Tag Archives: The Oregon Trail

A Brief Look Into Competitive Eating

“I demand to see men force foods down their stomach at dizzying speeds.”

~Marlon Brando (you know, after he sorta started ballooning up)

America has a fascination with overeating.  Each day, we hear phrases that invoke our gastronomical upbringings, like “Put your money where your mouth is” “Stuff ‘em like a turkey” or “That sex was almost as good as eating a crate of pudding cups.  Almost.”

Yes, Americans love to eat.  Maybe it’s because our most fattening foods happen to be the cheapest and most delicious.  Maybe it’s because humans evolved with food scarcity, and fat storage was once a sign of survival, which became conflated as a sign of affluence in impoverished nations where obesity is considered an outward indicator of success.  Or maybe it’s shut the fuck up and eat, this is America dammit, SUEEEE-WEEEEEEE, SUEEEE-WEEEEEEEE.

So we at the America Fun Fact of the Day have grabbed our bibs, and our glasses of water for dunking, and are here to salute those proud Americans who make a living as Professional Competitive Eaters.

Haha, it says Shaggy Rodgers and Scooby Doo at the bottom.  Well done, internet vigilantes. 

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The Oregon Trail Raised a Generation

“The river is too deep to ford.  You lose:  103 bullets, 2 wagon wheels, 2 wagon axles, 2 oxen, TEDDY (drowned), C. DALE (drowned), ULYSSES (drowned).”

~Shit, should have just taken the ferry…

The Oregon Trail was two thousand mile wagon route connecting towns of the Missouri River to the Oregon valley, originally discovered and utilized by fur trappers and traders who would agehpgap

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Oh shit, sorry, fell asleep on the keyboard.  That’s boring.  Stop being so boring.  Besides, that’s totally historically inaccurate.  Because, we at AFFotD, like many Americans, know the real story behind the Oregon Trail.  We know it not because we “read books” or “watched PBS documentaries” or “listened to a lecture from a storied American History academic.”  Fuck that noise.  We know it because we lived it, man.  We were there, we know what’s at stake, and we know what we have lost.


That’s right, you can take your “historical discussions of the cultural impact regarding settlements along the Oregon Trail” and shove it up your monocle, we know the score because we are intimately familiar with the most American Educational Video Game of all time.

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