Tag Archives: Temperance Movement

The Five Newest, Strangest Beers in America

“Wow.  I mean, I’d drink it, because alcohol, but…wow.”

~American beer drinkers

kelpie seaweed ale

America is a nation of innovation, nurturing the minds that eventually came to bring us DVDs, the Internet, and probably some other things that we don’t even use to watch pornography.  Nowhere is this enterprising spirit more apparent than our constant efforts to improve upon perfection (read as: beer).  Each year brewers go out of their way to give us new and interesting ways to get drunk on liquid bliss, ranging from the strange to the “are you sure that’s not whiskey?”

As purveyors of all things American, we constantly find ourselves inundated with a plethora insane sounding beers that we absolutely have to try at this moment.  So for tax write-off purposes, we’re going to list the five newest, most exciting, and strangest beers that have hit the market this past year so we can try them without having to buy them.  Because this is America goddamn it, and if we can find a way to get the government to pay us to get drunk, we’re going to move heaven and Earth to make that happen.

Or just write 1,500 words on weird beers.  Tomato to-mah-to.

The Five Newest, Strangest Beers in America

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America’s Dumbest Laws #1-5

“We can only hope that someday, a law will come that will be more idiotic than this law which we are trying to pass.”

~Every member of the Temperance Movement

We live in a society of rules and laws, but we exist as a society that would prefer to ignore the ones we don’t agree with.  And generally, law enforcement officers don’t care about the laws that we ignore, unless outdated definitions of brothels are involved, but even then Americans just find a way around it.  The fact is, many laws have been enacted in this fine land over the past 130 plus years (wait…2011 minus 1776 is…yeah that sounds about right) and not all of them aged particularly well.  But, instead of replacing them, we leave them on the books so that they can just stare at us, looking silly, watching us laugh at them.  Sorta like Andy Kaufman.

You had us at that one time you said that thing with the funny accent.

Since the AFFotD office has a running “felony” pool, we like to track some of the more obscure laws in the land for when we want to add something to our list of committed crimes, while avoiding most legal repercussions.  Maybe the way we keep score for our  “Who committed the most crimes” today game is faulty, but technically manslaughter is worth as many points as getting a fish drunk in Ohio.  So that’s why we’re here to each and every American heart out there the ways that they’ve been breaking the law, without even realizing it, in today’s edition of…

AFFotD’s Most Ridiculous American Laws of America

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