How do Midwesterners ever live past 40? Are their hearts made out of Adamantium?”
~Non-Midwesterners Reading About Popular Midwestern Sandwiches
Another day, another discussion of sandwiches coming long after you’ve tossed up your hands and screamed, “AFFotD, listen, I get it, there are a lot of sandwiches out there, you don’t have to tell us about every damn one!” Well too late reader, by the time you’ve read this, they’ve all been written, and nothing can stop us from posting them, so you’re going to take your two more weeks of sandwich articles and like it!
Anyway, we’re moving on to the Midwest now in our regional portion of sandwich celebration. As stated in the first article of the series, there will be no discussion of hot dogs, and we’ve also covered regional favorites such as the Italian Beef (though we put that picture up there because, God, how good does that look right now?). But don’t worry, there will be plenty of unhealthy food items, even from Chicago despite our decision not to include literally every food they’re famous for, for you to stuff down your gullet before sobbingly calling your dietitian to apologize for cheating. Westward, ho!
American Sandwich Series: Lesser-Known Regional Sandwiches of America (Midwest Edition)
Posted in America's Best Foods, America's Culinary Treats, The American Sandwich Series
Tagged America, American Sandwich Series, Chicago, Gym Shoe, Jim Shoe, Midwest, Midwest Sandwiches, Mother in Law, Pork Tenderloin Sandwich, Runza, Sandwich, sandwiches, Sloppy Joe, St. Paul Sandwich, Tavern Sandwich
“It’s magnificent. It’s glorious. I can see a beautiful shining light. I’m heading towards it.”
~Every American With A Pre-Existing Heart Condition Eating Any Item On This List
Doughnuts. They’re so hot right now. Doughnuts. While doughnuts have been fattening Americans up under the guise of “Breakfast” for hundreds of years, they’ve recently experience a renaissance among those brave individuals who like to intake their sugary carbs in savory or alcoholic forms. We now live in a world where any doughnut shop that doesn’t make a maple bacon doughnut is full of shit, and if you’ve never tried a doughnut covered in fruit loops you’re not legally allowed to vote in Oregon.
What once was just a simple fried dough confectionery for the masses has now evolved farther than it was ever intended, sort of like New Jersey. But unlike New Jersey, the vast majority of the strange, bewildering doughnut products that we’re being exposed to are actually delicious, enjoyable, and something you’d consider taking home to your parents. Your fat parents. From the fat side of your family. That you eat fatty foods with. Just…fat…fat… JUST LISTEN THIS IS A LIST OF SANDWICHES MADE WITH DOUGHNUTS YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THEM RIGHT NOW FAT FAT ALL AT ONCE FAT FAT FATTIE SOO-WEE SOO-WEE OINK OINK OINK!!!!! oh wow, Jesus Christ, we don’t know what happened there. We started looking at our research for this article, and everything went red for a second, and when we woke up we were covered in jam somehow. God, we hope it’s jam.
Anyway, the 2010s have been a revolutionary time for people who like doughnuts, but hate the fact that you can’t buy them with additionally unhealthy foods in the middle. And they’ve gone out of their way to correct this oversight by making…
America’s 7 Craziest Doughnut Sandwiches
Posted in Fried Foods, Strange Foods
Tagged America, “Chicken” Charlie Boghosian, Breakfast Sandwich, Donut, Doughnut Sandwich, Doughnuts, Dunkin Doughnuts, Grilled Cheese, KFC, KFC Double Down, Krispy Kreme, Lady's Brunch Burger, Luther, Luther Burger, Midnight Snack, Monte Cristo, Paula Deen, Pulled Pork, Sandwhich, Sloppy Joe, State Fair