37 Marvel Cinematic Universe Villains, Ranked

“Oh my God fuck these writers.”

~You

picture of Marvel heroes

Our staff recently sat down to watch all the films from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (or MCU, if you’re nasty) in chronological order because we decided that was one of the least destructive things a person could do after 11 months of complete isolation.

Now, we could, and should, have kept this fact to ourselves. “We binged 23 movies in the course of like two weeks” is less of a thing you advertise, and more a thing you hide to avoid a lot of “are you okay?” texts from concerned family and friends.

But we decided that we’d use this cry for help as an excuse to create the only kind of content we know—divisive content tailor-made to piss off notoriously volatile fan bases.

So let’s rank all the villains we can think of from the Marvel films. Some minor villains were left off the list, because who cares. And we briefly considered adding the Maximoff twins (we’re just now realizing how lazy it is that between them and Black Widow, the only Eastern European characters are named “Romanoff” and “Maximoff” but that’s a different article) because they literally were villains for, like, two scenes.

Anyway, we’ve likely left off a character you care about, and we’ve almost certainly placed someone on this list in a place that will make you feel pure rage, and we apologize for nothing. It’s a dumb article about fun movies based on silly comic books. Maybe just chill a bit, okay?

Anyway…onto the list.

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Every American President Who Was a Junior

“Lol try and guess my actual birth name. No, seriously, give it a shot.”

~Gerald Ford

Gerald Ford and Betty Ford

For most Americans with children, there is a sense of continuing your legacy that comes with siring a child. (Is that what parents call it? All of our writers are single and aren’t allowed to “hold their baby nephews” because we “reek of whiskey and, Jesus, is that what opium smells like?” so we’r out of our element here.) 

However, some parents (mostly fathers, honestly) want to take that concept a step further by actually passing on their name to their children. This should not shock you—there are many famous Juniors in the world, from Ken Griffey Jr. (the baseball player more successful than his baseball playing father) to Martin Luther King Jr. (the Civil Rights hero whose father founded Lutheranism, right? Our research staff has been MIA for a few months, honestly.)

However, not every Junior actually carries their Jr. title. Some, like your Dennis Juniors, go by initials like DJ. And others just drop the Jr. all together. 

Apparently, that latter category applies to a surprising amount of American presidents. And with the swearing in of Joe Biden, formally known as Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., we decided we’d look back at American history and let you know every president whose name is basically a photocopy of their father’s name. 

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Let’s Give Thanks That America Does Thanksgiving Better Than Canada

“Did your staff members ever went to a Canadian Thanksgiving, and can you tell me how much better an American Thanksgiving is?”

~AFFotD Reader “Harge.” We copy and pasted that directly from the email he sent us.

Canadian Thanksgiving Table Spread

2020 is a weird year for Thanksgiving for some reason. But now’s not the time to think about the fact that we’re going to have one Thanksgiving that might be a bit quieter and definitely a lot more virtual than we’re used to. It’s time to give thanks that Thanksgiving in general is awesome in America, while we dunk on Canada’s cheap-ass imitation of our glorious holiday.

Let’s Make Fun of Canada’s Thanksgiving, Shall We?

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Hell Yeah, Let’s Talk About the Four Seasons Press Conference

“Hahahahahaha WHAT? No, wait, this was a thing done by people who were paid salaries? This is the best thing.”

~Every AFFotD Staff Member

four-seasons-landscaping

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Which Characters From “Star Trek: The Next Generation” Fucked

“I thought we couldn’t get any lower than talking about how horny that Paper Mario N64 game was, but here we are…”

~Affotd Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt

star trek the next generation cast

For reasons that should be apparent, our staff has had a lot of time on our hands to try to binge various tv series we’ve not previously seen. In this case, that show was Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Now, you might get a little public-distance-based unease at the idea of a group of drunk people watching 176 episodes of television inside during a pandemic, but don’t worry. Our staff has taken all the proper precautions.

We’ve literally never stepped foot outside of our office since March 15th. Except for one intern, who we send out twice a week to do all of our grocery shopping. He has to leave all the food and booze outside of our office and then he must scurry off to spend the rest of his time alone in a small, hermetically-sealed closet.

We don’t even talk to him over the phone, in case the virus can be transmitted wirelessly. He has lost his mind.

But enough about Darren, who apparently has changed his name to “Lorgon, the final man” in a fit of mania. Let’s talk about Star Trek. Because guess what?

This shit is HORNY.

Every Star Trek: The Next Generation Character Who Has Fucked

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AFFotD Presents: Dunking on Old Timey Pictures of Civil War Generals

“Lol this is the dumbest thing we’ve ever written that’ll randomly make very uninteresting people very mad.”

~Our Lawyers

Image of Civil War battle

The Civil War is, apparently, a very complex and complicated subject, which is weird because it kind of seems that the two sides were “America” and “a group of people who wanted to not be part of America and lost, and wanted slaves” but maybe that’s just our silly American tendency to root for winners.

Anyway, if you’re here to examine the nuance of the Civil War’s socioeconomic impact on this country, or even hear a semi-coherent history of the war, we have terrible news. This article isn’t that.

But if you are here to see us post pictures of a bunch of Union and Confederate Generals and just roast them mercilessly because every Civil War General looked like a fucking Muppet, well, you’re in luck. Because we are here to prove that…

Every Picture of Every Civil War General Is Low-Key Hilarious

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Every Oscar-Nominated Actor Who Has Appeared in the Star Wars Cinematic Universe

“There are 44 Oscar nominees who have appeared in a Star Wars movie.”

~Our Staff, All Week, They Literally Won’t Shut Up About it

star wars logo

This article is very pointless and dumb for most people, and our writers are obsessed with it. Let’s talk about Star Wars, you buncha nerds.

Since 1977, the world has been gifted (and in some case, begrudgingly offered as a cash grab) eleven different films in the Star Wars Universe. There are also some animated tv shows out there if you really want to get deep into that shit.

During that time, many well-regarded actors with numerous accolades have appeared in a Star Wars film. Specifically, the Star Wars universe features a staggering amount of Academy Award nominated individuals who appear, either onscreen or as voices, in these films. We counted. It’s 44. 

Keep in mind, many other famous actors have appeared in these films who have not been nominated for an Academy Award. Ewan McGregor and Christopher Lee have never received Oscar nominations, for example (though McGregor has Golden Globe nominations)

Frank Oz (a.k.a. Yoda) has an Emmy. Jimmy Smits (Bail Organa) has won a Golden Globe. By the way, did you know that Rose Byrne (2 Golden Globe nominations) was in Attack of the Clones?  And Joel Edgerton, who was in the prequel trilogy as young Owen Lars, has a Golden Globe nomination to his name for Loving. They are not on this list. But a LOT of people are! Anyway! Let’s get into this nerd fest!

Every Oscar-Nominee Who Has Appeared in a Star Wars Film

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A List of Oscars That MONEY PLANE Will Win at the 2021 Academy Award Ceremony

“It’s called the Money Plane. Some of the baddest motherfuckers on the planet are on that plane, all craving action. Whatever you want to wager on, the Money Plane has you covered. You want to bet on a dude fucking an alligator? Money Plane.”

~Darius Emmanuel Grouch III (a.k.a. The Ruckus)

moneyplane

On July 10th, just less than a week after its birthday, America was blessed with a belated gift. With of a reported budget of “under $50 million” according to Wikipedia (because the director jokingly said “Well it was under $50 million”) and an actual budget of, like, $75 bucks and the promise to delete several portable hard drives worth of compromising data, we were given MONEY PLANE.

And it’s the best film of 2020.

Don’t let the haters fool you. Don’t listen to the 3.3/10 rating on IMDB. Or the 27% Fresh rating on RottenTomatoes. This movie is gold.

And speaking of gold, we’re going to award it SEVENTEEN FUCKING ACADEMY AWARDS.

All of the Oscars Awarded to MONEY PLANE, the Best Movie of All Time

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We Don’t Do TV Reviews…But Let’s Review the 30 Rock Peacock Reunion Special

“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

~Harvey Dent. Wait these are supposed to be fake quotes…

Screen Shot 2020-07-18 at 3.22.06 PM

Hi there! If you’ve recently discovered our site, you probably think of AFFotD as that place where we do too much research about COVID and say “fuck” a lot. If you’ve been following us for a long time, you know that we usually like to celebrate weird history, booze, and food while making fun of other nations’ cultures while saying “fuck” a lot.

This will not be any of those things.

This is goin to be a review of TV special. Which is a thing we literally never write about.

But our staff has been longtime fans of the shot 30 Rock, and 30 Rock released a quarantine reunion special. And…well…we normally don’t weigh in on such matters, but…

The 30 Rock Reunion Special Is Very Bad in a Way That Makes Us Very Sad

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Who Fucked Up Part 2: How States Are Handling Reopening One Month Since Our Last Check-in

“You know the more we write in-depth articles on this, the less we’re able to get away with ‘if you don’t like this lol ignore us we’re dumb’ right?”

~AFFotD’s Lawyers

covid july

Oh boy…

Last month, we sat down and wrote 18,000 words in a very off-brand attempt to take a snapshot at how each state and territory was handling closing and reopening during the COVID-19 pandemic. Of those 18,000 words, 149 were “fuck”, 89 were “fucked”, 20 were “fucking” and we tossed in a single instance of fucker and fuckers in there for good measure. This is the level of discourse we bring to the table here at America Fun Fact of the Day.

The reaction was actually far less angry than we anticipated—we had one guy gripe that our article was “dumb” and that there was a lot of “needless profanity.” Keep in mind, this was an individual who willingly read a punishingly massive article called “Who Fucked Up” so the term dumb is kind of relative, isn’t it?

Anyway, similarly, our follow up to that article is a very stupid and pointless enterprise. You should know going into this, we’re not doctors, we’re not trying to be political but somehow us talking about masks will be viewed as such, and we swear a bunch and write while drunk. If you care enough about our opinion to get upset, you really need to re-evaluate how you consume your news, Tucker.

Obviously when we made the decision to write this article two weeks ago, things looked a little less….um…listen we want to keep this light and humorous because the world is on fire and we might as well play some pretty songs while we go down with this ship.

So let’s do this! We’re going to list every state and territory, showing how they looked in June and how they look now. We’ll do a basic rundown of the initial shutdowns and reopenings of each one, reveal if we thought they had fucked up at the time, discuss any further reopenings (or, sigh, new closings), and finally we’ll ask have they fucked up, or are they fucking up.

It’s very scientific. And by scientific, we mean, what’s the opposite of scientific? Oh right, drunk people looking at charts and making broad generalizations about a very serious thing while shoehorning in some dick jokes. GodDAMNit we didn’t make a joke about Florida looking like a wang in our last article, did we? We should rectify that.

Sorry, we got distracted for a moment. ANYWAY. HERE WE GO.

Who Fucked Up Part 2: How States Are Handling Reopening One Month Since Our Last Check-in

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