Category Archives: Our Greatest Presidents

If you want to know about badass American presidents, look no further. As an added bonus we’ve included a list of the 10 ugliest Vice-Presidents, because they might not have been our Greatest Presidents, but they helped make American Presidents look attractive by comparison.

Every American President Who Was a Junior

“Lol try and guess my actual birth name. No, seriously, give it a shot.”

~Gerald Ford

Gerald Ford and Betty Ford

For most Americans with children, there is a sense of continuing your legacy that comes with siring a child. (Is that what parents call it? All of our writers are single and aren’t allowed to “hold their baby nephews” because we “reek of whiskey and, Jesus, is that what opium smells like?” so we’r out of our element here.) 

However, some parents (mostly fathers, honestly) want to take that concept a step further by actually passing on their name to their children. This should not shock you—there are many famous Juniors in the world, from Ken Griffey Jr. (the baseball player more successful than his baseball playing father) to Martin Luther King Jr. (the Civil Rights hero whose father founded Lutheranism, right? Our research staff has been MIA for a few months, honestly.)

However, not every Junior actually carries their Jr. title. Some, like your Dennis Juniors, go by initials like DJ. And others just drop the Jr. all together. 

Apparently, that latter category applies to a surprising amount of American presidents. And with the swearing in of Joe Biden, formally known as Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., we decided we’d look back at American history and let you know every president whose name is basically a photocopy of their father’s name. 

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AFFotD Presents: Dunking on Old Timey Pictures of Civil War Generals

“Lol this is the dumbest thing we’ve ever written that’ll randomly make very uninteresting people very mad.”

~Our Lawyers

Image of Civil War battle

The Civil War is, apparently, a very complex and complicated subject, which is weird because it kind of seems that the two sides were “America” and “a group of people who wanted to not be part of America and lost, and wanted slaves” but maybe that’s just our silly American tendency to root for winners.

Anyway, if you’re here to examine the nuance of the Civil War’s socioeconomic impact on this country, or even hear a semi-coherent history of the war, we have terrible news. This article isn’t that.

But if you are here to see us post pictures of a bunch of Union and Confederate Generals and just roast them mercilessly because every Civil War General looked like a fucking Muppet, well, you’re in luck. Because we are here to prove that…

Every Picture of Every Civil War General Is Low-Key Hilarious

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The History of All Six Desks Ever Used in the Oval Office

“Fuck you I want my own goddamn desk.”

~Lyndon B. Johnson

white house desk

Years ago, in the infancy of our existence as a website, we wrote about The White House, because what is more American than having our President live a mansion where he can get his work done while having a cheeseburger sent to his room at 3AM as he drunkenly calls the President of Greece to tell him that Ouzo sucks?

But we didn’t really devote a lot of time to the actual Oval Office, where shit gets done.  And when we think of the one defining feature of the Oval Office (other than the shape, smartass), we think of the desk where the President sits and, we can say this with absolute certainty, farts at least a few times a day.

The President’s desk is ornate, and “presidential” and, somewhat shockingly, usually shared. In fact, in the whole history of the White House, there have only been six desks used in the Oval Office, many shared by Presidents with very different ideologies who somehow have managed to avoid carving dicks in the wood as a gift to their successors. We’re amazed they had the restraint.

We wouldn’t have. If we had to give our desk to the guy replacing us, it’d be dick central. You couldn’t find a spot on the thing that didn’t have dicks.

This article is not going to be about dicks carved into White House furniture. It is, however about…

The History of All Six Desks Ever Used in the Oval Office

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: Franklin Pierce

“There is nothing left but to get drunk.”

~Franklin Pierce, Remarking on the End of His Presidency (no, seriously, he actually said that)

 franklin pierce

We’ve written three articles about America’s Drunkest Presidents, and this is the first time where we’re truly wandering into uncomfortable territory, since we’re about to tell you about a guy who totally died of liver disease due to his drinking. But our 14th President, Franklin Pierce, spent all 64 years of his life getting absolutely wrecked, and that definitely makes him one of our Drunkest Presidents, so let’s just not dwell on the human tragedy involved, and talk about booze.  Cool?  Okay, cool.

America’s Drunkest Presidents: Franklin Pierce

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The Six Worst Presidential Haircuts of All Time

“Mirror?  What’s that?”

~These Six Presidents

presidential seal

We talk about presidents a lot on this website, which now that we say it out loud shouldn’t be all that surprising for a website called America Fun Fact of the Day. We tend to judge our history through the wars we fight and the men who lead us, so naturally the only patriotic thing to do is to document that history with articles about the goofiest pictures of American presidents, or about how drunk they get.

Okay so maybe we’re not writing the most important articles about our past.  Or maybe we are.

We’re definitely not.

Here are the six American presidents who had the worst hairstyles of all time. We regret nothing.

The Six Worst Presidential Haircuts of All Time

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: Martin Van Buren

“If you’re asking if I’d rather be president or not get drunk I think you damn well know the answer to that.”

~Martin Van Buren

martin van buren

All presidents drink…well, okay, except for the last two Republican presidents we’ve had, which, like, that’s a really weird random thing, right?  Like, “the last two teetotaler presidents we’ve had were Donald Trump and George W. Bush, that’s a weird fact.”

But anyway, before we invite all the Pepes of the internet into our comments section, let’s just talk about how most presidents like to get drunk every now and then, and some of them are spectacular at it. We’ve already told you about George Washington (just, top notch president, and impressive drinker) and James Buchanan (like, he was to the United States Presidency what a trenchcoat full of cottonmouth snakes would be to, we don’t know, something that snakes would fuck up. Human ankles? But he was also a superhuman drinker. Hmm maybe those two were related.)

But that brings us to our next drunk president, Martin Van Buren, who was… okay well, also a shitty president, but he was a shitty president that could drink, and apparently viewed personal grooming the way an “already drunk at 6 in the morning, or maybe still drunk from last night at 6 in the morning” kind of person would.

Seriously, look at that picture at the top of this article.  Like, dude, there are like three pictures of you in existence, you couldn’t find anyone who had a fucking comb?

But anyway, this is not the space for us to make fun of Martin Van Buren’s hairstyle (but look forward to our article “The 6 Presidents With The Worst Haircuts in American History” which, like, is written now) but rather to talk about his impressive ability to just, drink and get shitty. And here we go!

America’s Drunkest Presidents:  Martin Van Buren

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: James Buchanan

“Hangover?  I hardly even KNOW her!  Ha ha ha, oh, I’m an awful president.”

~James Buchanan  

 buchanan 1

The founding entry of our new segment entitled “America’s Drunkest Presidents” was about George Washington, our founding father.   We basically took one of our greatest presidents in history, and talked about how was also one of the greatest drinking president in history, because we are legally obligated to talk up George Washington and ignore some of that not-so-cooloh-shit-don’t-click-these-links stuff.  That said, he was an impressive drinker, which we’re super thankful for since the idea of a teetotaler as our badass founding General is too much for us to take.  However, even though it worked out that way the first time, this segment is not called “America’s Best Drunk Presidents.”  It is just “America’s Drunkest Presidents.”

We want to make that clarification before we go ahead and tell you about arguably the best drinking president we’ve ever had.  But as good as he was at drinking (and, you’ll see, he was super good at it) he was pretty much the polar opposite at presidenting (just, so bad, you guys.)

So let’s talk about James Buchanan, the very drunk, but no good, 17th president of the United States.

America’s Drunkest Presidents:  James Buchanan

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: George Washington

“Listen, it’s the 18th century, you’d drink to chase the boredom too.”

~George Washington

washington

America loves drinking so much that a bunch of people set us aside and said, “America, we think you may have a problem,” and actively banned the entire nation from drinking booze.

And our response to that was to say, “In the entire history of our nation, we have never repealed an amendment.  Until now, GIVE US BACK OUR BOOZE YOU ASSHATS.” That’s history to be proud of, and it’s no surprise that many of the greatest figures behind this, the greatest country in the world, are also some of history’s greatest drinkers.

Which is why it is our duty, and frankly our pleasure, to introduce the latest running series to America Fun Fact of the Day. Welcome to America’s Drunkest Presidents, where we look at the drinking habits of our greatest presidents and tell you which ones were the drunkest.

This is important work we’re doing here. This is God’s work. One nation under God.  One nation under drunk. Like, like the, you know. Like the Pledge of Allegiance?  Only, okay, cards on the table, we’re pretty soused right now.

Let’s start with our first president, who spent more money on booze in a year than most people do in a decade.

America’s Drunkest Presidents:  George Washington

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The 5 Best Presidential Pets in American History

“Squack, I’ll keep whatever pet I goddamn well please, squack.”

~Andrew Jackson’s Pet Parrot

Horse

It’s almost an unwritten rule that America’s President take care of a pet during their stay in the White House, even if the only reason is that having a pet is a good way to make the man with more power than anyone else in the free world just a tad bit more relatable  And also because pets are adorable.

When this article was written, in the before times, the White House was home to two Portuguese Water Dogs, and dogs and cats are pretty typical presidential pets because they’re pretty typical regular pets.  But that’s not always the case. Throughout our nation’s histories, some presidents have decided, “I’m the President, goddamn it, I can choose any pet I want” before taking care of the best and most insane pets ever.

Here are five times that American Presidents thought a bit outside the box when it came to pets.

The 5 Best Presidential Pets in American History

yooooo

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Every Air Force One in American History

“Get off my plane.”

~Indiana Jones

air force one

Outside of children who are big fans of those Planes movies, nowhere in American society is a single aircraft more iconic than Air Force One. When we fly our President around, we fly him in style, in a cutting-edge jet that can survive a direct blast from a nuclear bomb and is exclusively piloted by Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger. Okay, neither of those things are true, but Air Force One is so mythic that a decent handful of you absolutely took us for our word there.

Air Force One is an American icon, both over and underappreciated at the same time. So we decided to take a moment to sit you down (you are sitting, right?) and tell you about the history of our President’s super expensive charter jet. And since we’re feeling generous, we’ll just let you know about every Air Force One plane that has ever existed, partly because we like to be as thorough as we can when it comes to discussing presidential aircraft, but mainly because we want as many excuses to post scenes from the movie Air Force One on our site.

Every Air Force One in American History

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