Category Archives: Our Greatest Presidents

If you want to know about badass American presidents, look no further. As an added bonus we’ve included a list of the 10 ugliest Vice-Presidents, because they might not have been our Greatest Presidents, but they helped make American Presidents look attractive by comparison.

The Six Worst Presidential Haircuts of All Time

“Mirror?  What’s that?”

~These Six Presidents

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We talk about presidents a lot on this website, which now that we say it out loud shouldn’t be all that surprising for a website called America Fun Fact of the Day.  We tend to judge our history through the wars we fight and the men who lead us, so naturally the only patriotic thing to do is to document that history with articles about the goofiest pictures of American presidents, or about how drunk they get.  Okay so maybe we’re not writing the most important articles about our past.  Or maybe we are.

We’re definitely not.  Here are the six American presidents who had the worst hairstyles of all time.  We regret nothing.

The Six Worst Presidential Haircuts of All Time

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: Martin Van Buren

“If you’re asking if I’d rather be president or not get drunk I think you damn well know the answer to that.”

~Martin Van Buren

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All presidents drink…well, okay, except for the last two Republican presidents we’ve had, which, like, that’s a really weird random thing, right?  Like, “the last two teetotaler presidents we’ve had were Donald Trump and George W. Bush, that’s a weird fact.”  But anyway, before we invite all the Pepes of the internet into our comments section, let’s just talk about how most presidents like to get drunk every now and then, and some of them are spectacular at it.  We’ve already told you about George Washington (just, top notch president, and impressive drinker) and James Buchanan (like, he was to the United States Presidency what a trenchcoat full of cottonmouth snakes would be to the Au Pair in America, but he was also a superhuman drinker.  Hmm maybe those two were related.)

But that brings us to our next drunk president, Martin Van Buren, who was… okay well, also a shitty president, but he was a shitty president that could drink, and apparently viewed personal grooming the way an “already drunk at 6 in the morning, or maybe still drunk from last night at 6 in the morning” kind of person would.  Seriously, look at that picture at the top of this article.  Like, dude, there are like three pictures of you in existence, you couldn’t find anyone who had a fucking comb?

But anyway, this is not the space for us to make fun of Martin Van Buren’s hairstyle (but look forward to our article “The 5 Presidents With The Worst Haircuts in American History” which, like, we actually have in the can) but rather to talk about his impressive ability to just, drink and get shitty.  And here we go!

America’s Drunkest Presidents:  Martin Van Buren

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: James Buchanan

“Hangover?  I hardly even KNOW her!  Ha ha ha, oh, I’m an awful president.”

~James Buchanan  

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The founding entry of our new segment entitled “America’s Drunkest Presidents” was about George Washington, our founding father.   We basically took one of our greatest presidents in history, and talked about how was also one of the greatest drinking president in history, because we are legally obligated to talk up George Washington and ignore some of that not-so-cooloh-shit-don’t-click-these-links stuff.  That said, he was an impressive drinker, which we’re super thankful for since the idea of a teetotaler as our badass founding General is too much for us to take.  However, even though it worked out that way the first time, this segment is not called “America’s Best Drunk Presidents.”  It is just “America’s Drunkest Presidents.”

We want to make that clarification before we go ahead and tell you about arguably the best drinking president we’ve ever had.  But as good as he was at drinking (and, you’ll see, he was super good at it) he was pretty much the polar opposite at presidenting (just, so bad, you guys.)

So let’s talk about James Buchanan, the very drunk, but no good, 17th president of the United States.

America’s Drunkest Presidents:  James Buchanan

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America’s Drunkest Presidents: George Washington

“Listen, it’s the 18th century, you’d drink to chase the boredom too.”

~George Washington

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America loves drinking so much that a bunch of people set us aside and said, “America, we think you may have a problem,” and actively banned the entire nation from drinking booze.  And our response to that was to say, “In the entire history of our nation, we have never repealed an amendment.  Until now, GIVE US BACK OUR BOOZE YOU ASSHATS.”  That’s history to be proud of, and it’s no surprise that many of the greatest figures behind this, the greatest country in the world, are also some of history’s greatest drinkers.

That is why it is our duty, and frankly our pleasure, to introduce the latest running series to America Fun Fact of the Day.  Welcome to America’s Drunkest Presidents, where we look at the drinking habits of our greatest presidents and tell you which ones were the drunkest.  This is important work we’re doing here.  This is God’s work.  One nation under God.  One nation under drunk.  Like, like the, you know.  Like the Pledge of Allegiance?  Only,   Okay, cards on the table, we’re pretty soused right now.

Let’s start with our first president, who spent more money on booze in a year than most people do in a decade.

America’s Drunkest Presidents:  George Washington

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The 5 Best Presidential Pets in American History

“Squack, I’ll keep whatever pet I goddamn well please, squack.”

~Andrew Jackson’s Pet Parrot

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It’s almost an unwritten rule that America’s President take care of a pet during their stay in the White House, even if the only reason is that having a pet is a good way to make the man with more power than anyone else in the free world just a tad bit more relatable.  And also because pets are adorable.  Currently, the White House is home to two Portuguese Water Dogs, and dogs and cats are pretty typical presidential pets because they’re pretty typical regular pets.  But that’s not always the case.  Throughout our nation’s histories, some presidents have decided, “I’m the President, goddamn it, I can choose any pet I want” before taking care of the best and most insane pets ever.

Here are five times that American Presidents thought a bit outside the box when it came to pets.

The 5 Best Presidential Pets in American History

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Every Air Force One in American History

“Get off my plane.”

~Indiana Jones

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Outside of children who are big fans of those Planes movies, nowhere in American society is a single aircraft more iconic than Air Force One.  When we fly our President around, we fly him in style, in a cutting-edge jet that can survive a direct blast from a nuclear bomb and is exclusively piloted by Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.  Okay, neither of those things are true, but Air Force One is so mythic that a decent handful of you absolutely took us for our word there.

Air Force One is an American icon, both over and underappreciated at the same time.  So we decided to take a moment to sit you down (you are sitting, right?) and tell you about the history of our President’s super expensive charter jet.  And since we’re feeling generous, we’ll just let you know about every Air Force One plane that has ever existed, partly because we like to be as thorough as we can when it comes to discussing presidential aircraft, but mainly because we want as many excuses to post scenes from the movie Air Force One on our site.

Every Air Force One in American History

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The Craziest People Running For President in 2016

“I would like to officially announce my candidacy for President of these United States of America.”

~Deez Nuts

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No matter what your gold hoarding uncles or temporarily-Libertarian college-aged cousins or Donald Trump might tell you, we live in a Democracy.  No, it’s true!  Anyone (yes, even you!) can run for President if you really wanted to.  Sure, the candidates you hear about in the news are all businessmen or politicians, usually independently wealthy, who gather hundreds of millions of dollars to bombard your TVs with negative ads about their opponents that sort of drown out into white noise after a while, but there are dozens, nay, hundreds of Americans right now who are looking for your vote in a completely legimtate and legally recognized manner.  No, seriously.  As of the posting of this article, there are 600 Americans who have formally announced their candidacy for President of the United States of America.

Holy shit, right?

Now, naturally all of these people have different levels of commitment to their campaigns—some take it very seriously, raising a few thousand dollars even though deep down they know they don’t have a chance, while others just sort of knee jerk send in their candidacy form and ignore it from thereon out (that’s right, we’re calling you out, Thomas Francis Winterbottom—with a name like that, and three Presidential runs under your belt, you should at least have a personal webpage).

Oh, right, and a bunch of the people running are gloriously, impossibly batshit insane.  No, stop it, we’ve already made the cheap Trump joke in this article, that’s all we’re allotted.  These people are actively nuts.  Let’s learn a bit more about their candidacy, shall we?

The Craziest People Running For President in 2016

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Boston Corbett: The (Insane) Killer Of John Wilkes Booth

“I mean, yeah.”

Boston Corbett, when asked “like, are you crazy, or?”

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So, let’s talk about history, shall we?  American history, naturally, because that’s the best kind, and all you “our church was made in 1103, and our beer has been brewed for a thousand years” European ninnys can hand us the beer, sure, but otherwise shut your damn mouths.  American history is great, largely because, and we can’t believe how this gets glossed over in our Social Studies books in elementary school, but it is deeply weird a lot of the time.  Like, we once had a president die because he drank a bunch of milk and ate too many cherriesDied!  A real honest-to-God Commander-in-Chief died doing an impression of someone who plays Pac Man but keeps wanting to be able to eat the ghosts.

So the point is, American history is awesome, and entertaining, and deeply, deeply weird, and we at America Fun Fact of the Day embrace that, because it means that every day we can come across something we didn’t know that suddenly becomes our new favorite fact.

For example, Boston Corbett, the man who shot and killed Abraham Lincoln’s assassin, was a self-castrated soldier driven mad by mercury poison.  Let’s talk about that motherfucker, right?  Okay then!

Boston Corbett:  The (Insane) Killer Of John Wilkes Booth

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The Teddy Roosevelt Assassination Attempt of 1912

“Oh, he’s still standing.  Welp, I’m dead.”

~John Flammang Schrank

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We don’t try to hide our infatuation towards Teddy Roosevelt here at America Fun Fact of the Day, and that has very little to do with the fact that great-great-grandsire Johnny Roosevelt is our editor-in-chief here.    We’ve extolled his American greatness here before, and the greatness of his children time and time again.  The man was badass, to put it bluntly, and we could write in depth AFFotD articles about hundreds of the things he did in his life.  But when we think of Teddy Roosevelt, there’s one story in particular which really shows that, as far as unbridled American badasses go, Roosevelt was the cream of the crop, a giant among giants, and the kind of person you most definitely would never want to fuck with.

This is the story about the time someone tried to fuck with Teddy Roosevelt.

The Teddy Roosevelt Assassination Attempt of 1912

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The Most Unfortunately Named Politicians To Ever Run For President

“Heh heh.  Cox.  I mean, Mr. Governer.”

~Presidential Debate Proctor, 1920

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As we’ve established time and time again, we’re not the best at math, but as far as we can tell, America has been a country for over 150 years, and has had more than 40 presidents.  43 presidents maybe?  45?  Either way, it’s less than 50.  And that means that anytime you have the chance to become the President of the Most Powerful Country In The World (pre-2008 division), your name will be in the history books, even if it’s just as a footnote.

The problem with being a part of history is that the first and, in some cases only, thing that we see in a history book is the name of the person.  Yes, we know that George Washington had fake teeth and liked to stand up on boats, but the first thing we register about him is his name.  George Washington.  A strong, authoritative name that screams “Presidential.”  Now not all of our Presidents were blessed with such a fitting name (looking at you, Herbert Hoover) but they at least managed to have names that didn’t actively get in the way of their political gains.

Which is why we’re here to focus on those whose name did get in the way.  The Presidential candidates that got their names on the ballots, failing to realize that maybe they should have changed their name before making the entire population read their name in the polling booth and suppress a giggle.  That’s why we present for you…

The Most Unfortunately Named Politicians To Ever Run For President

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