Tag Archives: Mila Kunis

The 10 Most Expensive Whiskeys in the World

“Hmm, I could buy one bottle of whiskey, or, OR, I could get drunk every day, for my whole life, on very good whiskey, and still not pay that much.  Decisions, decisions.”

~Practical American Booze Shoppers

 glengoyne

When we set out to bring you the closest thing to a comprehensive list of the world’s most expensive whiskeys that a writing staff of buzzed and lightly drunk gluttons could put together, we didn’t know what to expect.  We’ve covered the most expensive versions of various items here before, from pizza and hamburgers to yachts to even vodka, and as much as we wholeheartedly endorse waste and greed, we can’t ever get past the whole “if you can buy a thousand bottles of liquor for the price of one stupid status symbol, why not just go for bulk instead” mindset of things.  Our view on excess generally boils down to the following—take a hundred pounds of butter and carve it into a cow?  You keep doing you, you glorious American bastard.  But spend $10,000 on a single bottle of alcohol?  Is that really better than, say, 300 bottle of Woodford Reserve?

With that caveat in mind, we were (somewhat) pleasantly surprised to see that none of the entries of most expensive whiskeys come from the United States.  Sure, 99 times out of 100, when we see someone doing something better than America we start frothing at the mouth while demanding an immediate arms race, economy be damned, but in this instance, we’re happy to cede the title to the Scots, especially since, if you’re patient and really looking to flex your alcohol spending powers, $200 and knowing the right people can get most Americans the best whiskey in the world.

With that in mind, it’s time to delve into the world’s most expensive whiskeys.  We can guarantee you will never have the opportunity to take even a sip of any of these, so it’s best to just tell yourself they all taste like shoe leather and that everyone who purchased it immediately uttered, “Dear God, what have I done” as soon as they tried it.

The 10 Most Expensive Whiskeys in the World

 johnny walker go fuck yourself

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America’s Comically Awful Sequels (You Didn’t Know Existed)

“What are you talking about, this movie is hilarious!”

~Extremely drunk people watching the following

caddyshack 2

There’s an old saying in Hollywood that goes, “We’re in the business of making dreams.  And when those dreams can be repurposed after the fact for additional profit, we’re in the business of brutally violating and mangling those dreams to remind you that nothing is sacred and your childhood is long dead and gone and the world is a cruel place driven by cold logic.”  It’s a little wordy, sure, but when you truly take that sentiment to heart you can finally make sense of the fact that our weird and brief obsession with the “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” dog abstractly helped spawn not one, not two, but three fucking Beverly Hills Chihuahua films.

For as long as we’ve had movies that we love, we’ve had sequels to those movies that take different actors, directors, and writers that served as nothing but direct-to-video cash grabs from bored studio executives.  Yes, there are instances where the sequel is arguably even better than the original, but for every Godfather: Part II there are a dozen Return of Jafars.  And while we all are painfully aware of the mega blockbuster sequels that make, essentially, all the money while being objectively horrible (looking at you, Spider-Man 3) you’d be surprised at how many of your favorite films were sequeled (shut up, it’s a word) without you having the slightest idea of their existence.

Yes, they’re awful.  Often hilariously so.  That’s why we’re let’s get the largest bottle of the strongest liquor that’s within reach and get drunk together as we discuss…

America’s Comically Awful Sequels (You Didn’t Know Existed)

 blues brothers 2000 Continue reading