Category Archives: Miscellaneous America

Do you want to know about America’s craziest patents? How about our worst reality TV shows? Are you curious about competitive beard growing? Do you wonder what that weird boil looking thing on your back is? We can tell you about all of those things (except the last one) and much much more in our Miscellaneous America section.

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 1: The Dreaded 80s)

“Live from New York it’s…wait who the hell is that?”

~Don Pardo (RIP)

SNL

On April 14th, 2018, John Mulaney hosted Saturday Night Live’s 847th episode. Mulaney, a former writer for the show, was warmly received even if he’s not exactly a household name. Sure, Mulaney had a Netflix stand up show that he was pushing, but there’s a fair chance that twenty or thirty years from now, some writer for AFFotD will be doing some research and go, “Wait, John Mulaney hosted Saturday Night Live? Who the hell is that? And why am I speaking Russian?”

As it turns out, this is not an uncommon phenomenon. Not only does Saturday Night Live bring in a lot of guests who are only on the fringe of famous, they also tend to pull the trigger on a lot of flash-in-the-pans that immediately fade away from our collective consciousness. This fascinates us, so we (probably incorrectly) assume it will fascinate you.

We’ve gone ahead and compiled a list of 30+ people who have hosted SNL, arguably the most influential and important comedy show in television history, that made us go, “Wait…they hosted Saturday Night Live? Who the hell is that?”

Not surprisingly, this is going to take a long time. And we’re going to have to split this into categories, starting with the 1980s, because the 1980s on SNL were, to put it politely, a fucking train wreck. So enjoy the first of six installments of our latest series (which probably won’t be quite as intense as, say, our Re-Awarding the Oscars series) of…

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 1: The Dreaded 80s)

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Six Strangest Marketing Gimmicks Used By Hidden Valley Ranch

“Ranch Dressing.”

~One of Four Check Boxes on Medical Forms Under “Reason For Heart Attack.”

 ranch

Ranch dressing claims to be one of the, if not the only, truly American salad dressing. We do not dispute this. No, seriously, we’ve written to that effect and everything. Hidden Valley, a ranch in California, originally invented the creamy gluttonous delicacy in the 50s before selling the brand to Clorox for $8 million in 1972. You’d think that Ranch sells itself, but the folks behind Hidden Valley apparently disagree. Today, Hidden Valley Ranch sells about half a billion dollars’ worth of product a year, but in order to keep things fresh, they’ve been rolling out some, oh, let’s say “interesting” marketing gimmicks. You’ve probably heard about some of them. But not all. So we compiled the rest of them here for you. Because we don’t know about you, but when we think of Ranch dressing, we definitely think “gold, gem-encrusted bottle.” Or we do now, apparently.

Six Strangest Marketing Gimmicks Used By Hidden Valley Ranch

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An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 4- Names That Are Also Penis Jokes, Because We Are Grown Adults)

“Haha, we have the emotional maturity of children.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt

 dick van dyke

You knew it was just a matter of time until this would happen. After devoting nearly 4,000 words to celebrities with stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame who are either kind of famous (but shouldn’t have stars), super obscure (and randomly have stars), and have silly names (and stars) we’ve landed on the most important part of this whole endeavor.

Dick jokes.

Okay, okay, we’re kidding, you got us, no we’re not going to just write an entire article of “people with stars on the Walk of Fame who have a pun for male genitalia somewhere in their name.” No, that would be childish, ridiculous and, frankly, unprofessional.

There’s also a name with the word “butt” in there.

Listen, we’re not happy about it either, but this is happening, so strap on in.

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 4- Names That Are Also Penis Jokes, Because We Are Grown Adults)

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An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 3- Silly Names)

“Tee-hee, look at the name on that star.”

~Tourists walking down the Hollywood Walk of Fame

 walk of fame

We’ve already written two articles about the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and specifically about the people who manage to get their name put on stars that make us think, “…Huh. Really?” We’ve already talked about some famous people who might not be super deserving, as well as some people we have never fucking heard of that are scattered throughout. But now we’re going to go to our favorite section—people who got their stars despite being people we’ve never heard of who also have extremely silly names.

And no, we’re not going to have names that sound like dirty jokes. That would be juvenile. Also, we’re saving all those for part four. Here we go!

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 3- Silly Names)

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An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 2- Much, Much, Much Less Famous, but Equally Confusing Entries)

“What do you mean no one knows who I am anymore? I got a star on the Walk of Fame, dammit!”

~Wesley Ruggles

holly wood star

Last week, we posted an article about famous celebrities who have a star on the Walk of Fame that maybe, just maybe, proved that getting a star has less to do with your achievements and more to do with your willingness to find someone to spend $40,000 on the damn thing. But despite the amount of shit we gave Bobby Flay for his Hollywood star, all the people included in our first article were at least some amount of famous to today’s culture.

But Hollywood has been around for a while, and let’s just say that not all the stars on the Walk of Fame have aged particularly gracefully. So for our second Hollywood Walk of Fame article, we will focus on people who, sure, may have been big deals a half century ago, but now simply elicit blank stares of, “…Who?” when we come across their name today. Consider this, we don’t know, a history lesson or something.

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 2- Much, Much, Much Less Famous, but Equally Confusing Entries)

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An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 1- Famous But Confusing Entries)

“Meh, I’m good.”

~Clint Eastwood, When Nominated For a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

rugrats

Ever since it opened to the public in 1960, the Hollywood Walk of Fame has held a special place as an arbiter of cultural importance. You know someone’s made it when they get their name on a star. It shows that they’re real giants of the industry. You know, your John Waynes, your Steven Spielbergs, your Levar Burtons. However, the process for getting a star might not be quite as selective as you’d think. It largely depends on agreeing to show up to the ceremony, and getting a third party to pay $40,000 for the application fee. Sure, there’s a committee that has to determine if you’re “worth” the star, but that’s more of a formality than anything else. Which means that people who are, let’s say, fringe candidates get stars surprisingly often.

And as a result, there are some…let’s say strange stars on the Walk of Fame. So, we did some digging, and helped come up with an incomplete list of stars that have been given to people (or things) that we find generally bemusing. Since there were so many (seriously there are so many stars on the damn thing) we decided to split it into four parts. Here’s part one, entries that you’ve definitely heard of, but when you hear they got a star on the Walk of Fame your initial response would be…really?

An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 1- Famous But Confusing Entries)

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The Worst Sports Fan Apparel Ever Made

“I just wanted to root for the Cubs, why do we have to bring death into this?”

~Normal Baseball Fans

cubs shirt

Look at that right there. That, friends, is a bad idea for a sports shirt. It’s not for sale anymore since, you know, the Cubs won one before many (not all ☹) people died. But as sports apparel, it’s shockingly bad. It’s awkward, it’s weird, and it makes everyone involved uncomfortable. And it’s hardly unique among athletic paraphernalia. There are a shocking amount of shirts, jerseys, and, well, miscellaneous items out there for sale that are intended to show your mettle as a true “super fan” that back fire in truly spectacular ways. Here are some of those items.

The Worst Sports Fan Apparel Ever Made

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10 Ridiculous Items Built By Car Companies (That Aren’t Cars)

“Sure, we make cars, but you know what we don’t make?  Not cars.”

~Car Companies, apparently?

fast car

It’s no real secret that car companies don’t just use their vast infrastructure and manufacturing facilities to sell cars.  Nissan makes boat engines, Toyota makes luxury yachts, and Hummer makes you look like a douche.  But some items that car makers manufacture are, let’s say, surprising.  So surprising, in fact, that we had no idea they existed until it was brought to our attention by loyal reader Mark from Foosball Zone.  He did the bulk of the research for this article, which we then scrapped and re-wrote ourselves, because we’re kind of jerks like that.  But seriously, hit up his site and give him some love, and thanks Mark for working with us on this as our primary researcher.

Oh, what’s that?  You want to know what the article is going to be about?  Okay, fair, we got a bit ahead of ourselves with our legal disclaimer of how we stole an article but like, didn’t steal steal an article, but here you go.

10 Ridiculous Items Built By Car Companies (That Aren’t Cars)

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Chang and Eng Bunker Were America’s Original Siamese Twins

“But how did they…you know…”

Trust Us, We’ve Been Wondering the Same Thing, All We’ve Got Are Theories at This Point

chang and eng

We as a species have been making humans for long enough that we’ve mostly got the kinks worked out. Two people get sweaty together, nine months later a new person comes out, and typically that person has a set number of fingers, toes and, like, bones.  Listen we’re not biologists or whatever, but you get the point.  However, sometimes that whole process doesn’t exactly work out as intended, which is what happened to Chang and Eng Bunker, two Thai-Americans born in the early 19th century.  Specifically, their number of fingers, toes and, like, bones…well, sort of doubled. Yes, as you’ve probably figured out from the picture just above this inelegant paragraph, Chang and Eng Bunker were conjoined twins.  Actually, they’re kind of the reason why conjoined twins are called Siamese twins, and will be about 75% of the time no matter how angry you get about it online. Despite being born in a time and place with the odds stacked against them in the most impressive way possible, they actually ended up living a full and American life.  They pretty much represented the American Dream (okay but with more slave owning, *cringe*).

Here’s their story.

Chang and Eng Bunker Were America’s Original Siamese Twins

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The Five Most Ridiculous Beverages That Come in Kegs

“Update: for the right price u can put anything in a keg”

~Actual Yahoo Answers User

keg

Everyone loves kegs because they represent, essentially, unlimited beer.  Do you know how much beer you can get from a single keg?  If you go with a half barrel, you’ve got yourself 165 bottles of beer.  That’s so much beer for just a few people—let’s be honest, most of the time you get one of those suckers for a party, unless it’s a barnburner, you’re not going to use the whole keg (challenge accepted).

But at least drinking an entire keg of beer seems doable.  Sure, you have to deal with a shitload of beer, but you can handle that. It’s beer.  Beer can be drunk, lots of it, in a short period of time.  But did you know that we put other things in kegs?  Other…strange things?  Well we do.  Not all of them were particularly thought through, though.

The Five Most Ridiculous Beverages That Come in Kegs

plants in keg

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