Tag Archives: Double Down

The State of Our Union: KFC

“Listen, KFC, we need to talk.  You guys might need to…start cooling your shit.”

~Concerned Americans


We as a society have an incredibly short memory when it comes to change.  We freak the fuck out whenever Facebook alters it’s news feed only to completely forget about our reaction the next time they change the layout and we again, collectively, lose our shit.  That ability to accept the occasional big change while glossing over the small ones is completely natural, but it does mean that every so often we need to take a step back and look to see if we’ve gone too far.  Similarly to how you can watch eight seasons of a TV show and not realize how much the actors have aged until you revisit the first episode, we might not realize how far off the rails some of our favorite American establishments have gone until we take a step back and compare it to Japan.

Which brings us to our inaugural edition of our latest running article—The State of Our Union.  We will take an iconic American establishment and look at it with fresh, new eyes, to put in perspective if it truly is American, or if we’ve created a monster.  First up, we have a beloved institution that has been in existence since 1930—KFC, the artist formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken.

The State of Our Union:  KFC

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Wendy’s Presents: The Double-Double Down- Your Heart Knows What It Did And It Has To Pay

“Why do you want us to hurt you so?”

~Wendy’s Executives


We’ve taken a lot of shit from Wendy’s in our partnership with the fast food chain.  Our crack legal team did look into the contract and found there was a way to free ourselves from the oppressive rule of Wendy’s… It was so simple, we’re a little embarrassed that it took us so long to realize it.

Wendy’s has recently, for the first time, begun airing commercials with Wendy Thomas, the namesake of Wendy’s.  And from watching that, there’s one thing that can free us from our servitude…

Wendy is fat.

Hmm…That’s supposed to do it.  It says explicitly right here that if we point out that Wendy Thomas, the person Wendy’s was named after, was fat, we’d have some sign that the contract is void and…


What’s that rumbling?

Yes.  Yessss.  Be gone foul spirits!  RELEASE US!

Ah yes.  We’re free.  We’re…oh we’re finally free.  Now we can talk about this without any interference.

The Double-Double Down:  Your Heart Knows What It Did And It Has To Pay

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