Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#90-81—Not Bad, But Not Good, Just Kind of Sleezy)

“What’s wrong with having a hooker as a First Lady?”

~You, the Reader

potus

Do you know that we have to write fifteen different ways to introduce this series of articles that, if anything, will later be used as evidence for our staff’s eventual Obsessive Compulsion Disorder diagnosis. We dug up all 142 fictional Presidents who have ever made an appearance in a film, and if that wasn’t already exhausting for everyone involved, we decided to rank those Presidents and spread the whole thing out into 15 different articles. You can see all the others by clicking the various links in this paragraph, and no, they’re not in order, because this process has driven us insane. Okay, all caught up? No? Too fucking bad, here are more Presidents.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#90-81—Not Bad, But Not Good, Just Kind of Sleezy)

Continue reading

Advertisements

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#100-91—A Lot of Dummies)

“If you make the President really dumb, that’s, like, a political statement, right?”

~Film Producers

presidential seal

So far in our aggressively inclusive list of American Fictional Presidents, we’ve had a lot of Presidents who were bad for a variety of reasons. Some let a bunch of nukes fly, some literally ended the world, one was a goddamn werewolf, but all of them were bad or irresponsible in their own way. Not much is going to change with this lot, though the next ten fake Presidents will at least, by and large, manage to avoid blowing up the whole damn place. Anyway, here are more Presidents from movies we arbitrarily decided to rank.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#100-91—A Lot of Dummies)

Continue reading

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#110-101—The Disaster Presidents)

“Honestly, we elected a guy who looks like Kevin Pollak as President. We should have seen this coming.”

~The American People in the Film Deterrence

potus

Just like time marches on with a stubbornness that cannot be defeated, so to we must continue our bold and silly experiment to rank every single fictional President who has appeared in a major motion picture throughout the history of cinema. Today’s entry has a lot of Presidents who you would still not want to see leading your country. For example, you might not have a lot of confidence in, say, the guy who thought that Greg Brady from The Brady Bunch should be his Vice President, or the President who actually is Alan Alda. But why don’t we go ahead and just start this section with the guy who nuked Baghdad.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#110-101—The Disaster Presidents)

Continue reading

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#120-111—Mostly Inept and Irresponsible Presidents)

“Wait, but I thought Morgan Freeman was a GOOD President in Deep Impact.”

~You, Encountering the First Listing You Might Disagree With

presidential seal

What makes a good President? Well, ideally you want someone who can help usher peace and prosperity for all Americans. Or, if things go wrong, you want a President who can take charge and guide America through its trials and tribulations with the nation coming out stronger on the other side. Now, how exactly a President can pull off these feats is almost impossible to answer, and every President tries to figure it out in their own way. But it definitely helps if the President is not an imposter working for COBRA in the G.I. Joe universe.

That’s right, we’re back to our ranking of every fictional President to appear in a movie. All 142 of them. We’re still in the “bad President” part of the list, if that COBRA thing wasn’t enough of a clue for you.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#120-111—Mostly Inept and Irresponsible Presidents)

Continue reading

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#130-121—Historically Bad Presidents)

“I’m so mad I’m literally shaking.”

AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt Upon the Discovery of the Knock-Off Film Independents’ Day

potus

In going through every single movie President we could find, we’ve definitely encountered a lot of shitty movies as well as a lot of shitty Presidents. Like, who would have thought that they made a movie in the 1930s where the “hero” President is basically Mussolini? Well we’re continuing in our crazy ranking of all the fictional Presidents in film history, because we’re crazy people. You might wonder, is this list really definitive? Yes, yes it is. You might follow up by asking, isn’t what makes one fake President better or worse than the other the definition of a subjective list? No, we are infallible with our assessments here.

Anyway, here are some more bad Presidents, each one slightly less bad than their predecessor.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#130-121—Historically Bad Presidents)

Continue reading

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#140-131—The Truly Terrible [and Sometimes Evil] Presidents)

“What do you mean an actual werewolf was only the 12th worst President depicted in film?”

~AFFotD’s “Fact” Checker

 presidential seal

When one of our staff members got lunch drunk (it’s like regular drunk, only it’s immediately followed by a nap) and proposed that we try to rank all the fictional Presidents that have appeared in cinematic history we thought, sure, that could be fun for everyone.

We didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into. There are so many movies that have Presidents, you guys. We’ve already gone over nearly twenty movies that just barely didn’t make the list for one reason or another, and definitively determined that the worst Presidents in film history were responsible for nuking New York, and causing Doomsday, in that order (New York was worse because the President himself pulled the trigger. Or…pushed the button? Turned the key? Whatever one does with nukes).

But we’ve made our bed, and might as well see this thing through to the bitter end. Here are ten more fictional Presidents who you’d definitely not consider re-electing.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#140-131—The Truly Terrible [and Sometimes Evil] Presidents)

Continue reading

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (Honorable Mentions and #142-141—Our Two Worst Presidents)

“So, if I’m not in a comedy, I’m either corrupt or kidnapped?”

~Every Fictional Movie President

potus

If you were to list all the film released over the course of cinematic history, you’d find that every single truly great movie takes place in America with the exception of Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, Apocalypse Now, and that one part in The Godfather in Sicily that everyone usually forgets about. We are noted film historians, so you’ll have to trust us on this. And with all these American movies, you’d assume that a lot of them have Presidents. And you’d be correct.

Our history is obsessed with looking back on our nation’s past Presidents and trying to rank them, from best to worst. Nixon was a bad President. Lincoln was a great President. Obama was *the world collapses under the immense strain of the arguments occurring in the comments section of this article.* Well, if we can try to rank real Presidents (which, oh God, we will not be doing on this site, we had people giving us shit about movies we gave fake Oscars to, could you imagine us getting into partisan shit?) why can’t we rank fictional Presidents? Well we can.

And we did.

We looked high and low for every fictional President who has appeared in a film. And once we excluded all fictional representations of real Presidents, as well as all the Presidents who appear in a film in name only, and are never seen on camera, we ended up with a list of 142 (why do we do this to ourselves) fake leaders of the fake free world. We’ve split that into, oh, 15 articles, because we’re taking ad revenue now, and we’re going to be completely transparent that while reading this in a small handful of articles is a lot more manageable for you, the reader, it’s also a lot more profitable to us to, the greedy Capitalists, to stretch this out every business day for the next three weeks.

So strap the fuck in. Because this article is filled with the worst Presidents ever.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (Honorable Mentions and #142-141—The Bottom Two Presidents)

Continue reading

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 6: The 70s Were Really Weird)

“Let’s be honest, we’re still figuring what this show is, it doesn’t matter who hosts.”

~Lorne Michaels in the 70s

snl

For the past three weeks we’ve been flooding this site with a lot of obscure people who have hosted Saturday Night Live. We covered the eternal soul-crushing scream that was SNL in the 80s, we’ve talked about hosting decisions that aged poorly, as well as athletes and politicians. But we’ve left out one crucial decade (well, with the exception of Ralph Nader’s entry in the last article). And that would be the 70s. The show was really figuring things out in their first seasons, and that was doubly true for the people they got to host.

Unlike the 80s, where SNL was actively failing and had to reach out for whatever host they could get, the 70s tended to pick hosts that were either established comedians, or people that almost felt like they were chosen as part of a gag. It led to a deeply weird half-decade of casting choices, and feels like a natural point to end our series. So, without further ado, we present…

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 6: The 70s Were Really Weird)

Continue reading

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 5: Stop Letting Politicians Host)

“Don’t worry, I’m not looking forward to me hosting, either.”

~Ralph Nader

snl

For the past few weeks, we’ve been talking about Saturday Night Live, as you, our loyal readers who grace these pages to learn about people with silly names and weird burritos, have collectively wondered, “Why?” We…we don’t know. There’s a sort of historical significance to who hosts Saturday Night Live, we guess. Each season’s rosters of hosts are a miniature time capsule of where America was as a culture in that given year. Sometimes that leads to hosts that were famous for like a hot second in the 00s, sometimes it leads to relevant-at-the-time sports figures, and sometimes the 1980s happen and we have to come to terms with that. And sometimes they go with a specific type of famous figure that accounts for by far the strangest category of performer that SNL trots out with any regularity. The humble (hah) politician. SNL has a lot of politicians host, and it’s always weird and awkward. Which seems like a good enough reason to include them in our list of random SNL hosts. So here you go.

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 5: Stop Letting Politicians Host)

Continue reading

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 4: Sports Hosts)

“If I’m good at sports, I must be good at nuanced comedic timing on a live national stage, right?”

~Most Professional Athletes to Their Agents

snl (2)

Last week, we went through the literally hundreds of hosts who have graced the stages of Saturday Night Live over the past forty-plus years. And in our searching, we’ve found that…a lot of the hosts are random as hell. As in, there are a lot of people who can go up to you at a party and say, “I hosted SNL once,” to whom you’d reply, “Oh shut up, stop lying to get attention, Francis Ford Coppola.” And while we’ve covered the 80s, and the decisions that aged…not so great, there’s a complete category of performer we’ve failed to mention. They host SNL all the time, are almost never good at it, and have really no business being in comedy. We’re talking, of course, about professional athletes.

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 4: Sports Hosts)

Continue reading