“Yes, we want you to write about the baconator. We’re tired of you using our money to talk about other people’s food. No tricks.”
You’ve no doubt noticed that every once and a while, when we’re particularly strapped for cash after having to pay one too many “destroying the nests of an endangered species of bird” fines, we turn to our “sponsor,” Wendy’s. Normally we’ve found occasion to talk about crazy foods we’ve just discovered while feeling a little part of us die every time we are forced at gunpoint to write something like, “Wendy’s! It’s food so good, you won’t believe it! Just like none of you should believe the suicide note if we turn up in a ravine!”
The last few times we’ve written about food have not been particularly…well received by our, uh, handlers. As in, we’ve had our Fun Facts hijacked a handful of times. As in, we used to have a lot more pets around the office before the Wendy’s executives figured out how to get past our security system. Pour one on the curb for Sparky.
That’s why, for today’s post, Wendy’s decided it was “too risky” to let us pick what to write about, so they just straight up told us, “Write about a Baconator.”
“Bacakonator?” we mumbled while sipping on a glass of whiskey.
“Yeah, like we said, write about the Baconator.”
…We haven’t much time until they figure out what we’ve done. Come with us if you want to hear about the bacon funnel cake.