Tag Archives: Schlitz

Schlitz: America’s Beer

“Schlitz, it’s what’s for dinner!”

~Probably?

We in America like our beer like we like our women—delicious, full bodied, and able to give you very embarrassing erections when you think about them in public places.  While the increasingly American trend is to appreciate American micro-brews that are richer tasting and able to get you drunker faster, we really embrace all beers that don’t pretend to be American while being owned by goddamn South Africans or Brazilians.  Listen, sometimes you want a beer that’ll get you drunk, and get the job done cheap.  An American beer that fosters good old fashioned Midwestern alcoholism while never straying from its American origins.

That beer sounds rather delicious, doesn’t it?  Well, it sort of is.  Kind of.  Depending on how many beers you are into the night.  But no matter what, when you drink it, your lips will taste of watered down hoppy America.

That beer, of course, is Schlitz.

If you are looking at this picture, and were born after the year of 1965, there is a 75% chance that this man is your biological father.

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