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Get Your Hands Off My Bottle: A Short History of the Whiskey Rebellion

“Do.  Not.  Fuck.  With.  Our.  Whiskey.”

~18th Century Americans/19th Century Americans/20th Century Americans/You Get The Gist

whiskey rebellion

America was founded under a few core principles.  Now, it’s been a while since we’ve skimmed through the Declaration of Independence, and if you put a gun to our head we’d still not be able to tell you what the Third Amendment of the Constitution does, but we’re pretty sure America is all about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness through the imbibement of alcohol.  Nope, that’s right, we nailed it on the first try, don’t even try to ask Google if that’s right they’ll just steal your cookies and put them on boat servers and sell them to Nigerian Princes (besides being keen historians, we’re also internet experts).

We bring this up because we’d like to tell you about a very important history tale, from America’s distant past.  Imagine, if you will, a time when America’s very existence could be threatened by even the smallest of threats.  Picture a government trying to tax our booze to pay for war debts.  And imagine people rising up and saying, “Get your hands off our fucking booze” with enough anger and violence that it marks the only time that an acting President led troops to battle.

Yes, that’s right, we’re here to talk about the Whiskey Rebellion, the relatively minor yet strangely important hiccup in American history that, naturally, was centered around our nation’s love of alcohol.

Get Your Hands Off My Bottle:  A Short History of the Whiskey Rebellion

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America Fun Fact of the Day 4/10- April 10th in American History

“What’s that?  100th day of the year?  Sure you can use that as a reason to drink today.  You know what else you can use as a reason?  THIS IS AMERICA DAMMIT!”

~Johnny Roosevelt, Editor-in-Chief of AFFotD

Today is April 10th, which sources tell us, is the 100th day of the year.  So, if your 2011 has been great, or terrible, either way that’s a cause to drink.  And as as result, we’re going to do something very special at the America Fun Fact of the Day offices here today.  We are going to let a separate AFFotD staffer inform you of what happened on previous April 10ths in America.  Except most of them will be in various states of drunk.  Don’t worry, we’ll let you know who you’re hearing from, and how much they’ve had to drink, and hopefully they’ll have done their research well enough that they’re not just drunkenly pulling shit out of their asses.

But then again, we can’t make any promises.

So, without further ado, here is…

The American History of April 10th in America (As Remembered By Drunk Americans)

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