“We’ve gone this long avoiding being BuzzFeed, but now that no one cares about BuzzFeed…let’s do it.”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt
So here we are.
We’re doing a “hot or not” post.
Some backstory. Well, not enough to forgive the premise of this article, but whatever.
Our staff decided to binge through the Harry Potter films over the course of two days. We’re literally watching The Order of the Phoenix as we write this, and as we watch this film in the year 2020, a film that centers around how a government can deceive you by discrediting accurate media and replacing independent government agents because they don’t speak to an evil agenda, we couldn’t stop ourselves from getting controversial.
Watching this type of film, during the lost year that is 2020, we knew we had to talk about this movie. And we had to talk about a single topic.
And that topic is…….
Which Actors in the Harry Potter Franchise Ended Up Being Hot
We’re so sorry.
Here’s the thing. When casting Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, every role basically involved a roll of the dice. Puberty is a wild card. And this film required dozens of children be cast to basically appear in high budget films for, like, eight years.
But no, let’s see who ended up being physically attractive. We’re monsters!
Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe)
Daniel Radcliffe’s story is far too complex and, frankly, hard for our “WOO BOOZE” assumed voice to discuss effectively. He had all the partying “cautionary tales” you’ expect from child actors, but he parlayed that into sobriety and a willingness to pursue interesting and, frankly, weird roles that are exciting in a way that you think “he’s having fun doing this.” Basically, he seems to be a cool guy.
But this isn’t about if he seems like a cool hang (HE DOES). It’s about if he’s hot.
To the previous point that casting directors can’t account for puberty, the actor formerly known as Harry Potter is 5 foot 5. And some people might find that to be a turn off. But. Let’s be real. Is our dude hot? Does he have it?
He has it.
Is He Hot: YES
Hermione Granger (Emma Watson)
Ugh this is the one that’s gross to write about. Emma Watson is an established actress, and has made a name for herself about speaking to topics such as “articles about people being hot are problematic.” We’ll just address that she grew up to be an attractive, independent, and assertive person, and move on to where it’s easier for us to make jokes in this article we’re writing drunk at midnight.
Is She Hot: Like, Yeah
Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint)
Ho boy. This is where things get hard. Ugh. This article was a bad idea. Of the main three actors in the series, it’s obvious that Grint has been the actor most likely to appear in a Lifetime movie as a cameo. But again, he’s got that fuck off Harry Potter money, so no judgements.
That said…he’s definitely never blossomed into a leading man. Or the funny best friend. We’re not saying he’s eyeing a roll for Trainspotting 3: The Spottening but…
Is He Hot: 20% of You Are HERE FOR IT, but No 😦
Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton)
Ugh, Malfoy was the worst. But gotta give it to our boy Felton. He’s got those ocean blues and clearly moisturizes.
Is He Hot: Yup
Ginny Weasley (Bonnie Wright)
Why does it feel inherently more awkward to make these determinations when it’s a female actress even though our staffer writing this is a straight white dude (SHOCKING WE KNOW)? Either way, Ginny’s cute! She’s apparently a big activist currently. Good for her!
Is She Hot: Sure!
Luna Lovegood (Evanna Lynch)
For some reason we thought that the actress who played Luna Lovegood was someone who got famous randomly. Like “Oh can you believe that was actually EMMA STONE?” That is not the case.
That said, she’s not been an A-lister or anything, but she also has taken to being an activist that is only called unattractive by people who are mad they can’t get a date with her.
Is She Hot: Yep
Crabbe (Jamie Waylett)
Shockingly, the guy cast to be a random thug ended up getting arrested for participating in the 2011 London riots.
Is He Hot: C’Mon. Nope
Neville Longbottom (Matthew Lewis)
Let’s let Dean Pelton answer this for us.
Is He Hot: Honestly the Fact That He’s THIS Hot May Be the Reason We Wrote This Article
Severus Snape (Alan Rickman)
The original thirst queen.
Is He Hot: Of Course. We’ll Physically Attack Anyone Who Besmirches Hans Gruber. RIP You Beautiful Wizard.