fried foods.

So grab onto your nutritionist’s desperate letters urging you to, “Stop, for the love of God, do you have a death wish?” because things are about to get a little unhealthy.

America’s Craziest Fried Foods:  2013 Edition

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America’s 7 Craziest Doughnut Sandwiches

“It’s magnificent.  It’s glorious.  I can see a beautiful shining light.  I’m heading towards it.”

~Every American With A Pre-Existing Heart Condition Eating Any Item On This List

donut sandwich

Doughnuts.  They’re so hot right now.  Doughnuts.  While doughnuts have been fattening Americans up under the guise of “Breakfast” for hundreds of years, they’ve recently experience a renaissance among those brave individuals who like to intake their sugary carbs in savory or alcoholic forms.  We now live in a world where any doughnut shop that doesn’t make a maple bacon doughnut is full of shit, and if you’ve never tried a doughnut covered in fruit loops you’re not legally allowed to vote in Oregon.

What once was just a simple fried dough confectionery for the masses has now evolved farther than it was ever intended, sort of like New Jersey.  But unlike New Jersey, the vast majority of the strange, bewildering doughnut products that we’re being exposed to are actually delicious, enjoyable, and something you’d consider taking home to your parents.  Your fat parents.  From the fat side of your family.  That you eat fatty foods with.  Just…fat…fat… JUST LISTEN THIS IS A LIST OF SANDWICHES MADE WITH DOUGHNUTS YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THEM RIGHT NOW FAT FAT ALL AT ONCE FAT FAT FATTIE SOO-WEE SOO-WEE OINK OINK OINK!!!!! oh wow, Jesus Christ, we don’t know what happened there.  We started looking at our research for this article, and everything went red for a second, and when we woke up we were covered in jam somehow.  God, we hope it’s jam.

Anyway, the 2010s have been a revolutionary time for people who like doughnuts, but hate the fact that you can’t buy them with additionally unhealthy foods in the middle.  And they’ve gone out of their way to correct this oversight by making…

America’s 7 Craziest Doughnut Sandwiches

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America’s Fried Foods: Part 6

“Okay, okay, cool it with the fried foods, my…my chest, my chest hurts, it really hurts…”

~AFFotD Food Critic, John Goodman

We’ve made it a habit to go out of our way to tell you about fried foods that most people would consider “impossible” or “an abomination” or “as a professional cardiologist, I think it is criminally irresponsible for you to be consuming this much fried food.”  That’s because as soon as we tell you about a new, insane fried food (fried beer, anyone?) some glorious American decides to fry something even more insane (like, say, a frozen margarita).

This is called capitalism (also obesity) and it is the reason why this country is great.  It’s with that spirit in mind that we present to you even more American glory, with…

America’s Fried Foods:  Part 6

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America’s Most Insane Fried Foods: Part 5

“MOAR!  GODDAMN IT I SAID MOAR!”

~AFFotD Food Critic, John Goodman

As we’ve mentioned time and time and time again, America loves Fried Food even more than we love Hulk Hogan, and don’t get us started about how much America loves the Hulkster.  The moment you choose to fry a food, you make it unhealthy and therefore delicious, and anytime someone says, “I don’t think you can deep fry that” they are automatically deported back to France and are placed in forced mime labor camps, where they must spend their days wearing white face makeup while they pretend to break and move boulders while trapped inside invisible boxes.  And they totally deserve their fate—when someone asks you if you would eat a deep fried sports car, the correct answer is, “Holy shit, where can I find that!” not “Uh, no, you…you realize that our bodies can’t consume metal, no matter what you do to it, right?”

And as summer approaches, so does State Fair season, which is that magical time of year where aspiring fry chefs look to get middle America as fat as possible without causing their hearts to explode, like some obesity version of Jenga (once things start wobbling you have to wait for it to settle before finishing the piece).  So in that fine American tradition, we are here to clue you in on even more fried foods created to take you that one step closer to just giving up and intravenously pumping melted butter into your arteries between meals.

America’s Most Insane Fried Foods:  Part 5

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America’s Fried Foods: Part 4

“You guys gotta ease up on me here, the doctor says I can’t keep trying all these insane fried foods.”

~AFFotD Food Critic, John Goodman

We’ve made no secret of the fact that we love us some fried foods.  And we especially love fried food that strives to be as unhealthy as possible.  And it gets us so excited we can’t even sum up our article that includes fried beer.  Yes, fried foods are an important part of American culture, keeping health care rates down while lowering instances of heart disease amongst middle aged Americans (or the opposite of those things, whatever).  And as Americans continue trying to deep fry foods with reckless abandon, blindly dipping new foods into deep fryers like a kid trying to mix together as many slushy flavors as he can fit inside his 7-eleven cup, so too are we here to present you with…

America’s Fried Foods:  Part 4

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Onion Rings Are Fried American Goodness

“If it’s a vegetable, just cover it in dough and fry away the nature.”

~George Washington’s little-known cook book


In America, we like our food like we like our cars:  fast, greasy, and with scores of open containers of alcohol.  There’s a reason why you can’t think of a worthwhile American painter from the past 50 years but you can name a dozen fried food items you’ve ordered at a bar at one point in your life (French fries, jalapeno poppers, fried mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, nachos, fried shrimp, chicken wings, need we go on?)   Yes, fried foods are delicious and unhealthy and sometimes involve beer, and we’ve told you plenty about the absurd combination of fried food goodness that exists in this nation.  But every so often, it’s time for us to take a step back and praise something absurdly unhealthy, yet so common place that we almost forget how special it truly is.

What we’re trying to say is…dammit Onion Rings, we can’t seem to quit you.  Here.  Have a fun fact.  A delicious, greasy fun fact.

We’re a classy enterprise, so we don’t feel it prudent to point out that this looks like a penis.

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(Even More of) America’s Most Ridiculous Fried Foods

“Holy boozy mother of fried mercy.”

~AFFotD Food Critic, John Goodman


You see what that is up there?  Chicken fried bacon.  We just figured we should rip that band-aid off right away, and let your brain adjust to that.  You know how, when you’re Scuba Diving, you’re not supposed to surface too quickly?  Well looking at this picture puts you all in danger of coming down with the Fried Food Bends.  It’s too much too fast.  You’re going to end up as an early Radiohead album.  Only, you know, fatter.

AFFotD has always been on the vangard of introducing you to the most terrifying foods that carnivals and deep friers have to offer.  It’s our duty to inform you of the most efficient ways to get calories in your body faster than Kirstie Alley falling into a vat of butter.  How else are we supposed to earn our blood money from Wendy’s if we don’t create a dozen new fat people everyday?  That’s right, we couldn’t, and their hired goons would ensure that our entrails were never found.  And we happen to like our entrails very much.  Which is why we’re here to team up with our ally, transfats, and present to you…

(Even More of) America’s Most Ridiculous Fried Foods

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Another Look Into America’s Craziest Fried Foods

“MOAR.”

~John Goodman

Several months ago, AFFotD risks arterial integrity to inform you, the hopefully soon-to-be-morbidly-obese American, about the glory that is unhealthy, generally Deep-Fried Carnival food.  And while this list did help cover the basics, such as telling you about hamburgers with Deep-Fried doughnuts instead of buns, as well as creating a few butter fetishists out there, we feel that our list was missing a few key Deep-Fried components.

Yes that is a Deep-Fried shoe.

As summer makes a point to cover Americans in a fine sheen of sweat, Americans make it their duty to ensure that this sweat will be at least 75% grease.  AFFotD can feel your pain, as all too often do Americans accidentally mistake baby carrots for Cheetos and consume their yearly allotment of vegetables (read as:  One vegetable is too much).  And for every time you’ve been tricked into drinking fruit and vegetable juice by the evil V8 corporation, we at AFFotD make it our duty to make sure you can balance that shit out with food items so unhealthy that heart attacks don’t even eat them, saying, “Woah there, that’s a bit too rich for my tastes.”

To which a true American of course would respond, “OM NOM NOM, belch” to the following foods.

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