Tag Archives: Teddy Roosevelt

Every Air Force One in American History

“Get off my plane.”

~Indiana Jones

air force one

Outside of children who are big fans of those Planes movies, nowhere in American society is a single aircraft more iconic than Air Force One.  When we fly our President around, we fly him in style, in a cutting-edge jet that can survive a direct blast from a nuclear bomb and is exclusively piloted by Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.  Okay, neither of those things are true, but Air Force One is so mythic that a decent handful of you absolutely took us for our word there.

Air Force One is an American icon, both over and underappreciated at the same time.  So we decided to take a moment to sit you down (you are sitting, right?) and tell you about the history of our President’s super expensive charter jet.  And since we’re feeling generous, we’ll just let you know about every Air Force One plane that has ever existed, partly because we like to be as thorough as we can when it comes to discussing presidential aircraft, but mainly because we want as many excuses to post scenes from the movie Air Force One on our site.

Every Air Force One in American History

harrison ford as the motherfucking president Continue reading

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The Medal of Honor from 1871-1917: The Military Honor America Couldn’t Seem To Give Away Fast Enough

“No, seriously, you have to stop printing these like Thin Mints.  What’s it gonna take, an actual major war to make you chill?”

~Smedley Butler, trying to turn down a Medal of Honor in the early 20th century

medal of honor

We’re going to start this one off with a disclaimer—any claims we make regarding the Medal of Honor is a reflection of how politicians and military leaders handed out the honor before we really had any intense modern wars under our belt.  Our servicemen that fought in the World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, or the many other excursions where they have put their lives on the line for their brothers and for their country have paid dearly for our benefit, and every single recipient of the Medal of Honor can, at worst, be called a hero (at best they can be called “basically Batman, if Batman could get free beer and deserved gratitude sex whenever they want”).

Even when we make fun of the skirmishes that resulted in Medals of honor being handed out during the time period of 1869 (when we had kind of forgotten what the Civil War was like) to 1917 (when we started World War I and realized, holy shit, this shit is super intense), we’re acknowledging that the soldiers who were awarded did show valor and a love of this country.  They just happened to get an award that was handed out to pretty much anyone who asked for it up until recently.  Let’s put it this way—Congress gave out 1522 Medal of Honors in the Civil War, of which 32 were posthumous.  Now, the American Civil War was a bloody and bitterly fought war, but when you consider the fact that we awarded only 464 during the entirety of World War II (266 posthumously by the way), or that we’ve only given out 16 (7 of which were to fallen soldiers) of these awards in the Afghanistan and Iraqi War combined, you can see how we’ve increasingly made the honor harder and harder to get.  The Congressional Medal of Honor, as we know it know, is the most prestigious and rare award for those who have gone above and beyond their duty to keep freedom within these borders—for those of you with a loose idea of what military action generally means, this is the award a soldier gets when doing something so brave and so intense that, if you saw it in a movie, you’d respond, “Oh, come on, the director’s really taking some liberties with this battle to make it seem more exciting.”

So currently, yes, the Medal of Honor is given out only in the most extraordinary and harrowing cases , but during the time period between the end of the Civil War and start of World War I?  Well, at that point it was more…

The Medal of Honor from 1871-1917: The Military Honor America Couldn’t Seem To Give Away Fast Enough

 more medals of honor

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Wherein AFFotD Celebrates its 4th Anniversary, Looking Inward and Critiquing the Failings of its 10 Most Popular Articles: A Douchey and Pretentious Meta Exercise by our Laziest Writers

“Alright, let me have it.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt

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When people are asked to describe America Fun Fact of the Day, the most common responses tend to be “brilliant,” “incredible,” “life-affirming” and “What the fuck is AFFotD, what are you doing in my house, where are your clothes, oh God you reek of whiskey, that’s it, I’m calling the fucking cops.”  However, every once and a while, a handful spineless dick-cough weasel pansies say that we’re “harsh and kind of mean.”  Specifically, people say that when we take the time out of our day to viciously insult people that aren’t living up to our standard of Americaness.  This usually occurs when we write articles with lengthy titles that begin “Wherein” and result in 3,000 word screeds that mercilessly and often personally attack and insult the writers of stupid articles about Thanksgiving, Fortune Magazine, or, um, small children.

kid

The fuck you looking at, punk?

Since today marks the 4th anniversary of affotd.com existing as a website as opposed to a series of note cards jammed randomly into a file cabinet labeled “The Internet!” in our editor-in-chief’s bedroom closet, we figured it was time to turn the mirror on ourselves.  That’s right, we’re gonna rip into our own articles, which is totally not a fancy way to avoid creating any new content of value.  No, shut up, this has nothing to do with the fact that most of our research staff is hungover out of their minds.  Shut up.  Just, okay?

So we looked up the 10 most viewed articles in the history of America Fun Fact of the Day thus far, and will review and deconstruct every one of them.  For science, or whatever.

Wherein AFFotD Celebrates Their 4th Anniversary, Looking Inward and Critiquing the Failings of its 10 Most Popular Articles: A Douchey and Pretentious Meta Exercise by our Laziest Writers

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The Teddy Roosevelt Assassination Attempt of 1912

“Oh, he’s still standing.  Welp, I’m dead.”

~John Flammang Schrank

roosevelt newspaper

We don’t try to hide our infatuation towards Teddy Roosevelt here at America Fun Fact of the Day, and that has very little to do with the fact that great-great-grandsire Johnny Roosevelt is our editor-in-chief here.    We’ve extolled his American greatness here before, and the greatness of his children time and time again.  The man was badass, to put it bluntly, and we could write in depth AFFotD articles about hundreds of the things he did in his life.  But when we think of Teddy Roosevelt, there’s one story in particular which really shows that, as far as unbridled American badasses go, Roosevelt was the cream of the crop, a giant among giants, and the kind of person you most definitely would never want to fuck with.

This is the story about the time someone tried to fuck with Teddy Roosevelt.

The Teddy Roosevelt Assassination Attempt of 1912

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The Most Unfortunately Named Politicians To Ever Run For President

“Heh heh.  Cox.  I mean, Mr. Governer.”

~Presidential Debate Proctor, 1920

presidential seal

As we’ve established time and time again, we’re not the best at math, but as far as we can tell, America has been a country for over 150 years, and has had more than 40 presidents.  43 presidents maybe?  45?  Either way, it’s less than 50.  And that means that anytime you have the chance to become the President of the Most Powerful Country In The World (pre-2008 division), your name will be in the history books, even if it’s just as a footnote.

The problem with being a part of history is that the first and, in some cases only, thing that we see in a history book is the name of the person.  Yes, we know that George Washington had fake teeth and liked to stand up on boats, but the first thing we register about him is his name.  George Washington.  A strong, authoritative name that screams “Presidential.”  Now not all of our Presidents were blessed with such a fitting name (looking at you, Herbert Hoover) but they at least managed to have names that didn’t actively get in the way of their political gains.

Which is why we’re here to focus on those whose name did get in the way.  The Presidential candidates that got their names on the ballots, failing to realize that maybe they should have changed their name before making the entire population read their name in the polling booth and suppress a giggle.  That’s why we present for you…

The Most Unfortunately Named Politicians To Ever Run For President

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The American Evolution Of Seasoning and Spicy Foods

*pop*

*hssssss*

“…Gas?  GAS!  GAAASSSSSS!  MASKS ON!  MASKS ON GODDAMN IT!  OH GOD TOO LATE!!!!”

~Residents of Irwindale, CA                                         

oatmeal sriracha bear

(source)

The American Evolution Of Seasoning and Spicy Foods

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America’s Heroes Battling Monsters

“I need to buy all of these.  Every.  Single.  One.”

~You

Art is okay, we guess.  It’s one of the classiest ways to see boobs, and if you have a friend that’s deciding to not make money by painting shit for a living, you at least can go to their gallery openings for an evening of free wine and sub-par cheese spreads.  And there are plenty of Americans who have added very iconic and significant contributions to the artistic and pop culture world, like that one guy who designed the label for Campbell’s soup.

But if there are kinds of art that we don’t particularly care for (looking at you, 25 foot black canvas with a single silver dot on it), there’s one that we can never get enough of.  And that would be images of American presidents and historical figures doing badass things in impossible contexts.  We’ve shown some of these images on our site before, but now it’s time we give proper due, thanks to the gentle prodding from Bro Bible, to American digital artist Jason Heuser.  Because any man that can depict Ben Franklin with Wolverine claws fighting Zeus deserves our money.

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AFFotD Brand American Scented Candles

“I like my candles like I like my women.  On fire.”

~Jesus Christ, that took a fuckin’ TURN

Ever since America karate chopped darkness with the invention of the light bulb, candles have been relegated from “essential light source/ occasional house fire starter” to “novelty scented items to help get you laid, or to mask the odor of particularly skunky weed.”  Usually they try to make your room smell like lavender or lilac or whatever the fuck purple is supposed to smell like.  To say that most candles cater to the specific demographic of “women, and the men who are trying to sleep with them” would be like saying that bullets are primarily marketed towards gun owners.

But lately, entrepreneurs have tried to capitalize on an untapped market of American men who want their rooms to smell like various manly, American things.  That’s why you get to see a 13-year-old selling candles that smell like bacon, new mitt, and grandpa’s pipe, or Yankee Candle releasing candles that smell like “First Down” and “2×4.”

America Fun Fact of the Day salutes these ventures, and just like the American inventor of the aforementioned light bulb, we see it as our divine duty to take this idea that other people have worked tirelessly on, tweak it a little, and declare it our own.  So here goes our latest business venture.

For Sale:  AFFotD Brand American Scented Candles

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America Fun Fact of the Day 1/14- Saturday Image of the Week

“What he said.”

~Johnny Roosevelt

This Saturday, while we know you’re going to spend most of your day lounging on your couch, slowly getting drunk while watching the NFL playoffs, we’ll leave you with this image of the week (well, .gif actually) that will hopefully at least motivate you to get what you need to get done tonight.  And by that, we mean, we urge you to go and get shitty.  Tell ’em, Teddy.

Have a great weekend, everyone.  Time to get shit done.

Quentin Roosevelt Was The Favorite

“Quentin?  Respect.”

~Teddy Roosevelt

Many of you following our Teddy’s Tots feature have no doubt thought to yourselves, “Wow, so these kids were all born in the 1800s, a decade lousy with child mortality rates, and so far all of his children have lived to be older than fifty, and in one case, ninety years old.  Didn’t only one of Abraham Lincoln’s four children survive into adulthood?”  That’s…yes that’s true.  Wow, you know your shit.  Well then you probably knew that Teddy Roosevelt’s youngest child was the one to live the shortest?  You did?

Well then you also know that Quentin Roosevelt managed to fit more badass in twenty years of life than most professional bear wrestlers.  That’s why we are proud to present, the sixth and final chapter in the Teddy’s Tots series, with…

Quentin Roosevelt Was The Favorite

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