Category Archives: The Other Guys

They’re not among our favorites, but at least they’re not Nixon or Carter, and they must have done SOMETHING to warrant a fun fact.

Every American President Who Was a Junior

“Lol try and guess my actual birth name. No, seriously, give it a shot.”

~Gerald Ford

Gerald Ford and Betty Ford

For most Americans with children, there is a sense of continuing your legacy that comes with siring a child. (Is that what parents call it? All of our writers are single and aren’t allowed to “hold their baby nephews” because we “reek of whiskey and, Jesus, is that what opium smells like?” so we’r out of our element here.) 

However, some parents (mostly fathers, honestly) want to take that concept a step further by actually passing on their name to their children. This should not shock you—there are many famous Juniors in the world, from Ken Griffey Jr. (the baseball player more successful than his baseball playing father) to Martin Luther King Jr. (the Civil Rights hero whose father founded Lutheranism, right? Our research staff has been MIA for a few months, honestly.)

However, not every Junior actually carries their Jr. title. Some, like your Dennis Juniors, go by initials like DJ. And others just drop the Jr. all together. 

Apparently, that latter category applies to a surprising amount of American presidents. And with the swearing in of Joe Biden, formally known as Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., we decided we’d look back at American history and let you know every president whose name is basically a photocopy of their father’s name. 

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: Franklin Pierce

“There is nothing left but to get drunk.”

~Franklin Pierce, Remarking on the End of His Presidency (no, seriously, he actually said that)

 franklin pierce

We’ve written three articles about America’s Drunkest Presidents, and this is the first time where we’re truly wandering into uncomfortable territory, since we’re about to tell you about a guy who totally died of liver disease due to his drinking. But our 14th President, Franklin Pierce, spent all 64 years of his life getting absolutely wrecked, and that definitely makes him one of our Drunkest Presidents, so let’s just not dwell on the human tragedy involved, and talk about booze.  Cool?  Okay, cool.

America’s Drunkest Presidents: Franklin Pierce

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: Martin Van Buren

“If you’re asking if I’d rather be president or not get drunk I think you damn well know the answer to that.”

~Martin Van Buren

martin van buren

All presidents drink…well, okay, except for the last two Republican presidents we’ve had, which, like, that’s a really weird random thing, right?  Like, “the last two teetotaler presidents we’ve had were Donald Trump and George W. Bush, that’s a weird fact.”

But anyway, before we invite all the Pepes of the internet into our comments section, let’s just talk about how most presidents like to get drunk every now and then, and some of them are spectacular at it. We’ve already told you about George Washington (just, top notch president, and impressive drinker) and James Buchanan (like, he was to the United States Presidency what a trenchcoat full of cottonmouth snakes would be to, we don’t know, something that snakes would fuck up. Human ankles? But he was also a superhuman drinker. Hmm maybe those two were related.)

But that brings us to our next drunk president, Martin Van Buren, who was… okay well, also a shitty president, but he was a shitty president that could drink, and apparently viewed personal grooming the way an “already drunk at 6 in the morning, or maybe still drunk from last night at 6 in the morning” kind of person would.

Seriously, look at that picture at the top of this article.  Like, dude, there are like three pictures of you in existence, you couldn’t find anyone who had a fucking comb?

But anyway, this is not the space for us to make fun of Martin Van Buren’s hairstyle (but look forward to our article “The 6 Presidents With The Worst Haircuts in American History” which, like, is written now) but rather to talk about his impressive ability to just, drink and get shitty. And here we go!

America’s Drunkest Presidents:  Martin Van Buren

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: James Buchanan

“Hangover?  I hardly even KNOW her!  Ha ha ha, oh, I’m an awful president.”

~James Buchanan  

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The founding entry of our new segment entitled “America’s Drunkest Presidents” was about George Washington, our founding father.   We basically took one of our greatest presidents in history, and talked about how was also one of the greatest drinking president in history, because we are legally obligated to talk up George Washington and ignore some of that not-so-cooloh-shit-don’t-click-these-links stuff.  That said, he was an impressive drinker, which we’re super thankful for since the idea of a teetotaler as our badass founding General is too much for us to take.  However, even though it worked out that way the first time, this segment is not called “America’s Best Drunk Presidents.”  It is just “America’s Drunkest Presidents.”

We want to make that clarification before we go ahead and tell you about arguably the best drinking president we’ve ever had.  But as good as he was at drinking (and, you’ll see, he was super good at it) he was pretty much the polar opposite at presidenting (just, so bad, you guys.)

So let’s talk about James Buchanan, the very drunk, but no good, 17th president of the United States.

America’s Drunkest Presidents:  James Buchanan

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The Most Unfortunately Named Politicians To Ever Run For President

“Heh heh.  Cox.  I mean, Mr. Governer.”

~Presidential Debate Proctor, 1920

presidential seal

As we’ve established time and time again, we’re not the best at math, but as far as we can tell, America has been a country for over 150 years, and has had more than 40 presidents.  43 presidents maybe?  45?  Either way, it’s less than 50.  And that means that anytime you have the chance to become the President of the Most Powerful Country In The World (pre-2008 division), your name will be in the history books, even if it’s just as a footnote.

The problem with being a part of history is that the first and, in some cases only, thing that we see in a history book is the name of the person.  Yes, we know that George Washington had fake teeth and liked to stand up on boats, but the first thing we register about him is his name.  George Washington.  A strong, authoritative name that screams “Presidential.”  Now not all of our Presidents were blessed with such a fitting name (looking at you, Herbert Hoover) but they at least managed to have names that didn’t actively get in the way of their political gains.

Which is why we’re here to focus on those whose name did get in the way.  The Presidential candidates that got their names on the ballots, failing to realize that maybe they should have changed their name before making the entire population read their name in the polling booth and suppress a giggle.  That’s why we present for you…

The Most Unfortunately Named Politicians To Ever Run For President

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George Wallace Has His Mess Right

“hahaha ohhh he said it!”

~Adoring Las Vegas crowds

George_Wallace

It’s been a while since you’ve heard from the crew at America Fun Fact of the Day.  Part of that is that we’ve been busy working on a reality TV show called “Inside The Lives Of Real Americans” which we got fired from after we went through the entire liquor budget that TLC allowed in two days.  And part of that is that, after getting fired, we decided to spend some time in Las Vegas.

“But why Las Vegas, and why am I here as a flimsy humor article rhetorical construct?” you might be screaming at the computer, possibly while soiling yourself.  “And seriously, if you’re going to put words in my mouth, please don’t make me seem like some deconstructed ruin of where humanity can fail” you might add while smashing frozen tater tots into a waffle iron and serving the end result on the last clean T-shirt that you own, which happens to be a Pearl Jam Summer Tour 1997 shirt. 

But to answer the question of this shambling mess of a human being which we’ve apparently decided to fictitiously create to embody you, the reader, why wouldn’t we go to Las Vegas?  It has everything.  There are alcoholic drinks that come in glasses a yard long, nothing ever closes, you get free drinks for legally gambling, and you can solicit the services of a prostitute and come to the conclusion that you can never undo the things that you’ve done, and that doesn’t bother you because you’re dead inside.

And, of course, there is the 10PM show of “The New Mr. Las Vegas” himself, George Wallace, at The Flamingo every night.  We realized that this man knew comedy in a way that we could only dream of, and we can’t think of a better way to pay him tribute than to give him his very own fun fact, stealing/recycling his jokes so the world can appreciate him without having to pay $30 in Vegas.

George Wallace Has His Mess Right

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Heroes in Action Toys Presents: Presidential Monsters

“I want all of these.  No, I want MORE than all of these.”

~You

presidential monsters

Ingenuity often comes from the most obvious places.  People have liked meth, wolves, and oversized T-shirts for years, but it wasn’t until someone sat down and said, “Hey, let’s put three wolves on a KFC-stained T-shirt” that we collectively said, “Oh, of course” and bought a million shirts from The Mountain.  We didn’t know that chocolate could be put into peanut butter, and vice versa, without a combination of divine intervention and mercy killings.  So when we were told that Heroes in Action Toys made action figures of American presidents, we weren’t particularly impressed…until they clarified that the presidents were also monsters.

And we immediately wanted to buy all of them.

Yes, it seems so simple in retrospect, but it took a true genius to come up with monster versions of each American president, and it would be a disservice if we didn’t take you through each and every item on the catalog to show you how incredibly American this idea is.  You’re welcome.

Heroes in Action Toys Presents:  Presidential Monsters

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America’s Heroes Battling Monsters

“I need to buy all of these.  Every.  Single.  One.”

~You

Art is okay, we guess.  It’s one of the classiest ways to see boobs, and if you have a friend that’s deciding to not make money by painting shit for a living, you at least can go to their gallery openings for an evening of free wine and sub-par cheese spreads.  And there are plenty of Americans who have added very iconic and significant contributions to the artistic and pop culture world, like that one guy who designed the label for Campbell’s soup.

But if there are kinds of art that we don’t particularly care for (looking at you, 25 foot black canvas with a single silver dot on it), there’s one that we can never get enough of.  And that would be images of American presidents and historical figures doing badass things in impossible contexts.  We’ve shown some of these images on our site before, but now it’s time we give proper due, thanks to the gentle prodding from Bro Bible, to American digital artist Jason Heuser.  Because any man that can depict Ben Franklin with Wolverine claws fighting Zeus deserves our money.

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The White House

“It, um, well it is…pretty nice.”

~President Barack Obama

 

While we in the America Fun Fact of the Day offices prefer to talk about historical American buildings that look like genitalia, there are certain buildings that define America, even if they don’t like anything funny.  Well, granted, the Capital building sort of looks like a boob if you squint at it…

…heh…heh…

 …but one of the most iconic buildings in America is, and always will be, The White House, the home of America’s president, and likely the origin of the term, “Papa gets swag.”

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American Presidential Home Brewers

“Gonna getchya drunk, bitches.”

~George Washington


We expect a lot from our Presidents.  Sign this bill, kill this terrorist, take a lengthy vacation, sign this other bill, cover up that murder committed by your cousin, give a presidential pardon to a turkey on Thanksgiving, it can be quite a chore.  And many American Presidents have had to find their own creative ways to let off some steam while on the job.  Richard Nixon had his voyeuristic taping habits.  Bill Clinton had chubby chicks.  Jimmy Carter would club homeless people over the head and trap them inside the drywall of houses made for the poor.

However, there is a little known Presidential hobby that is becoming increasingly popular, and results in a lot less collateral damage than Jimmy “My Kindly Southern Disposition Hides a Sinister Past” Carter.

That’s right.  Presidents like to brew beer.  USA!  USA!

“Osama’s dead!  I mean…beer!”

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