“Haha, no I think legally it would be a crime if I forced any of you to watch this movie in order to write this review.”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt, During a Weekly Staff Meeting
We take our role as arbiters of culture very seriously here within the walls of America Fun Fact of the Day. We’ve literally spent 60,000 words talking about Ted Lasso, which increasingly has led to people thinking we’re going dad-core or something, but goddamn it, we still have our finger on the pulse of culture!
So with that, we are going to tell you a movie you have no excuse knowing about. Hell, we have no excuse knowing about it.
This movie was in theaters for exactly one week in a limited release in the year 2019. We honestly do not know if it made a single dollar, as there literally is zero box office information regarding this film. It has a user rating of 1.9 out of 10 on imdb.com, and the only professional review it received basically says, “We, as a society, deserve this.”
We’re not going to review the Logan and Jake Paul “surreal influencer action comedy” that is Airplane Mode. Because that would involve watching that.
Instead, go on a journey with us as we break down the Wikipedia page describing the plot. Trust us…it’s a fucking ride.
We Summarize 2019’s Airplane Mode based off a summary of 2019’s Airplane Mode
First of all, let’s set some expectations. If you do not know the star of this film, Logan Paul is a YouTube influencer who one time showed a dead body in the woods in Japan for funsies. He, like his brother Jake Paul, dabble in boxing and fighting, though Jake has made a bigger name for it.
Both are pretty early internet influencers who made their fortune posting a lot of videos that basically felt like it was them doing an Urkel voice and going, “Did I do thaaat?”
The two brothers wrote a film starring Logan and a series of influencers, who we would name but we honestly don’t give a flying fuck about them and they probably don’t need the additional exposure. Just know it’s a bunch of people who managed to get rich while Vine was still a thing, and they all made their film debuts (probably, we do not care enough to research that) playing themselves in this insane movie.
And from what we’ve read. It’s insane.
Oh also, Nick Swardson is there. Apparently there’s a scene where he lactates?
“Youuuuu need to get me a better agent.”
So let’s break down this…journey through some chosen passages of its summarization.
Planeless Pictures, who secured a deal with the popular influencer in 2016, believes that Paul uploaded the Suicide Forest video in a deliberate attempt to sabotage the film’s production.
So, for starters. Logan Paul released a YouTube video of him in what is known as the “Suicide Forest” in Japan in some real “you wanna see a dead body” shit. He was sued by the production company making the film because they felt maybe, just maybe, this movie was so bad he filmed a corpse just so he could avoid people seeing his terrible film.
Also, yes, we saw it. The movie Airplane Mode’s production company was called Planeless Pictures. This kind of shit is why we have a writer’s strike.
YouTuber Logan Paul is videocalling his Australian girlfriend, Ariel, with whom he has an online relationship. The two attempt to have cybersex, but are interrupted from doing so, firstly by Logan’s foreign exchange brother Juanpa Zurita, and secondly by Lele Pons who tries to capture Logan’s face when he is masturbating.
Just so you know, we removed the links to the Wikipedia pages for “cybersex” and “masterbating” as we assumed you know what those terms meant. But they’re linked in the Wiki page!
Just…listen, this is literally how the movie STARTS. It starts with cybersex and an attempt to capture Logan Paul’s O-face on camera.
Apparently he has never met Ariel, so this will be his first time meeting her. But he has a fear of flying due to *checks notes* Juanpa making him jump a tree as part of a YouTube stunt ten years ago.
Okay.
Logan, Juanpa and Andrew Bachelor take a taxi to the airport, and Andrew tells Logan that prankster Vitaly Zdorovetskiy will be on the same flight, as he is being extradited back to Australia to be put on trial for an incident involving dingoes.
Oh okay, we were worried this movie wasn’t going to make sense. This seems pretty straightforward.
The customs officer believes that he is an illegal immigrant, and deports him back to Mexico, although Juanpa convinces him to deport him to Australia as he is desperate to lose his virginity
Again, yeah, standard movie stuff. This is the only time this virginity plotline is brought up in the entire summary, by the way.
The pilots announce over the intercom that all passengers should put their smartphones on airplane mode, which they refuse to do.
Ah yes, some astute cultural commentary. The influencers always on their phones can’t dare go off their phones. What’s the worst that could happen, though?
The phone signals causes havoc within the plane’s wiring, resulting in the pilots getting electrocuted to their death. One of the flight attendants, Clarice, looks through the peephole, walks in and then immediately walks out, thinking that the pilots are having oral sex.
Oh we see. We assume it’s because one of the dead pilots collapses into the lap of the other pilot, but you can understand why we refused to watch a single second of this film before reviewing it now, right?
Also, not to say Clarice is bad at her job but…you probably should stop your pilots from going down on each other during a flight no matter what, right? That’s distracted flying at best right?
Suddenly Vitaly appears, killing the air marshal by breaking his neck, while Clarice and Logan both faint and collapse on the floor.
Okay, there was some plot happening between these sections. Specifically, the air marshal and flight attendant realize the pilots are actually dead, and the marshal makes the mistake of leaving “prankster Vitaly Zdorovetskiy” on his own.
The air traffic controller named Benji, suggests using the auto-pilot stick which Logan had broken in a panic, but when Logan tells him that they cannot use that, Benji cannot help them anymore and goes on a lunch break.
What the fuck, Benji? Is this a movie about how people in the airline industry are disinterested and shitty at their jobs?
Meanwhile, Vitaly wants to know where the emergency oxygen supply is, and proceeds to feed a dog cat food, so Clarice tells him where it is. Vitaly opens the cargo door, and says that it was dog food the whole time; it was just in a tin used for cat food. He then throws Clarice out of the plane, before saying his catchphrase, “It’s just a prank, bro!”.
….
….
We, um. We should point out that we did not skip over any section on the summary on this. It went straight from Benji fucking up his job to…feeding a dog cat food, to… are we losing our minds?
Andrew, who is more concerned with filming himself than being in his seat, is the second person to be thrown out of the plane.
That’s Andrew Bachelor, known as King Bach, who had 16 million Vine followers at his peak. We do not, as a society, deserve to have the power that smartphones give us.
As established in an earlier scene (for reasons which are unexplained), Logan has the ability to read the minds of gay people.
WAIT. WHAT?
WHAT?
YOU CAN’T DROP THAT SHIT ON US AND JUST MOVE ON LIKE IT’S NOTHING!
WHAT?
WHAT IS THIS MOVIE?
They are saved by Logan’s pet parrot, Maverick.
You know what? Fucking fine. Sure. What are words anyway? Apparently the autopilot is broken, Vitaly has the only parachute, and this is the one and only mention of a parrot existing in this film that, again, you could not pay us enough money to watch.
Vitaly’s parachute is released and he is killed when he is flung backwards into the engine.
How is this the most sane sentence in this entire summary?
Logan uses Jenna’s smartphone to watch a YouTube instructional video on how to land a plane, although it too ends with the same advice Benji and Bruce had given him: use the autopilot.
Fuckin’ Benji.
Benji then calls the cockpit, telling Logan that he is surprised they made it this far and that he should just land the plane on the white line, fly straight and hope that they do not explode on contact, all while insulting Logan, much to his frustration.
FUCK YOU BENJI!
The engine explodes just as Logan and Jenna are about to kiss. As everyone gets off the plane, Logan meets Benji, who he promptly headbutts.
Yeah, take that Benji. (Also, Jenna is not Logan’s cybersex girlfriend, she was the girl sitting next to him on the flight).
But speaking of the cybersex girlfriend…
Logan and Jenna say their goodbyes, and Logan realizes that he actually has feelings for her and not Ariel.
Yeah that’s a fairly basic movie trope. Nothing unusual to report h……..
[Logan] decides to put Juanpa in his place instead. Ariel figures out right away that Juanpa is not Logan, but decides to have sex with him anyway as he has an accent.
….Wut?
As Juanpa is about to climax, they are caught in the act by Ariel’s (adoptive) father, who chases Juanpa around the bedroom before he jumps out of the window and runs off naked.
WUT!?!?!!?
Logan arrives at the hotel room Jenna is staying in, but assumes she has made up with her “boyfriend”, Richie. However, as Logan leaves the room, he immediately knows that Richie is gay and runs back in, kicks Richie out who is confused as to why Logan can hear his thoughts. Logan then makes out with Jenna and the two have sex.
*deep breath*
Just…
Just…
Like…
Are we on drugs?
Not normal drugs. Not even like “You on some K right now?” Like, some kind of drug that has three letters and a few numbers? Like, we took MKD973-2 a.k.a. THE BIZZ and then read the wikipedia article of a normal movie taking place on a plane, and this is just a fever dream, right?
Right?
Please tell us this movie doesn’t exist.
Anyway, let’s look at the last sentence of the plot summary of this movie.
Finally, Andrew is shown to have survived the whole ordeal, washing up on another beach and then starts making out with a sex doll.
FUCKING SURE! YEAH WHY NOT. WHY NOT.
Okay we’re done. That’s the movie. You now know about the influencer gay-telepathy airplane emergency movie that people spent money to make, because we know about this movie and we must make sure you feel our pain.
Oh God, the pain.
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