Category Archives: Miscellaneous America

Do you want to know about America’s craziest patents? How about our worst reality TV shows? Are you curious about competitive beard growing? Do you wonder what that weird boil looking thing on your back is? We can tell you about all of those things (except the last one) and much much more in our Miscellaneous America section.

Yakima WebSite Design is the Web Design and SEO Agency That HAS to Be Pranking Us

“Hahaha this can’t be real. This CAN’T be REAL.”

~Our SEO Experts

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 10.24.27 PM

One thing you face when running a website is a constant slew of emails offering “SEO Services.” Basically form emails saying, “Your site is missing out on some MAJOR opportunities. Pay us to fix your site and make it great for SEO!”

For the majority of you reading this that rightfully read that as gibberish, SEO is short for “search engine optimization” which basically is a way of saying “we’ll try to make Google show your website more often.”

Before we go any further with this article, let’s get you in the right mindset. Yes, you come here normally to read things like “I miss those Doritos, amirite” and “woah that’s a big bottle of booze!” So we understand that the moment we started offering sincere explanations of digital marketing terms, you stiffened a bit.

Don’t worry, this is not going to be a boring marketing article or anything like that. And we know, going to you with the pitch of, “Let’s take a deep dive into a very comically web development and digital marketing agency” is a BIG ask.

But strap in. This is worth it.

We Cannot Stop Laughing at Yakima WebSite Design, Because Holy Shit

Continue reading

Let’s Talk About Why Ewan McGregor Hasn’t Been Nominated for an Oscar Yet

“Is there a ’37 Dresses, but with Oscars’ joke to make here, or is that an obscure reference even for us?”

~Our Research Staff

Ewan-McGregor

Here’s a sentence you didn’t expect to read today. Let’s talk about Ewan McGregor.

Specifically, Ewan McGregor’s ability to star in, and anchor, both blockbuster films as well as critical darlings, without putting enough attention on himself to warrant award recognition.

Consider this. The 49-year-old British actor’s first onscreen appearance was 28 years ago. In that time, he has 91 credits to his name, won a Golden Globe for his work on Fargo‘s third season, and has two additional Golden Globe nomination alongside three Emmy nominations.

But he’s never once been nominated for an Academy Award.

For 99% of actors, this is not exactly surprising. There are plenty of actors who are household names, with plenty of credits, who have never even sniffed award season. But give us a moment to call bullshit.

How Has Ewan McGregor Not Gotten an Oscar Nomination?

Continue reading

Which Characters From “Star Trek: The Next Generation” Fucked

“I thought we couldn’t get any lower than talking about how horny that Paper Mario N64 game was, but here we are…”

~Affotd Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt

star trek the next generation cast

For reasons that should be apparent, our staff has had a lot of time on our hands to try to binge various tv series we’ve not previously seen. In this case, that show was Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Now, you might get a little public-distance-based unease at the idea of a group of drunk people watching 176 episodes of television inside during a pandemic, but don’t worry. Our staff has taken all the proper precautions.

We’ve literally never stepped foot outside of our office since March 15th. Except for one intern, who we send out twice a week to do all of our grocery shopping. He has to leave all the food and booze outside of our office and then he must scurry off to spend the rest of his time alone in a small, hermetically-sealed closet.

We don’t even talk to him over the phone, in case the virus can be transmitted wirelessly. He has lost his mind.

But enough about Darren, who apparently has changed his name to “Lorgon, the final man” in a fit of mania. Let’s talk about Star Trek. Because guess what?

This shit is HORNY.

Every Star Trek: The Next Generation Character Who Has Fucked

Continue reading

Every Oscar-Nominated Actor Who Has Appeared in the Star Wars Cinematic Universe

“There are 44 Oscar nominees who have appeared in a Star Wars movie.”

~Our Staff, All Week, They Literally Won’t Shut Up About it

star wars logo

This article is very pointless and dumb for most people, and our writers are obsessed with it. Let’s talk about Star Wars, you buncha nerds.

Since 1977, the world has been gifted (and in some case, begrudgingly offered as a cash grab) eleven different films in the Star Wars Universe. There are also some animated tv shows out there if you really want to get deep into that shit.

During that time, many well-regarded actors with numerous accolades have appeared in a Star Wars film. Specifically, the Star Wars universe features a staggering amount of Academy Award nominated individuals who appear, either onscreen or as voices, in these films. We counted. It’s 44. 

Keep in mind, many other famous actors have appeared in these films who have not been nominated for an Academy Award. Ewan McGregor and Christopher Lee have never received Oscar nominations, for example (though McGregor has Golden Globe nominations)

Frank Oz (a.k.a. Yoda) has an Emmy. Jimmy Smits (Bail Organa) has won a Golden Globe. By the way, did you know that Rose Byrne (2 Golden Globe nominations) was in Attack of the Clones?  And Joel Edgerton, who was in the prequel trilogy as young Owen Lars, has a Golden Globe nomination to his name for Loving. They are not on this list. But a LOT of people are! Anyway! Let’s get into this nerd fest!

Every Oscar-Nominee Who Has Appeared in a Star Wars Film

Continue reading

We Don’t Do TV Reviews…But Let’s Review the 30 Rock Peacock Reunion Special

“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

~Harvey Dent. Wait these are supposed to be fake quotes…

Screen Shot 2020-07-18 at 3.22.06 PM

Hi there! If you’ve recently discovered our site, you probably think of AFFotD as that place where we do too much research about COVID and say “fuck” a lot. If you’ve been following us for a long time, you know that we usually like to celebrate weird history, booze, and food while making fun of other nations’ cultures while saying “fuck” a lot.

This will not be any of those things.

This is goin to be a review of TV special. Which is a thing we literally never write about.

But our staff has been longtime fans of the shot 30 Rock, and 30 Rock released a quarantine reunion special. And…well…we normally don’t weigh in on such matters, but…

The 30 Rock Reunion Special Is Very Bad in a Way That Makes Us Very Sad

Continue reading

Who Fucked Up Part 2: How States Are Handling Reopening One Month Since Our Last Check-in

“You know the more we write in-depth articles on this, the less we’re able to get away with ‘if you don’t like this lol ignore us we’re dumb’ right?”

~AFFotD’s Lawyers

covid july

Oh boy…

Last month, we sat down and wrote 18,000 words in a very off-brand attempt to take a snapshot at how each state and territory was handling closing and reopening during the COVID-19 pandemic. Of those 18,000 words, 149 were “fuck”, 89 were “fucked”, 20 were “fucking” and we tossed in a single instance of fucker and fuckers in there for good measure. This is the level of discourse we bring to the table here at America Fun Fact of the Day.

The reaction was actually far less angry than we anticipated—we had one guy gripe that our article was “dumb” and that there was a lot of “needless profanity.” Keep in mind, this was an individual who willingly read a punishingly massive article called “Who Fucked Up” so the term dumb is kind of relative, isn’t it?

Anyway, similarly, our follow up to that article is a very stupid and pointless enterprise. You should know going into this, we’re not doctors, we’re not trying to be political but somehow us talking about masks will be viewed as such, and we swear a bunch and write while drunk. If you care enough about our opinion to get upset, you really need to re-evaluate how you consume your news, Tucker.

Obviously when we made the decision to write this article two weeks ago, things looked a little less….um…listen we want to keep this light and humorous because the world is on fire and we might as well play some pretty songs while we go down with this ship.

So let’s do this! We’re going to list every state and territory, showing how they looked in June and how they look now. We’ll do a basic rundown of the initial shutdowns and reopenings of each one, reveal if we thought they had fucked up at the time, discuss any further reopenings (or, sigh, new closings), and finally we’ll ask have they fucked up, or are they fucking up.

It’s very scientific. And by scientific, we mean, what’s the opposite of scientific? Oh right, drunk people looking at charts and making broad generalizations about a very serious thing while shoehorning in some dick jokes. GodDAMNit we didn’t make a joke about Florida looking like a wang in our last article, did we? We should rectify that.

Sorry, we got distracted for a moment. ANYWAY. HERE WE GO.

Who Fucked Up Part 2: How States Are Handling Reopening One Month Since Our Last Check-in

Continue reading

“Family Gift Nation” Sells “Funny Summer Shorts for the Family” and We “Hate Them So Much”

“Hey honey, look at these shorts! Aren’t they funny? It’s SUGGESTIVE ha ha! What’s that? What do you mean you’re leaving me?”

~The Average Customer at Family Gift Nation

family gift nation

There’s no use explaining how we became aware of Family Gift Nation, a website devoted to selling extremely white bread, extremely cheesy sentiment so bland and fucking precious it makes those “Live, Laugh, Love” wine glasses looking like fucking meth pipes.

They almost exclusively sell watches, wallets, music boxes, and, um, engraved basketballs that are covered with, we shit you not, like 75 words of copy along the lines of, “My DEAREST SON, you are the true LIGHT OF MY LIFE, and when we SUMMER in the FINGER LAKES, just know that you are my SPECIAL LITTLE BOY and I will do ANYTHING to help you achieve your dreams of making VARSITY on the LACROSSE TEAM and I mean ANYTHING my SPECIAL CHILD.”

If you think we’re being a bit hyperbolic here, just check this shit out. Jesus Christ.

Anyway, while 90% of this nightmare site is wholesome bullshit that you’d expect to see on a dish towel in the kitchen of a super evangelical Christian woman who doesn’t give money to food banks for borderline racial reasons, there is one other type of item that they sell.

And they’re terrible. So we’re going to talk about…

Family Gift Nation’s Horrible, Horrible Joke Shorts

Continue reading

Paper Mario 64 Is the Horniest Video Game Ever Made

“Okay, so Mario has to get the Star-Rod, but you can also play as Peach, who gets help from Twink, okay guys what is it why are you all giggling?”

~Nintendo 64’s Focus Group Leader

IMG_5393

The last article we posted was an 18,000 word piece that took us five days to write, and at least 20 hours to research. It was a state-by-state analysis of how each America is handling the COVID-19 crisis that is currently *insert some cliche “we’re in this together” bullshit you’ve heard in like 500,000 commercials.*

So naturally, since people are talking about how we “did so much research” to provide “essential information” in our most recent post, we decided to follow that up with, just, the least essential article ever. This brings us so much joy. It is the dumbest thing we have ever done. We are truly children. Anyway, let’s have at it!

Paper Mario 64 Is the Horniest Video Game Ever Made

Continue reading

Who Fucked Up? How States Are Handling Reopening in the Time of COVID

“Guys, why are you making me do real news? We’ve NEVER even come CLOSE to writing real news. Oh Jesus Christ, this is going to be so long isn’t it?”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt. 

Screen Shot 2020-06-09 at 8.15.33 PM

Listen, we’re not happy about this article either.

This is not going to be worth the effort it takes to compile and, despite the fact that we’re going to try to fill this article with a combination of dumb dick jokes and meticulously compiled data, presented without too much overt bias, this will somehow piss off people, because apparently showing and discussing boring, dispassionate charts is considered “political” by about 25% of you fucking morons.

We are just looking at when states started opening up their economy, and we’re comparing that to how, as of the publication of this article, their infection rates of COVID-19 are trending. That’s it.

Document

We’re not saying that, if a state suddenly has a spike that looks like you’d need a fucking ladder to climb it, the state in question will forever suck at reopening their state. We’re not saying that states that held off on reopening are going to magically be in better shape than anywhere else.

Listen. If you’re reading this article at any point more than a few days from its publication, it could be oddly prophetic, or it could be a receipt left on the internet of how we misinterpreted how these trends would look in the long term.

That’s fine! This is literally a time capsule for this day, and however the data plays out after this point, it’s not at all tied to our ego. We wrote this over the course of like five days, and even in that short period of time some states saw HUGE changes from what we initially were seeing.

We had to go back and update all our charts, because while some were still accurate, some had some AGGRESSIVE CHANGES! If you’re reading this in September, we acknowledge that this article is going to seem quaint in its assumption that things are hunky-dory at some places they are not. We’re not happy that we spent about 20 hours writing this either.

And listen, if this article is proven to be stupid in a week, and states that we chastised for rushing into things ended up trending downward, cool! We’ll be glad to be wrong! We write stupid articles all the time. Like, that’s kind of our thing.

Anyway, all that we’re saying is, if you get mad reading our analysis here, maybe fuck off a lot. No, seriously. Shut it. Nope. Just. Shh. Shut up. Chill out.

And for the rest of you, you may often find yourself wondering this one question. And as of early-to-mid- June of 2020, this article will be your answer to—

Who Fucked Up? How States Are Handling Reopening in the Time of COVID

Continue reading

6 of the Goofiest American Names From the 19th Century

“It’s like an entire century decided to find a name funnier than Seymour Butts.”

~American Historians Looking at Goofy American Names

pete la cock

In the past, when we spent time looking into baseball players of the 19th century to find some really goofy names, it was primarily to talk about how silly, yet delightful, the Wild Wild West days of early Major League Baseball truly was.

But the more we thought about it, the more we wondered—what if it wasn’t just baseball players that had strange, laughable names back then? What if the era was responsible for ridiculous names more than just the sport of baseball?

It seemed plausible, and so we did a little digging (read as—we found a list on tumblr and did some googling to make sure the names weren’t just made up). And because very little gives us more joy in life than making fun of people whose parents really should not have tried to get “creative” coming up with a word to describe a human for their whole fucking life, we’re going to make fun of some names that are goofier than your name.

Except for you, Brandalynn. Your name is white trash garbage.

6 of the Goofiest American Names From the 19th Century

fucking brandalynn

Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s a gender neutral name too?

Continue reading