Tag Archives: KFC

The Weirdest Christmas Dishes From Around the World

“We wish you a merry…oh God what are you putting in front of us?  You want us to EAT that?”

~Greenland residents during Christmas

 christmases

We’re just a few short days away from Christmas, a time for reflection, forced familial-interaction in the guise of gift giving and, above all else, feasting, American-style.  Every family has their own different tradition for Christmas, ranging from “it’s pretty much like a second Thanksgiving” to “my family died in a fire and the holidays are a cold reminder of how I’m alone in the world, oh God now I’m crying in public again, thanks a lot assholes” but generally, an American Christmas feast falls well within the definition of “normal.”  Ham?  Sounds delicious.  Turkey?  Sure!  Egg nog?  Booze it up and we’ll talk.

But we were recently informed, much to our surprise, that countries other than America also celebrate Christmas, which is insane to think about because America is the only country that actually makes good Christmas movies.  But it’s true, we’re not alone in celebrating Christmas.  However, less surprisingly, most other countries get real weird about it.  So we decided to cast our xenophobia aside (reluctantly) in the spirit of Christmas, and look at some traditional Christmas dishes around the world.  And since it’s the holidays, we’re not going to say that all of these are gross and must be set on fire, and instead are just focusing on Christmas meals that are…weird.

The Weirdest Christmas Dishes From Around the World

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The State of Our Union: KFC

“Listen, KFC, we need to talk.  You guys might need to…start cooling your shit.”

~Concerned Americans

kfc

We as a society have an incredibly short memory when it comes to change.  We freak the fuck out whenever Facebook alters it’s news feed only to completely forget about our reaction the next time they change the layout and we again, collectively, lose our shit.  That ability to accept the occasional big change while glossing over the small ones is completely natural, but it does mean that every so often we need to take a step back and look to see if we’ve gone too far.  Similarly to how you can watch eight seasons of a TV show and not realize how much the actors have aged until you revisit the first episode, we might not realize how far off the rails some of our favorite American establishments have gone until we take a step back and compare it to Japan.

Which brings us to our inaugural edition of our latest running article—The State of Our Union.  We will take an iconic American establishment and look at it with fresh, new eyes, to put in perspective if it truly is American, or if we’ve created a monster.  First up, we have a beloved institution that has been in existence since 1930—KFC, the artist formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken.

The State of Our Union:  KFC

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America’s 7 Craziest Doughnut Sandwiches

“It’s magnificent.  It’s glorious.  I can see a beautiful shining light.  I’m heading towards it.”

~Every American With A Pre-Existing Heart Condition Eating Any Item On This List

donut sandwich

Doughnuts.  They’re so hot right now.  Doughnuts.  While doughnuts have been fattening Americans up under the guise of “Breakfast” for hundreds of years, they’ve recently experience a renaissance among those brave individuals who like to intake their sugary carbs in savory or alcoholic forms.  We now live in a world where any doughnut shop that doesn’t make a maple bacon doughnut is full of shit, and if you’ve never tried a doughnut covered in fruit loops you’re not legally allowed to vote in Oregon.

What once was just a simple fried dough confectionery for the masses has now evolved farther than it was ever intended, sort of like New Jersey.  But unlike New Jersey, the vast majority of the strange, bewildering doughnut products that we’re being exposed to are actually delicious, enjoyable, and something you’d consider taking home to your parents.  Your fat parents.  From the fat side of your family.  That you eat fatty foods with.  Just…fat…fat… JUST LISTEN THIS IS A LIST OF SANDWICHES MADE WITH DOUGHNUTS YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THEM RIGHT NOW FAT FAT ALL AT ONCE FAT FAT FATTIE SOO-WEE SOO-WEE OINK OINK OINK!!!!! oh wow, Jesus Christ, we don’t know what happened there.  We started looking at our research for this article, and everything went red for a second, and when we woke up we were covered in jam somehow.  God, we hope it’s jam.

Anyway, the 2010s have been a revolutionary time for people who like doughnuts, but hate the fact that you can’t buy them with additionally unhealthy foods in the middle.  And they’ve gone out of their way to correct this oversight by making…

America’s 7 Craziest Doughnut Sandwiches

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Wendy’s Presents: The Double-Double Down- Your Heart Knows What It Did And It Has To Pay

“Why do you want us to hurt you so?”

~Wendy’s Executives

 

We’ve taken a lot of shit from Wendy’s in our partnership with the fast food chain.  Our crack legal team did look into the contract and found there was a way to free ourselves from the oppressive rule of Wendy’s… It was so simple, we’re a little embarrassed that it took us so long to realize it.

Wendy’s has recently, for the first time, begun airing commercials with Wendy Thomas, the namesake of Wendy’s.  And from watching that, there’s one thing that can free us from our servitude…

Wendy is fat.

Hmm…That’s supposed to do it.  It says explicitly right here that if we point out that Wendy Thomas, the person Wendy’s was named after, was fat, we’d have some sign that the contract is void and…

Wait…

What’s that rumbling?

Yes.  Yessss.  Be gone foul spirits!  RELEASE US!

Ah yes.  We’re free.  We’re…oh we’re finally free.  Now we can talk about this without any interference.

The Double-Double Down:  Your Heart Knows What It Did And It Has To Pay

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America Fun Fact of the Day 9/10- September 10th in American History

“You’re dead if you run this image, you hear me?  Fucking DEAD.”

~Wendy’s Executive

As many of you no doubt are aware, we have a bit of a Faustian contract with Wendy’s.  And they really don’t like it when we talk about the competition.  Like, really don’t like it.

But fuck them.  This is our image of the week, and we don’t care what happens to us if we make it about KFC.  Because KFC made a logo so fucking big you can see it in space.

We literally stuck up our middle finger at nature and said, “Fuck you, Earth, you’re hawking fried chicken now.”

Delicious, delicious fried chicken.

Have a good weekend, everybody.

The American History of Coleslaw

“It’s always a touch decision between that, the Mac and Cheese, and the mashed potatoes, isn’t it?”

~Colonel Sanders


One of the most widely available and American acceptable “salads” also happens to be the most secretive.  Much like a Jeremy Piven character in a John Cusack Romantic Comedy, Coleslaw is always there but rarely thought about.  But this is a food that sits alongside American food champions like Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, and Fried Chicken, while managing to break past it’s “vegetable-based” roots and be fairly unhealthy for you when done right, and it’s Wikipedia page has less information than the entry on Paris Hilton’s products and endorsements.  It’s a damn shame, because any food drowned in mayonnaise deserves to be known.  That is why we here at AFFotD are making it our duty to present to you…

The American History of Coleslaw

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