AFFotD’s 2023 Oscar Guide – All the Other Categories That Aren’t Best Picture or an Acting Category

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Folks, we’ve had an afternoon. Our staff last week sat down and watched all the Oscar nominated films for the major categories. We then sat down and wrote 3,000 words about all of the Best Picture nominees, and who we think could and would win.

Then we had a party and something went wrong with our keg, or our inhibitions, because we woke up and it was just hours before the Academy Awards were set to begin. As of starting this, they will start in 70 minutes. We were able to get Best Actor/Supporting Actor and Best Actress/Supporting Actress predictions in under the wire, but we regret to inform you, there is no longer time for us to be thoughtful or even explain our guesses. Here are the rest of the categories. We’ll let you know if we have any particular thoughts, or haven’t seen a movie nominated.

The Oscars Start in an Hour. We’re Not Even Going to Have Images. Let’s Run Through the Other Awards.

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AFFotD’s 2023 Oscar Guide – Best Actress/Supporting Actress

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Hey, hi, how are you. We’ve meticulously written a rundown of all the Best Picture of the Oscar nominations, which as we start writing this will be airing in two and a half hours, and we spent the last hour doing a rundown of the male acting categories. So let’s not waste time. WE GOT DEADLINES.

Our Predictions for Best Actress and Supporting Actress for the Oscars Happening in 180 Minutes

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AFFotD’s 2023 Oscar Guide – Best Actor/Supporting Actor

“Shit, we forgot to put quotes on the last one of these. WAIT THE OSCARS ARE TODAY?”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt

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We posted our rundown of all the Best Picture nominees to illustrate that we’re masochists who have watched all the Oscar nominees for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor and Best Supporting Actress. We then were planning on posting our rundown, and predictions, for all the other awards in three additional articles. Then we got lazy (read as, drunk) and forgot.

But the awards are in four hours so we still have time to either come off as Award geniuses, or Award FOOLS. So let’s get started with the male acting awards.

AFFotD Predicts Best Actor and Supporting Actor Right Before The Oscars

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AFFotD’s 2023 Oscar Guide – Best Picture

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As you no doubt know, the staff here at America Fun Fact of the Day are certified sickos. We also are weirdly obsessed with the Academy Awards. It’s an illness we can’t explain. As a result, our entire staff sat down and watched every single movie nominated for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Supporting Actress, as well as a handful of wildcard nominations.

We don’t necessarily recommend this. We saw about 20 Academy Award nominees, which by a rough estimate means we spent 50 hours watching movies that are trying to be prestigious (also Top Gun and Avatar).

Families were abandoned. Funerals were skipped. Hot Pockets were consumed en masse. But we did all this so that you can hear our arbitrary opinion of each nomination, and our predictions going into Sunday’s ceremony.

So sit back, and probably get ready to be mad at some of our rankings.

AFFotD’s 2023 Oscar Preview – Best Picture

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Please Enjoy This Real-Time Review of Our Staff Watching a Movie Called “Don’t F*** in the Woods 2”

“We haven’t written an article in a while. And the people that are upset about that fact will not be placated by this. But fuck it, publish it.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt

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Listen. We’ve written over 900 articles here at America Fun Fact of the Day. They’ve ranged from “oh shit you spent a lot of time and probably sacrificed some mental health to comprehensively write about the early days of COVID” to, like, “lol those M&Ms is stoopid.”

This will be a unique article. Not a good one, mind you. Consider yourself forewarned. If this is the first AFFotD article you’ve ever read, may we suggest you begin with our “World’s Saddest Cuisines” feature.

But the point is, we’ve not posted here for a while, and that’s largely due to a lawsuit we have with a specific European nation (fuck off Liechtenstein) and also our laziness.

But you are now witnessing the first ever live-post AFFotD has ever done.

There is no editing. This is all real time. The time-stamp on this article has not been altered, and so you already should know the level of quality this article will be. They can’t all be winners. But when it’s midnight, the start of New Year’s Eve, and you discover that in 2022 there was a low-budget horror film called Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2, well, if you work at AFFotD, you are legally obligated to watch it and write a beat-by-beat review of it as you are watching it. The film has no nuance, nor should we.

SO LET’S GET AFTER IT. Let’s talk about a sequel to a 2016 movie that we also didn’t see that we know must be bad. Strap the fuck in (but don’t fuck in the woods, we guess).

Apparently You Should Not Fuck in the Woods, According to Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2

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Hi, Hello, We’ve Not Posted For a While But Apparently the Bitcoin People Are Making Fortune Cookies Now So Hello Again

“Fortune…cookies favor the brave, wait, no, that isn’t the reason for this is it? Jesus Christ, is this my fault? IS THIS MY FAULT?”

~Matt Damon

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Hey! It’s been a while since you’ve heard from us, mostly because we’ve been active in the popular current hobby of learning how to hug our knees and rock back-and-forth instead of reliving recent traumas.

Normally, you’d expect us to break a long silence because we discovered a comic book about a esports team, or found out about the discontinuation of the Choco Taco (DAMN YOU UNILEVER!) But instead, we are here to talk about two things that could not be farther apart. Or so we thought.

Fortune cookies.

And fucking Cryptocurrency.

Strap the fuck in, loyal readers, it’s CURSIN’ TIME. FUCK!

Crypto Is Advertising Itself on Fortune Cookies and Maybe the World Has Finally Broken?

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And Now… Our Staff of Millennials Make Fun of FaZe Clan in an Article That Will Make Us Look Very Old

“Haha holy shit, this is the lamest thing I’ve ever seen. How much money do they bring in? Hundreds of millions of dollars? Well fuck, I quit.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt

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Right off the bat. A disclaimer. Our staff is comprised mostly of Millennials, who are increasingly becoming “the olds”, except for our editor-in-chief, the great-great grandson of Teddy Roosevelt who is actually legitimately old. Every week we have to tell him “no” in response to his demand we write about the best brands of prune juice. That is the only reason we have not written an article in two and a half months, and that’s canon.

Then we saw an article by our friends* at 1900HOTDOG about a recent Batman comic that teamed up with a very popular esports team, and is even worse than that sentence would lead you to believe, and that led us looking into said esports team’s roster, which led to us getting article drunk to write an article that is guaranteed to be either completely ignored or ANGRILY responded to by a lot of 23-year-olds alternating between aggressive slurs or slang we don’t understand in the comments section.

*we use “friends”for 1900HOTDOG as an aspirational term as they are more likely to dunk on our articles in savage fashion than actually become our friends, and we’d gladly welcome that

So here we are, a bunch of close-to-middle-age folks, getting ready to dunk on the youths. Based on our understanding of how Gen-Z responds to older generations in a way that will totally not bite them in the ass the way it did us, we’re sure the discourse here will be civil. Anyway.

Today We Learned About FaZe Clan, and Today We Wrote an Article Making Fun of Them

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Movies That Should Never Have Been Nominated for a Razzie

“Honestly, if you’ve never even once said the name Neil Breen out loud, your opinions on bad movies are null and void.”

~AFFotD’s Film Critic

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In 1981, the first Golden Raspberry Award ceremony was held in the living room of John J. B. Wilson, a co-founder of the award who also has too many periods in his name. Initially an inside joke with his film industry friends, it has since gone on to gain notoriety as a sort of “anti-Oscar”, crowning the worst performances or achievements in Hollywood each year. 

It’s an antidote to the typical award-season sycophancy that happens at the start of each year, a way to punch up and call out the rich, famous and beautiful for their poor, lazy, or disinterested decisions. 

That can include a notorious shitposter and video game adapter like Uwe Boll, or Oscar winners like Halle Berry and Sandra Bullock (both of whom are among the few to give their own acceptance speeches). 

In 2022, the “punching upwards” to poke fun at the rich and famous that attracted many to the award increasingly feels like it’s merely punching parallel. The film industry is struggling, going to the theaters is still a potentially risky venture, and we’re starved for any and all content we can get right now. Talking about how “stupid” or “pointless” a movie that employeed literally hundreds of people during an economically unsure time seems a bit tone-deaf in this current cultural environment. 

What we’re trying to say is, maybe the Golden Rasberry Award, a.k.a. the Razzies, need to re-think how they direct their snark. Listen, we know, our whole thing is snark. We literally wrote over a thousand words trying to dunk on a shitty pizza chain that emailed us some swear words one time. We had friends that asked us why we would even bother! They were like, “So instead of ignoring the emails, you responded back to take screenshots and dunk on them? What is wrong with you!?” And we justified it, because making fun of these people is good content. They started it, anyway! Fuck em! Ah, it was a much simpler time. 

That said, the Razzies just listed their 2021 nominations, and we realized it showed the same short-sighted, and occasionally elitist, attitude that the awards have always had. Six-time Oscar-nominee Amy Adams was nominated twice, for Dear Evan Hansen and The Woman in the Window, the former you remember because of its use of a 28-year-old playing a 16-year-old (or whatever, high school age. Don’t fact check us, we could not give a shit), and the latter being um, a movie that we guess we heard about once? It’s based on a book right?

What we’re saying is, Amy Adams should be part of a Leonardo DiCaprio conversation of “when is she gonna win her Oscar.” Not a sudden two-time Razzie nominee. We don’t need our national treasure, star of Arrival and Talladega Nights, slighted like this during a pandemic.

Ben Affleck was also nominated for The Last Duel, a film for which he’s received multiple accolades and was, at its very worst, a well-made movie that was too long and had like, way too much rape in it? The most generous reason we can think of for Affleck’s nomination here was that he had a bad wig. The most likely reason? He’s dating J-Lo again, and the Razzies think she can do better.  

So what’s our point here? The Razzies are full of gossipy bitches that can’t find their own drama.

They also have historically proven to be somewhat cringey, planting their “this is a bad movie” take in movies that turned out to be great. Basically, the Razzies need to take a step back and reassess how they view movies. Because all of the following films are actual Razzie-nominated features that, we think, showed the Razzies going TOO FAR.

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The Definitive Ranking of Every Ted Lasso Character (Season 2)

 “Be Curious. Not Judgmental.”

~Ted Lasso

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Back in April, when we wrote about our favorite show of the yearTed Lasso, it was, just like the Richmond Greyhounds, a bit of an underdog. It was the show everyone was being told about, but hadn’t seen yet (because honestly, who has an Apple TV subscription?) 

Specifically, we took all 62 characters that appeared in the first season, and ranked them, from worst to best. If you have any doubts about our knowledge on this topic, every single character in the top seven of our list ended up being nominated for an Emmy for Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, or Best Supporting Actress. So we basically nailed it.

Since then, it’s won seven Emmys, including best Actor (Jason Sudeikis as Ted Lasso), Best Supporting Actor (Brent Goldstein as Roy Kent), Best Supporting Actress (Hannah Waddingham as Rebecca Welton) and Best Comedy. It’s also brought on the dreaded discourse. Because nothing gold can stay.

But just because the second season of Ted Lasso was messy and complicated, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a delight, and not something worth revisiting. Until, it turns out, we decided to expand our “ranking the characters in Ted Lasso” article after the first season, which had 62 characters, and realized, holy shit, there are a lot more characters in season two!

This article is over 10,000 words long! And we know you won’t read it, you’ll skim through until you see where Nate is (MUCH lower than season one) and where Roy is (slightly higher than season one) and then will just cherry pick for your favorites. And that’s fine. Anyway, we put way too much time into this silly article. Enjoy!

Every Ted Lasso Character, Ranked (After Season 2)

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How Many Academy Award Nominations SHOULD Tom Hanks Have?

“I have more Academy Award nominations than Tom Hanks? That…that can’t be right.”

~Bradley Cooper

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As a nation, Americans don’t agree on much. We know that pizza is good, traffic jams are bad, and Jack Black is either the greatest gift we could ever ask for or a complete scourge from hell and there is no middle ground there. Seriously, it’s impossible to have a neutral opinion on Jack Black. 

But one immutable fact that all Americans can share is simple—Tom Hanks is America’s dad, and we love him fiercely. 

When Hanks first appeared on the small screen as *check notes* a young ad man who had to dress as a woman to live in an affordable girls-only apartment (lol, wait, really?) you might be forgiven for not immediately assuming that the then-24-year-old would go on to become a full-stop national icon and one of the greatest actors of all time, but here we are. 

Ever since his big screen breakthrough in 1984’s Splash, however, Hanks has gone on to become the fourth-highest-grossing actor of all time, and one of the more critically praised as well. Along with Spencer Tracy, Tom Hanks is one of two actors ever to win the Academy Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role in consecutive years. 

But despite appearing in numerous Golden Globe- and Academy Award-nominated films in the past several decades, Hanks randomly went 19 years between Oscar nominations, until his work in 2019’s A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood was nominated. 

That got us thinking. Tom Hanks, arguably the greatest actor of his generation, has been nominated for a total of six Academy Awards in his career. That’s a lot, but given Hanks’ stature, you’d assume he’d have more, right? Hell, Bradley Cooper has eight nominations (though some of those are for producing, and he got a screenplay nod for A Star is Born).

So join us in a journey through Tom Hanks’ storied career as we determine—

How Many Total Oscar Nominations Should Tom Hanks Really Have

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