“We will eat enough hot dogs that our blood type will become ‘Nitrates’ and then we will eat some more.”
~AFFotD Official Credo
Recently, we at AFFotD painstakingly researched over 25 different long rolled sandwiches in America over the course of 11,000 words and four articles. We learned a lot during that delicious (though at times, excruciating) journey—mainly that it takes most wives and husbands about four hours of listening to a writer drunkenly talk about sub sandwiches before they take the kids and go spend a week at their parents’ place. While it’s all well and good to spend your time writing about submarine sandwiches and Italian beefs, when you try to list every type of sandwich in existence you end up scrapping the bottom of the internet to find anything at all that explains why “sarney” is in the dictionary as a type of sandwich, or why whiskey doesn’t always chase the demons away. After we ran ourselves ragged trying to write about every sandwich, we were pleased with our results, but swore an oath that we would never again take on such a daunting, impossible task. Unfortunately, we then celebrated the publication of the series by getting really drunk again and thinking of another article suggestion, and since we were hungry, we decided to talk about every kind of regional hot dog in America.
God…goddamn it. We just will never learn.
Anyway, it’s time to delve into the magical tube of nitrates that is the hot dog in all of its wondrous (and occasionally not-so-wondrous) incarnations. Hold onto your hats, America, here’s another multi-part, nation-sprawling series on unhealthy foods.
Regional Hot Dog Styles Of America: Part 1 of 4
Posted in AFFotD Special Features, Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, Steaks
Tagged America, Beef, Cheese Coney, Chicago, Cincinnati, Cincinnati Chili, Coney Island Hot dog, Corn Dog, Don't Put Ketchup On Your Hot Dog, Gray's Papaya, Hot Dog, hot dogs, Maine, Nathan's Hot Dog, New York, New York-Style Hot Dog, Pork, Porky, Red Hots, Red Snappers, Regional Hot Dogs, Rochester, sandwiches, Veal, White Hot, White Hot Dog
“Subway—it’s..it’s fine. I mean, it’s Subway. It was open.”
~Rejected slogan for Subway
For nearly a century, the Americanized Italian sandwich has played a pivotal role in filling our bellies efficiently and deliciously. Cold cuts, cheese, lettuce, onion, and tomato, all shoved into a sliced loaf of Italian bread and drizzled with oil and seasoning, has long been the default, “I don’t know what I feel like for lunch, eh, I’ll just get a sandwich” lunch choice for generations of workers.
Widely known as the Submarine Sandwich, it goes by about 17 different names in different regions throughout America, with dozens of additional variants from people who want hot sandwiches or beef doused in it’s own juices in elongated sandwich form. While many long roll sandwiches end to differ in name only (subs, meet hoagies, you are the same), others are radically different and even manage the eschew cold cuts entirely, but all are delicious and American. So instead of awkwardly stumbling through the history of the “submarine, or, uh, grinder, or, uh…” sandwich, we’re going to look into each type of this classic meat delivery system in the hopes that, that by showing our differences, we can bring our nation together. By spending some 11,000 words talking about sandwiches that are shoved into Italian bread or rolls over the course of four articles. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, over 25 types of sandwiches total, but first, let’s start from the beginning.
The Regional Italian and Submarine Sandwiches of America: New England and New York
Posted in AFFotD Special Features, America's Best Foods, The American Sandwich Series
Tagged America, Binghampton, Blimpie, Bombers, Boston, Buffalo, Connecticut, Food, Grinder, gyro, ham, Hero, Hoagie, Hoboken, Italian Sandwich, Long Roll Sandwiches, Maine, New Jersey, New York, Quiznos, Regional Sandwiches, Salami, Sandwich, Spiedies, Spuckie, Sub, Submarine Sandwich, Subway, torpedo, Tunnel, Wedge, Yonkers
“Oh, Chicago? Al Capone! Ratt-att-att! Michael Jordon! Swoosh!”
~Foreigners upon hearing the word “Illinois”
We’ve spent the last 6,000 words on this site devoted to each and every slice of Americana as represented by the American traits of every American state. It’s not been an easy journey. After our half-hearted endorsement of Mississippi, someone snuck into our office and started putting antifreeze into our coffee maker in an effort to poison our staff. Luckily for us, the treatment of antifreeze poisoning is alcohol, and we’ve literally never had a cup of coffee that wasn’t at least 50% whiskey, but we still have come to recognize that you’re not going to please everyone when you set out to find the most American quality of each state. Except for Rhode Islanders. They were actually surprisingly pleased that we gave them a solid 350 words. We think they were lonely and just thankful for the attention.
So, we continue onward, marching from the states we all are intimately familiar with all the way through Wyoming. Do you know anyone from Wyoming? Didn’t think so. But you do know someone from the following state.