Tag Archives: Strange America

The Worst Products Inspired By The Walking Dead

“Guys, guys, guys.  GUYS.  You gotta cool it.  Just, chill.”

~AMC’s Marketing Department

walking dead happy

If you’re an American with access to cable television (cough-or-know-a-good-streaming-site-cough) you’ve probably seen The Walking Dead, with your opinions ranging from “This is the best show to happen to American television” to “this show is a utter garbage” with your true feelings likely settling somewhere along the lines of, “I mean, it’s fine, everyone except for Daryl, Glenn, and Maggie kind of suck, but it’s cool to see zombies get smushed.”

But no matter your views on the show, it’s impact on American culture is hard to ignore.  This is a show that, when it airs, outperforms Sunday Night Football among 18- to 49-year-olds.  No matter how you slice it (puns!), when your show is more popular than primetime football (and that’s even before the whole, you know, “2014 was a bad year to be related to or romantically involved with a football player” messiness) that’s pretty impressive.

Which is why on one hand, we can understand why many people, companies, and businesses are falling over themselves to get a slice of that sweet, sweet Walking Dead publicity by creating tie-in promotions, or “Walking Dead influenced” products.   And, also not surprisingly, trying to find a way to go viral by emulating a show that follows of a bunch of chronically depressed southerners as they run away from murderous shambles of rotting flesh can lead to some pretty bad ideas.  And since the world is filled with the assholes who say, “Well, any press is good press” whenever they’re talking about a story of a Wal-Mart shoving their undocumented workers into a furnace to avoid a tax write-up (citation needed) no one has the sense to say, “No, guys.  Stop it.  This is a bad idea.  A bad idea.”

Here are some bad ideas inspired by The Walking Dead

The Worst Products Inspired By The Walking Dead

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America’s Hilariously Awful Infomercial Products

“THERE’S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY!”

~Every infomercial ever

sham wow beating up hookers

Of all the side effects of American consumerism, infomercials are by far one of the strangest to an outside observer.  Apart from selling generally pointless items that will just end up gathering dust in your kitchen, American infomercials themselves exist in a strange alternate universe where everyone has the mental acuity of Forrest Gump but none of the coordination. Everyday tasks are so impossible to the actors, and watching them try to, say, make a salad, is like watching Stephen Hawking try to run a 5K after having his mind swapped with Sean Penn from I Am Sam.

There was, of course, a brief period in 2008 where infomercials were the apex of culture.  The Snuggie had just started first-ironically-and-then-kind-of-unironically warming our households, Billy Mays had yet to snort enough cocaine to make his heart explode, and the Sham Wow guy was just an excitable guy with a lot of hair gel who, as far as we knew at the time, had absolutely no interest in beating up hookers.  It truly was a golden age.  But all of this was just a smokescreen, fooling us into thinking that infomercial products were worth our time for a reason other than pointing and laughing.

The fact of the matter is, for every Snuggie that people actually buy, there’s a magic poop wand that is only purchased by morbidly obese serial killers.  And each and every one of these products are hilarious in their ineptitude.  Since this is America, it seems only fitting that we put them on full display so we can make fun of them to make us feel better about the fact that half of our staff still watches TV on a bean bag.  Because no matter how low we get, we’ll never feel like buying the following products.

America’s Hilariously Awful Infomercial Products

 terrifying wig

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