“I like my hot dogs like I like my women—concrete physical proof that I lead a shallow, superficial existence.”
~Rich people who spend more than $100 on hot dogs
America, let’s take a moment to talk about hot dogs. They’re great, right? Pretty much anywhere you go, you’re going to find a great hot dog with its own unique flavor profile and style that hopefully doesn’t involve ketchup because if your hot dog involves ketchup then everyone involved in its preparation and consumption has the taste buds of a six-year-old, but we digress.
Hot dogs are wonderful. They’re delicious, gloriously unhealthy, satisfying, and most of all…expensive?
No! Of course they’re not! If you’re spending more than five dollars for a hot dog, you’re a chump, and if you’re raising your eyebrows and saying, “Five? Try two bucks, Rockefeller” in response to that five dollar figure, well, we wouldn’t argue with you on that point, we’d just point out that certain hot dogs of the jumbo and foot long variety at some of the best hot dog stands around can just about get away with charging that much. But to your larger point, yes, we agree with you. Hot dogs are supposed to be cheap, and delicious. Cheap. And delicious.
Unfortunately, well, you know. Rich people exist.
Pictured above, a rich person with their pet oil tycoon.
We’re not talking about the standard kind of rich person, who has multiple mansions and cars and personal servants and, like, a McDonald’s in their house like that one scene we all remember from the Richie Rich movie. No, we’re talking about the kind of rich people who either come from money so old they don’t understand how much things are supposed to actually cost in the real world, or people who are so amazed that they’re rich that they need to do everything in their power to let everyone know, “Hey, look at me, look at how much money I have!” like a seven-year-old boy who just learned how to back-flip into the pool. “Why aren’t you guys looking I just bought a piece of JFK’s skull!”
We’ve talked about this specific type, and how they’re just, the worst, many times before. We’ve seen $3.7 million bottles of vodka, whiskeys that cost as much as a house, hell, we’ve even run across all sorts of kinds of food covered in edible gold because fuck it, why not just devour ounce after ounce of pure gold at this point? At this point we’ve basically accepted that we shouldn’t be surprised when notoriously cheap foods are made expensive for no particular reason. Just as you’re sure to find someone willing to fork over $12,000 to get a pizza made in your house, you’re going to find thousand dollar hot dogs.
Now, admittedly, there are a lot of hot dogs that cost way more than they should, and a surprising amount of them sold at baseball stadiums. But we’re not here to shame the people who spend $29 on a hot dog, or $50 on a hot dog. No, we’re not going getting out of bed to write about any hot dog unless it costs more than $100, because we really want to drive home the absurdity of how much these people are paying for the right to brag about how much they are able to spend on a single goddamn hot dog.
The Most Expensive Hot Dogs in the World
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