“We’ve got established characters, set action pieces, and an iconic plot. How can we best fuck this up?”
For the longest time, the entertainment industry didn’t know what to do with super hero movies. With the exception of 1978’s Superman and the Tim Burton Batman films, comic book movies tended to be either bad, box office bombs, or both. Sure you had a Spiderman 2 here and an “let’s forget there was a third X-Men movie” there, you couldn’t find many great representations of comic books on the big screen. It’s hard to remember those days now that Marvel has come along and made comic book movies that pretty much print their own currency while D.C. um, well, you know, they try hard and we love them for it.
We bring this up because comic books had to exist for a long time before anyone figured out how to translate them to the silver screen with any modicum of success. And that’s where we are now with video games. Video games have been “things that exist” for only about forty or fifty years at this point, and we’re sad to report that America has yet to unlock how to make those games work as movies. It’s a little surprising, honestly—we have hundreds of popular video games that are basically movies that you play, yet we haven’t managed to turn that into compelling cinema.
Don’t believe us? Well fuck you, then. Wait, wait, sorry, that was maybe a bit defensive. But we’ll show you. Below we’ve listed every movie based off a comic book that’s been made in America, and listed them in reverse order of their critical score on the review aggregate site Rotten Tomatoes. And folks, it is…dire.
Every American Video Game Movie (Pretty Much Sucks)
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day, Miscellaneous America
Tagged Aaron Paul, Agent 47, Alone in the Dark, America, Angelina Jolie, Angry Birds, Angry Birds Movie, Angry Birds Movie 2, Assassin's Creed, BloodRayne, DC Comics, Dead or Alive, Detective Pikachu, DOA, Doom, Double Dragon, Dungeon Siege, Every Video Game Movie, Fassbender, Final Fantasy, Hitman, House of the Dead, In the Name of the King, Lara Croft, Legend of Chun-Li, Marvel, Max Payne, Milla Jovovich, Mortal Kombat, Mortal Kombat Annihilation, Mortal Kombat Movie, Need for Speed, Paul W.S. Anderson, Pokemon, Pokemon Detective Pikachu, Postal, Prince of Persia, Rampage, Ratchet & Clank, Raul Julia, Resident Evil, Resident Evil Afterlife, Resident Evil Apocalypse, Resident Evil Extinction, Resident Evil Franchise, Resident Evil Retribution, Robert Patrick, Silent Hill, Silent Hill Revelation, Street Fighter, Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Movie, Tekken, Tomb Raider, Uwe Boll, Video Game Movies, Video Games, Warcraft
“What the hell am I looking at?”
~Guests of Louis Tussaud’s Waxworks
Just about everyone has at least heard of Madame Tussauds—it’s pretty much the gold standard for wax sculptor museums in the world. The original location in London opened in 1835, but dozens of satellite museums have sprung up all over the world during the 180 years of its existence. Now just because something is famous doesn’t mean it’s “necessary.” If we’re being completely honest, wax sculpture museums are very creepy and uncanny valley even at their best.
Which brings us to Louis Tussaud, Marie Tussad’s great-grandson who took up the family business and…well, his legacy is less than exciting. The Louis Tussaud’s Waxwork Museum located in Grand Yarmouth, for example, was called the “world’s worst waxwork museum” before it closed in 2012. His other locations aren’t that much better. So, um, strap in we guess, because we looked through some of the offerings of the Niagara Falls location of Louis Tussaud’s Waxworks, and what we found…well it’s not great. It’s very not great.
The Most Terrifying Wax Statues at Louis Tussaud’s Niagara Falls Waxworks Museum
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day, Strange America
Tagged America, Angelina Jolie, Austin Powers, Beyonce, Creepy Wax Sculptures, Leonardo DiCaprio, Louis Tussaud Bad Wax, Louis Tussaud's, Louis Tussaud's Wax Works, Madame Tussauds, Michael Jackson, Tom Hanks, Wax Sculptures, Worst Wax Sculptures