“What’s wrong with having a hooker as a First Lady?”
~You, the Reader
Do you know that we have to write fifteen different ways to introduce this series of articles that, if anything, will later be used as evidence for our staff’s eventual Obsessive Compulsion Disorder diagnosis. We dug up all 142 fictional Presidents who have ever made an appearance in a film, and if that wasn’t already exhausting for everyone involved, we decided to rank those Presidents and spread the whole thing out into 15 different articles.
You can see all the others by clicking the various links in this paragraph, and no, they’re not in order, because this process has driven us insane. Okay, all caught up? No? Too fucking bad, here are more Presidents.
Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#90-81—Not Bad, But Not Good, Just Kind of Sleezy)
Continue reading →
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day, Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked
Tagged Amazon Women on the Moon, America, Andrew Duggan, Being There, Billy Bob Thornton, Fictional President Rankings, Fictional Presidents, Forrest J. Ackerman, Fred Willard, Hunt Block, In Like Flint, Jack Warden, John Travolta, Lloyd Bochner, Love Actually, Loyal Opposition: Terror in the White House, Movie Madness, Presidents, Primary Colors, Robert Mitchum, salt, The Last Time I Saw Archie, US Presidents
“What are you talking about, this movie is hilarious!”
~Extremely drunk people watching the following
There’s an old saying in Hollywood that goes, “We’re in the business of making dreams. And when those dreams can be repurposed after the fact for additional profit, we’re in the business of brutally violating and mangling those dreams to remind you that nothing is sacred and your childhood is long dead and gone and the world is a cruel place driven by cold logic.” It’s a little wordy, sure, but when you truly take that sentiment to heart you can finally make sense of the fact that our weird and brief obsession with the “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” dog abstractly helped spawn not one, not two, but three fucking Beverly Hills Chihuahua films.
For as long as we’ve had movies that we love, we’ve had sequels to those movies that take different actors, directors, and writers that served as nothing but direct-to-video cash grabs from bored studio executives. Yes, there are instances where the sequel is arguably even better than the original, but for every Godfather: Part II there are a dozen Return of Jafars. And while we all are painfully aware of the mega blockbuster sequels that make, essentially, all the money while being objectively horrible (looking at you, Spider-Man 3) you’d be surprised at how many of your favorite films were sequeled (shut up, it’s a word) without you having the slightest idea of their existence.
Yes, they’re awful. Often hilariously so. That’s why we’re let’s get the largest bottle of the strongest liquor that’s within reach and get drunk together as we discuss…
America’s Comically Awful Sequels (You Didn’t Know Existed)
Continue reading →
Posted in Miscellaneous America, Strange America
Tagged Aladdin, America, American Psycho, American Psycho 2, awful movie sequels, Awful sequels, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Blues Brothers 2000, Caddyshack 2, Christopher Reeves, Grease, Grease 2, John Travolta, Judd Hirsch, Mean Girls, Mean Girls 2, Michelle Pfeiffer, Mila Kunis, Movies, Patrick Bateman, Patrick Swayze, Road House, Road House 2, Saturday Night Fever, Sequels, Staying Alive, Steve McQueen, That Thing Y ou Do, The Great Escape, The Great Escape II, Wililam Shatner, Yo Quiero Taco Bell
~Um, just the motherfucking Robocop
Many classic characters have been created for art and film. There’s Hamlet, Sherlock Holmes, that one dude in The Wire that wasn’t Omar but had the bow tie, all of these characters are memorable parts of our culture’s collective memory.
Come to think of it, Omar might be a slightly more memorable character.
So given this absolutely complete list of popular characters of film, stage, and (ugh) literature, what do they have in common? Passion? Eloquence? An enviable fashion sense? Well, none of them hold a candle to the figure of today’s AFFotD, who is of course…
The Motherfucking Robocop.
Continue reading →
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Blue-Tac, ER, Face-Off, Hamlet, John Travolta, Nicholas Cage, omar, Reaper, Rip Thorn, Robocop, Robocop on a Jetpack, Sherlock Holmes, That 70's Show, The Matrix, The West Wing, The Wire