Searching For America
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Tag Archives: Midwest
How do Midwesterners ever live past 40? Are their hearts made out of Adamantium?”
~Non-Midwesterners Reading About Popular Midwestern Sandwiches
Another day, another discussion of sandwiches coming long after you’ve tossed up your hands and screamed, “AFFotD, listen, I get it, there are a lot of sandwiches out there, you don’t have to tell us about every damn one!” Well too late reader, by the time you’ve read this, they’ve all been written, and nothing can stop us from posting them, so you’re going to take your two more weeks of sandwich articles and like it!
Anyway, we’re moving on to the Midwest now in our regional portion of sandwich celebration. As stated in the first article of the series, there will be no discussion of hot dogs, and we’ve also covered regional favorites such as the Italian Beef (though we put that picture up there because, God, how good does that look right now?). But don’t worry, there will be plenty of unhealthy food items, even from Chicago despite our decision not to include literally every food they’re famous for, for you to stuff down your gullet before sobbingly calling your dietitian to apologize for cheating. Westward, ho!
American Sandwich Series: Lesser-Known Regional Sandwiches of America (Midwest Edition)
Four Loko on Guitars, Fallout Shelters, and Masonic Decals: [REDACTED] Goes on a Road Trip (Part 1 of 2)
“…This…seems like it’s a trap.”
Listen, intrepid readers,
To a story of woe and fears
Of our brave soul, [REDACTED]
Who has suffered all these years.
Once a journalist
Of an investigative nature,
He one day found himself…
In quite a Vegan nightmare.
And as the months went on,
He put up with lots of shit…
So AFFotD rewarded him
With a kindly road trip.
Too bad for [REDACTED]
We don’t want him having too much fun
So that’s why we made him
Drive all the way…to Omaha.
[REDACTED] Visits Omaha (Nebraska) (Like the Cornhuskers) (It’s in the Midwest, Alright?)
“Daddy, mom said that we’re supposed to call the police if you start drinking behind the wheel again.”
~How many times does daddy have to tell you kids to shut the hell up?
America is a glorious, sprawling land, with a lot of weird shit out there. As we’ve established in our first and second road trips through Midwestern America, the best part of driving through America is being able to stop and waste time at a whole variety of strange, exotic places. Except for that spider-car. That was terrifying as all shit.
After our last trip, which ended with several AFFotD staffers getting wasted at Mount Rushmore, we don’t really know what happened. When we eventually woke up, we all were missing one shoe, one sock, and the sleeves of our shirts had been cut off. Oh, also, our car was scattered around us in dozens of pieces. Or so we thought. Actually, our car was nowhere to be found. Turns out we’re in Alliance, Nebraska, where we were greeted with this sight.