“Chug chug chug chug chew chew chew chew run run run run!”
~Only the Most American of Runners
Americans either love or hate exercising. Sure, you can find some middle ground of, people that guess they should go for a jog today, but generally speaking, you have two camps of American exercisers—the kind of person that gets really into their workout journal, and the kind of person who actively brags that they go out of the way to limit their day to day physical exertions as much as possible. The stereotypes are in place—you have the cross-fit trainer on a Paleo diet, or you have the overweight American chugging a beer while eating a ChipoHut Taco (that’s where you take a Chipotle burrito, put it inside a full Pizza Hut pizza, and fold the whole thing into a massive taco).
Naturally, the latter is the more American option. However, in the past few years, people who “exercise” and “take care of their bodies” and “can go up a flight of stairs without running out of breath” have seemingly taken a hard look at themselves and said, “Yes, I should still exercise, but maybe I can find a way to do it while also being a little unhealthy, which sounds a lot more fun.”
We’ve coined a term for this kind of slightly unhealthy, exponentially more fun exercise—the Jog N’ Vom. Basically, dozens of races have sprung up across America that don’t want you to just run an arbitrary distance while they time you—they want you to incorporate drinking or eating something super unhealthy into your run, turning your 5K into an eating or drinking competition, which is a wonderful thing.
So, for you health nuts out there that still want to be the best American you can be, we present with you a (fairly) comprehensive list of the races that let you be bad while being good.
Jog N’ Vom: America’s Official Food and Drink Races
Posted in America's Best Foods, America's Culinary Treats, Pizza Pizza, Strange America, Strange Foods
Tagged America, April Fool's Twinkie Race, Bastille Day Baguette Relay Race, beer mile, Burrito Run, Chipotle, Chug chug chug chug, corndog classic, cupcake Run, Donut Dash, Donut Dash for CASA, Durham Doughman Relay, Hot Chocolate 15K, Jog, Jog N' Vom, Krispy Kreme, Krispy Kreme Challenge, NYC Cupcake Run, NYC Pizza Run, Pancake Race, pizza, Pizza Hut, Pizza Run, Run, San Diego Burrito Run, twinkie, Twinkie Race
“I don’t care how it’s spelled, it’s delicious, give me more.”
~Webster’s English Dictionary
If you’ve ever had a donut from Dunkin’ Donuts or a doughnut from Krispy Kreme or a Canadian bump into you and apologetically hand you a free cup of coffee at a Tim Hortons, you’re well familiar with North America’s favorite fried ring-shaped treat that sometimes isn’t ring-shaped at all. While we our never 1s to be stickelers for speling, there does seem to be a dispute on if we should call it a “doughnut” or a “donut.” Doughnut seems to be the original term used all over the world, while donuts originated in America, which uses both terms interchangeably. At the end of the day, we don’t care, because doughnuts (donuts) are delicious (yummy) and that’s true no matter what you call them.
But with doughnuts becoming increasingly popular, both in their native form and in the creation of ridiculous sandwiches, it’s time for us as Americans to take a step back and look at the history of our favorite deep fried sugar capsules. Which is why we present to you…
The History of Doughnuts (Or Donuts. Or Whatever)
Posted in America's Best Foods
Tagged America, Boston Cream, Donut, Doughnut, Dunkin' Donuts, Dutch, glazed donuts, Hanson Gregory, jelly-filled doughnuts, Krispy Kreme, Oliebol, Olykoek, powdered donuts, The Salvation Army, Tim Hortons, World War I
“It’s magnificent. It’s glorious. I can see a beautiful shining light. I’m heading towards it.”
~Every American With A Pre-Existing Heart Condition Eating Any Item On This List
Doughnuts. They’re so hot right now. Doughnuts. While doughnuts have been fattening Americans up under the guise of “Breakfast” for hundreds of years, they’ve recently experience a renaissance among those brave individuals who like to intake their sugary carbs in savory or alcoholic forms. We now live in a world where any doughnut shop that doesn’t make a maple bacon doughnut is full of shit, and if you’ve never tried a doughnut covered in fruit loops you’re not legally allowed to vote in Oregon.
What once was just a simple fried dough confectionery for the masses has now evolved farther than it was ever intended, sort of like New Jersey. But unlike New Jersey, the vast majority of the strange, bewildering doughnut products that we’re being exposed to are actually delicious, enjoyable, and something you’d consider taking home to your parents. Your fat parents. From the fat side of your family. That you eat fatty foods with. Just…fat…fat… JUST LISTEN THIS IS A LIST OF SANDWICHES MADE WITH DOUGHNUTS YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THEM RIGHT NOW FAT FAT ALL AT ONCE FAT FAT FATTIE SOO-WEE SOO-WEE OINK OINK OINK!!!!! oh wow, Jesus Christ, we don’t know what happened there. We started looking at our research for this article, and everything went red for a second, and when we woke up we were covered in jam somehow. God, we hope it’s jam.
Anyway, the 2010s have been a revolutionary time for people who like doughnuts, but hate the fact that you can’t buy them with additionally unhealthy foods in the middle. And they’ve gone out of their way to correct this oversight by making…
America’s 7 Craziest Doughnut Sandwiches
Posted in Fried Foods, Strange Foods
Tagged America, “Chicken” Charlie Boghosian, Breakfast Sandwich, Donut, Doughnut Sandwich, Doughnuts, Dunkin Doughnuts, Grilled Cheese, KFC, KFC Double Down, Krispy Kreme, Lady's Brunch Burger, Luther, Luther Burger, Midnight Snack, Monte Cristo, Paula Deen, Pulled Pork, Sandwhich, Sloppy Joe, State Fair