Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#54-31—Doomed Heroes and General Good Guys)

“Apparently you don’t get dinged for having the world end on your watch if you die in the movie.”

~Danny Glover in 2012

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Are you tired of these intros yet? We’re kind of tired of these intros. This series has been going on every day for the past two and a half weeks, which is a lot. You’ve been like, “Where’s our AFFotD about beer? Or like, beer that’s made with chocolate? Or like, ‘Man, snickers are crazy, are there any weird flavors of snickers?’”

But instead you’ve had to go through just, list after list of President who has never even existed. We understand your pain, but we’re too far along to stop now. HERE ARE MORE PRESIDENTS! NONE OF THEM HAD ANY IMPACT ON HISTORY!

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#54-31—Doomed Heroes and General Good Guys)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#50-41—Strong During a Crisis)

“…You mean we have to watch Geostorm for this article?”

~AFFotD Staffers

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Welcome to a series of articles with so many entries that we’re not even bothering to count them. This is, what, the tenth one of these? That sounds right, ballpark at least? Anyway, we decided (thanks, Jack Daniels and a surprise divorce) that we should find every single fictional president who has been portrayed in a movie, and decide which one of those was the best at presidenting. And THEN we decided we should arbitrarily rank each president against each other, for reasons that don’t sound quite as compelling now that we’ve sobered up. So if this is the first article in this series you’ve come across because you Googled “Gregory Peck President” then, well, we honestly don’t know if you are our prime demographic or not. Just keep in mind that all these fancy links at the beginning of this paragraphs link to previous entries to our latest series in which we, and maybe you already know where we’re going with this, because we literally just said it, rank every fictional movie President arbitrarily. We’re now getting to our better fake Presidents, the ones who stand tall and stay strong, no matter how much things fall apart around them.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#50-41—Strong During a Crisis)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#60-51—Presidential Dads! And Others!)

“Oh, did you include that movie First Kid

~Literally everyone’s first question when they heard about this series of articles

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Get excited, folks. We’re finally at the point in our listing of every fictional President where we can talk about the classic Sinbad film, First Kid. It’s moments like these that really make everything worthwhile. If you don’t know or care about First Kid, well tough shit, this isn’t about you. It’s about Presidents. Specifically, fictional Presidents from movies that we decided to exhaustively rank for some reason we no longer remember. Were we drunk? Sorry, silly question, we meant to ask if we were absinthe drunk. Because this whole article series feels like it would have wormwood to blame.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#60-51—Presidential Dads! And Others!)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#70-61—Presidents Dealing With Conspiracies)

“I really don’t know why evil organizations want to kick me out of office…”

~The President in Like, 20 Different Movies

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We’re still smack dab in the mediocre President territory in our weird, pointless article series ranking every single fictional President. But now we are in the part of our list where just about every President finds himself amidst convoluted conspiracies, coups, and good old fashioned assassination attempts. Listen, being a movie President is not an easy job, and these guy handled themselves just fine, given the circumstances. And for those of you getting antsy at the movies you don’t really care about on the list so far, don’t worry. Our next article has First Kid!

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#70-61—Presidents Dealing With Conspiracies)  

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#80-71—Aggressively Neutral Presidents)

“Okay so this is the article I’m basically going to skim over in like 45 seconds? Gotcha.”

~You, the Reader

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While trying to rank every single President who has appeared in a film throughout the history of modern cinema, we’ve inelegantly lumped the Presidents into categories. They almost never worked. Our Disaster Presidents only included four or so Presidents who faced disasters, and our sleezy Presidents only had a few sketchy entries, and we’ve had a lot of really bad fake Presidents. But this article is going to be the most accurate. These are all Presidents who are fine. You won’t walk away with strong feelings about their role as a leader, one way or the other. We know, we can just feel your excitement.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#80-71—Aggressively Neutral Presidents)

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Gotti Is Undertaking the Most Insane Ad Campaign We’ve Ever Seen, and It’s Even Crazier Than You’ve Heard

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We now take a break from our non-stop “writing about fictional Presidents” coverage for some breaking, dare we say, topical news. We normally don’t write about things “as they happen” because we’ve had to “cut back on staff when bourbon prices started going up” and “prefer to spend our Tuesdays day drinking” but this story caught our eye, and we had to weigh in.

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#90-81—Not Bad, But Not Good, Just Kind of Sleezy)

“What’s wrong with having a hooker as a First Lady?”

~You, the Reader

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Do you know that we have to write fifteen different ways to introduce this series of articles that, if anything, will later be used as evidence for our staff’s eventual Obsessive Compulsion Disorder diagnosis. We dug up all 142 fictional Presidents who have ever made an appearance in a film, and if that wasn’t already exhausting for everyone involved, we decided to rank those Presidents and spread the whole thing out into 15 different articles. You can see all the others by clicking the various links in this paragraph, and no, they’re not in order, because this process has driven us insane. Okay, all caught up? No? Too fucking bad, here are more Presidents.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#90-81—Not Bad, But Not Good, Just Kind of Sleezy)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#100-91—A Lot of Dummies)

“If you make the President really dumb, that’s, like, a political statement, right?”

~Film Producers

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So far in our aggressively inclusive list of American Fictional Presidents, we’ve had a lot of Presidents who were bad for a variety of reasons. Some let a bunch of nukes fly, some literally ended the world, one was a goddamn werewolf, but all of them were bad or irresponsible in their own way. Not much is going to change with this lot, though the next ten fake Presidents will at least, by and large, manage to avoid blowing up the whole damn place. Anyway, here are more Presidents from movies we arbitrarily decided to rank.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#100-91—A Lot of Dummies)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#110-101—The Disaster Presidents)

“Honestly, we elected a guy who looks like Kevin Pollak as President. We should have seen this coming.”

~The American People in the Film Deterrence

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Just like time marches on with a stubbornness that cannot be defeated, so to we must continue our bold and silly experiment to rank every single fictional President who has appeared in a major motion picture throughout the history of cinema. Today’s entry has a lot of Presidents who you would still not want to see leading your country. For example, you might not have a lot of confidence in, say, the guy who thought that Greg Brady from The Brady Bunch should be his Vice President, or the President who actually is Alan Alda. But why don’t we go ahead and just start this section with the guy who nuked Baghdad.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#110-101—The Disaster Presidents)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#120-111—Mostly Inept and Irresponsible Presidents)

“Wait, but I thought Morgan Freeman was a GOOD President in Deep Impact.”

~You, Encountering the First Listing You Might Disagree With

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What makes a good President? Well, ideally you want someone who can help usher peace and prosperity for all Americans. Or, if things go wrong, you want a President who can take charge and guide America through its trials and tribulations with the nation coming out stronger on the other side. Now, how exactly a President can pull off these feats is almost impossible to answer, and every President tries to figure it out in their own way. But it definitely helps if the President is not an imposter working for COBRA in the G.I. Joe universe.

That’s right, we’re back to our ranking of every fictional President to appear in a movie. All 142 of them. We’re still in the “bad President” part of the list, if that COBRA thing wasn’t enough of a clue for you.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#120-111—Mostly Inept and Irresponsible Presidents)

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