“Goddamn it, I knew Chicago would win. Those bastards.”
~The, like, four New Yorkers who actually were upset that the New York-style hot dog was so low on this list
When we began our trek through America’s regional hot dogs, we were legitimately worried. We had just finished writing about 11,000 words talking about long bread sandwiches, and it literally tore families apart and drove half of our staff to insanity. And we were going to immediately follow that nightmare up with a systematic breakdown of hot dog styles? Did we have a death wish outside of our normal “eating and drinking so much that interventions pretty much have become a part of our weekly schedule” death wish?
As it turns out, the task wasn’t quite so daunting. Most hot dog styles follow a pretty basic blueprint. Talking about the different regional kinds of, say, chili dogs requires about as much research as talking about various pizza toppings. New Jersey wanted to put chili on their hot dog. Georgia puts their chili dog in a bowl. Pennsylvania likes to name things from Pennsylvania after Texas. It’s not exactly academic research, but it is hot dogs, so it’s still worth our attention our affection. And these four hot dogs remaining are the ones we love the most. So let’s dig in.
Regional Hot Dog Styles Of America: Part 4
Posted in AFFotD Special Features, Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, Steaks
Tagged America, Chicago, Chicago Style Hot Dog, chili dog, Cincinnati, Cincinnati Chili, Coney Island, Coney Island Hot dog, Detroit, Don't Put Ketchup On Your Hot Dog, Hot Dog, hot dogs, Hot Wiener, hot wieners, Never Put Ketchup on a Hot Dog, New york System, Phoenix, Regional Hot Dogs, Sonoran, Sonoran Hot Dog, Tucson
“Goddamn it AFFotD, now I REALLY want pizza for dinner.”
We here at AFFotD have a hard time shutting up about pizza, probably because it’s delicious and incredible and if you don’t like pizza you’re a bad person and you should feel bad. However, in our rush to point out things like “Pizza with toppings put in the crust” or “Goddamn it Japan you’re doing it wrong” we’ve overlooked one of the most important aspects of pizza’s culinary life—its European beginnings, and America’s impressive ability to adapt it for its own heart-clogging purposes. Pizza as a dish originated in Naples, Italy, much more recently than you would assume—while variations of bread baked with cheese have been around since the ancient Greeks, and Italians were eating some combination of baked bread, cheese, and tomato called “pizza” since the 17th century, the “modern” pizza likely wasn’t invented until 1889, using red tomato, green basil, and white mozzarella so as to cover the pie in the three colors of the Italian flag. It’s basically the same logic that America applied when inventing red, white, and blue jello shots.
Despite being such a famously “Italian” food staple, America wasn’t particularly far behind the curve in the pizza department. The first American pizza establishment opened up in the Little Italy neighborhood of New York by 1905. Once pizza reached our shores, we went to work on perfecting it, and we’ve since gone on to develop countless regional forms of the dish, some of them barely resembling the original Italian creation. Usually that’s for the best. Sometimes, not so much.
But we are a land of experimentation, and we’re here to embrace that quality, so join us for the first part of a two part pizza spectacular where we show you the best and worst of America’s regional pizzas, starting with the best because we know you’re hungry right now and we do so love to torture you.
The Five Best Regional Pizzas In America
Posted in Pizza Pizza
Tagged Al Forno, America, Apizza, Chicago, Chicago style-pizza, Detroit, Detroit-Style Pizza, Grilled Pizza, Italy, Naples, New Haven, New Haven-Style Pizza, New York, New York-Style Pizza, pizza, Providence, Providence-Style Grilled Pizza, Robocop
“Schlitz, it’s what’s for dinner!”
We in America like our beer like we like our women—delicious, full bodied, and able to give you very embarrassing erections when you think about them in public places. While the increasingly American trend is to appreciate American micro-brews that are richer tasting and able to get you drunker faster, we really embrace all beers that don’t pretend to be American while being owned by goddamn South Africans or Brazilians. Listen, sometimes you want a beer that’ll get you drunk, and get the job done cheap. An American beer that fosters good old fashioned Midwestern alcoholism while never straying from its American origins.
That beer sounds rather delicious, doesn’t it? Well, it sort of is. Kind of. Depending on how many beers you are into the night. But no matter what, when you drink it, your lips will taste of watered down hoppy America.
That beer, of course, is Schlitz.
If you are looking at this picture, and were born after the year of 1965, there is a 75% chance that this man is your biological father.
“Weighing in at over 300 pounds, this 3 foot tall hunk of meat….”
~A Porn actress’s nightmare
It should come as no surprise to you that we at the America Fun Fact of the Day have a pretty well-established love of Hamburgers. We also love needless excess. Show us the person who would say that we’re “wasting our time” making and selling the world’s largest gummy bear and we’ll show you a sad individual whose dream of making and selling the world’s largest gummy bear was likely dashed by diabetes.
America loves unhealthy things, and we love lots of unhealthy things far more. When someone tells us something has 540,000 calories, our response is generally, “I’m sorry, you’ll have to repeat yourself, I just climaxed.”
But, to quote the guy from Queens who thought we just insulted him in that last sentence, “I got your 540,000 calories riiiiight here.” And he does. Or at least we do. And by “we” we mean to say “Detroit”. In the form of…
Holy Mother of Cow, It’s the World’s Largest Hamburger!
Pictured, from left to right: Ingredient, Ingredient, Hamburger, Psychopath chef