“Well, you know what they say about us Roosevelts. We have powers and we can destroy you with a thought.”
We at America Fun Fact of the Day have enjoyed bringing you our series on Teddy Roosevelt’s children, Teddy’s Tots. You’ve learned so far about Alice’s pet snake, Teddy Jr.’s storming of Normandy with a cane, Kermit’s desire to explore Indiana Jones settings, and Ethel’s humanitarianism. It’s safe to say that every Roosevelt child was able to be exceptional in his or her own special way. Which is why, before we address the impressive achievements of Archibald Roosevelt, the fifth of six Roosevelt children, we must protest the sorry state of his Wikipedia entry as of the writing of this fun fact.
We like our Americans like we like our women- strong, empowered, and easily looked up on Wikipedia (here’s looking at you, Barbara Bush). That’s why we shudder to think that the writer of Archibald Roosevelt’s early life section is either illiterate or, worse, foreign. Just look at this screen grab.
We mean, come on Wikipedia editors, this is a Roosevelt we’re talking about here. Listen, we’re no fans of grammar here, but we at least try to avoid sentances that make you feel like you’ve had a stroke when you read them out loud. Honestly, “Growing up Archie was very close to his brother Quentin and favorite of all times”? Do you mean to say that Archie was closer to his younger brother Quentin more than his other siblings? “But Ted Jr. for Ethel would tell their mother, Edith, and she would be in big trouble for that”? Uh…we can’t even piece that out. Do you understand? Our editor in chief is related to the person you are talking about in this article and even he doesn’t know what’s going on!
“As for his smartness, Archie was an avid reader and very smart at putting puzzles together pretty fast and such”? Okay now you’re just fucking with us, Wikipedia. Is this because we won’t listen to your founders “passionate plea” for donations for the third time in four years? You know what, we don’t want to dwell on this, it’ll just ruin our day, so why don’t we just cut right to the good stuff with this, part 5 of our 6 part Teddy’s Tots series…
Archibald Roosevelt’s Knee Fought For Freedom