Folks, we’ve had an afternoon. Our staff last week sat down and watched all the Oscar nominated films for the major categories. We then sat down and wrote 3,000 words about all of the Best Picture nominees, and who we think could and would win.
Then we had a party and something went wrong with our keg, or our inhibitions, because we woke up and it was just hours before the Academy Awards were set to begin. As of starting this, they will start in 70 minutes. We were able to get Best Actor/Supporting Actor and Best Actress/Supporting Actress predictions in under the wire, but we regret to inform you, there is no longer time for us to be thoughtful or even explain our guesses. Here are the rest of the categories. We’ll let you know if we have any particular thoughts, or haven’t seen a movie nominated.
The Oscars Start in an Hour. We’re Not Even Going to Have Images. Let’s Run Through the Other Awards.
LET’S GO GO GO
Martin McDonagh (“The Banshees of Inisherin”)
Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”)****
They’re gonna win
Steven Spielberg (“The Fabelmans”)
This might win, as a darkhorse.
Todd Field (“Tár”)
Ruben Östlund (“Triangle of Sadness”)
Best Adapted Screenplay
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Screenplay by Edward Berger, Lesley Paterson & Ian Stokell****
We’re putting our money here.
“Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery,” Written by Rian Johnson
We’d love for this to win. (It won’t)
“Living,” Written by Kazuo Ishiguro
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Screenplay by Ehren Kruger and Eric Warren Singer and Christopher McQuarrie; Story by Peter Craig and Justin Marks
“Women Talking,” Screenplay by Sarah Polley
This might be a dark horse winner.
Best Original Screenplay
“The Banshees of Inisherin,” Written by Martin McDonagh
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Written by Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert****
We’re seeing a big night for EEAAO.
“The Fabelmans,” Written by Steven Spielberg & Tony Kushner
This could get a win due to the whole Spielberg not winning an Oscar since the 90s thing.
“Tár,” Written by Todd Field
“Triangle of Sadness,” Written by Ruben Östlund
This movie is BONKERS by the way (see our linked Best Picture article at the top).
“All Quiet on the Western Front”, James Friend****
The cinematography here IS legit.
“Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths,” Darius Khondji
We haven’t seen this movie,
“Elvis,” Mandy Walker
“Empire of Light,” Roger Deakins
Also haven’t seen this.
“Tár,” Florian Hoffmeister
Best Documentary Feature Film
We have not seen any of these so we’re going to choose a winner based on name alone and move on.
“All That Breathes,” Shaunak Sen, Aman Mann and Teddy Leifer
“All the Beauty and the Bloodshed,” Laura Poitras, Howard Gertler, John Lyons, Nan Goldin and Yoni Golijov
“Fire of Love,” Sara Dosa, Shane Boris and Ina Fichman
“A House Made of Splinters,” Simon Lereng Wilmont and Monica Hellström
“Navalny,” Daniel Roher, Odessa Rae, Diane Becker, Melanie Miller and Shane Boris****
Sure? (in case you haven’t figured out yet, the **** is our way of saying it’s our pick to win).
Best Documentary Short Film
Again, we watched none of these, so going off of name.
“The Elephant Whisperers,” Kartiki Gonsalves and Guneet Monga
“Haulout,” Evgenia Arbugaeva and Maxim Arbugaev
“How Do You Measure a Year?” Jay Rosenblatt****
“The Martha Mitchell Effect,” Anne Alvergue and Beth Levison
“Stranger at the Gate,” Joshua Seftel and Conall Jones
Best Film Editing
“The Banshees of Inisherin,” Mikkel E.G. Nielsen
“Elvis,” Matt Villa and Jonathan Redmond****
They’re gonna throw Elvis a bone? Maybe here?
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Paul Rogers
We think this should win but we’re not seeing this being a sweep for the movie.
“Tár,” Monika Willi
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Eddie Hamilton
Best International Feature Film
“All Quiet on the Western Front” (Germany) ****
Obvious winner, even though we’ve not seen any of the films below.
“Argentina, 1985” (Argentina)
“The Quiet Girl” (Ireland)
Best Original Song
“Applause” from “Tell It Like a Woman,” Music and Lyric by Diane Warren
Haven’t seen the movie or heard the song.
“Hold My Hand” from “Top Gun: Maverick,” Music and Lyric by Lady Gaga and BloodPop
We think this is most likely to win, but we’re going rogue with our guess here.
“Lift Me Up” from “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” Music by Tems, Rihanna, Ryan Coogler and Ludwig Goransson; Lyric by Tems and Ryan Coogler
This could win.
“Naatu Naatu” from “RRR,” Music by M.M. Keeravaani; Lyric by Chandrabose****
This should have been nominated for the foreign language category, so we can see this being a consolation prize.
“This Is a Life” from “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Music by Ryan Lott, David Byrne and Mitski; Lyric by Ryan Lott and David Byrne
Best Production Design
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Production Design: Christian M. Goldbeck; Set Decoration: Ernestine Hipper
“Avatar: The Way of Water,” Production Design: Dylan Cole and Ben Procter; Set Decoration: Vanessa Cole****
It’ll be either this or All Quiet
“Babylon,” Production Design: Florencia Martin; Set Decoration: Anthony Carlino
“Elvis,” Production Design: Catherine Martin and Karen Murphy; Set Decoration: Bev Dunn
“The Fabelmans,” Production Design: Rick Carter; Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara
Best Visual Effects
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Frank Petzold, Viktor Müller, Markus Frank and Kamil Jafar
“Avatar: The Way of Water,” Joe Letteri, Richard Baneham, Eric Saindon and Daniel Barrett****
This seems like a slam dunk?
“The Batman,” Dan Lemmon, Russell Earl, Anders Langlands and Dominic Tuohy
“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” Geoffrey Baumann, Craig Hammack, R. Christopher White and Dan Sudick
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Ryan Tudhope, Seth Hill, Bryan Litson and Scott R. Fisher
Best Animated Feature Film
“Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio,” Guillermo del Toro, Mark Gustafson, Gary Ungar and Alex Bulkley****
This movie is legitimately a well-made instance of nightmare fuel.
“Marcel the Shell With Shoes On,” Dean Fleischer Camp, Elisabeth Holm, Andrew Goldman, Caroline Kaplan and Paul Mezey
We want this to win so badly, But it won’t.
“Puss in Boots: The Last Wish,” Joel Crawford and Mark Swift
Haven’t seen it. We’re okay with it.
“The Sea Beast,” Chris Williams and Jed Schlanger
Never heard of it.
“Turning Red,” Domee Shi and Lindsey Collins
Best Animated Short Film
We saw none of these. Going off names again.
“The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse,” Charlie Mackesy and Matthew Freud
“The Flying Sailor,” Amanda Forbis and Wendy Tilby
“Ice Merchants,” João Gonzalez and Bruno Caetano
“My Year of Dicks,” Sara Gunnarsdóttir and Pamela Ribon****
Like we said, we’re going by what name should win.
“An Ostrich Told Me the World Is Fake and I Think I Believe It,” Lachlan Pendragon
This is a close second.
Best Costume Design
“Babylon,” Mary Zophres
“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” Ruth Carter****
“Elvis,” Catherine Martin
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Shirley Kurata
“Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris,” Jenny Beavan
We haven’t seen this (but yeah, Black Panther is an easy pick here).
Best Live Action Short
None seen, name only.
“An Irish Goodbye,” Tom Berkeley and Ross White
“Ivalu,” Anders Walter and Rebecca Pruzan
“Le Pupille,” Alice Rohrwacher and Alfonso Cuarón
“Night Ride,” Eirik Tveiten and Gaute Lid Larssen****
It reminds us of Night Train, a brand of bum-wine. So it gets our vote.
“The Red Suitcase,” Cyrus Neshvad
Best Makeup and Hairstyling
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Heike Merker and Linda Eisenhamerová
“The Batman,” Naomi Donne, Mike Marino and Mike Fontaine
This could make a case to win.
“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” Camille Friend and Joel Harlow
“Elvis,” Mark Coulier, Jason Baird and Aldo Signoretti
“The Whale,” Adrien Morot, Judy Chin and Anne Marie Bradley****
Fat suit trumps all.
Best Original Score
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Volker Bertelmann
“Babylon,” Justin Hurwitz
“The Banshees of Inisherin,” Carter Burwell
“Everything Everywhere All at Once,” Son Lux****
This is a dart toss. We have no idea where this category will land.
“The Fabelmans,” John Williams
“All Quiet on the Western Front,” Viktor Prášil, Frank Kruse, Markus Stemler, Lars Ginzel and Stefan Korte
“Avatar: The Way of Water,” Julian Howarth, Gwendolyn Yates Whittle, Dick Bernstein, Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers and Michael Hedges****
Avatar is likely going to mop up on these kinds of categories. That or Top Gun.
“The Batman,” Stuart Wilson, William Files, Douglas Murray and Andy Nelson
“Elvis,” David Lee, Wayne Pashley, Andy Nelson and Michael Keller
“Top Gun: Maverick,” Mark Weingarten, James H. Mather, Al Nelson, Chris Burdon and Mark Taylor
And now the Oscars are in 30 minutes. WE MADE IT FOLKS!
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