The Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919

Posted on July 27, 2011 | 1 comment

“It’s EVERYWHERE!  Oh God…it’s so STICKY…”

~Boston, 1919

Americans are not above tragedy.  Even the most American of us have been knocked down in their prime, while others slowly fade away into obscurity.  But one thing remains constant, there are certain fates that feel more American to befall an individual than others.  Various cultures have their own cultural expectations for loss, and some tragedies can be painted with a silver lining that can give solace to the rest of us.  When a building collapses, it shocks and saddens us, but when we find out that an aggressive orgy was the reason for the building’s collapse, we at least knew that the victims went down swinging.

Which brings us to one of the most delicious fatal disasters in American history.  We are referring to, of course, the Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919.

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Posted in Strange America

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Wherein AFFotD Defends American Speech Patterns From The Radical And Problematic Views Of The Foolish British

Posted on July 26, 2011 | 1 comment

“I don’t even care, you guys.  They’re not even people.  They’re just…British.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt


Much like a stubborn teenager who grew up to be far more successful and powerful than their father, America has a complicated relationship with England.  We ran away from home, they burned down our President’s House, we made them feel embarrassed by being so American and awesome, but we still keep in touch sometimes and we like to say that we’re still pretty close friends even though we only see each other a few times a year.

So it always saddens us when we hear British people foolishly try to tell us we’re doing shit wrong.  It doesn’t happen often, because after we remind them that we saved their asses in doubleyou doubleyou two, they fucking owe us, but they still sometimes let criticisms squeak through.

Like this BBC article listing off the 50 “worst” “Americanisms.”  Pssh, way to be oxymoronic, douchebags.  In their classic attempt to write an article without writing an article, these dentist’s nightmares decided to have their readers mail in their least favorite “Americanisms,” as long with an explanation of why they’re bothered by it.

Let’s go through the list and tell them why they’re wrong wrong wrong.  Goddamn limeys.

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Posted in America's Greatest Fun Facts, England

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The American History of Coleslaw

Posted on July 25, 2011 | 9 comments

“It’s always a touch decision between that, the Mac and Cheese, and the mashed potatoes, isn’t it?”

~Colonel Sanders


One of the most widely available and American acceptable “salads” also happens to be the most secretive.  Much like a Jeremy Piven character in a John Cusack Romantic Comedy, Coleslaw is always there but rarely thought about.

But this is a food that sits alongside American food champions like Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, and Fried Chicken, while managing to break past it’s “vegetable-based” roots and be fairly unhealthy for you when done right, and it’s Wikipedia page has less information than the entry on Paris Hilton’s products and endorsements.  It’s a damn shame, because any food drowned in mayonnaise deserves to be known.  That is why we here at AFFotD are making it our duty to present to you…

The American History of Coleslaw

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Posted in America's Best Foods

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America’s Rating System

Posted on July 24, 2011 | 1 comment

“I want to see whatever movie is rated ‘Um holy shit.’”

~America’s movie going audiences


America likes going to see the movies.  Granted, they don’t always like going to see good movies, but movies are still seen nonetheless.  Of course, we don’t want children under the age of 4 seeing dismemberments, and we really like making it hard for thirteen year olds to see large projected breasts, so the MPAA is there to put arbitrary ratings on each movie.

Obviously, each of these ratings represents a different level of American values.  Because some movies like to have vegetables talk to you about Jesus, and are rated accordingly, while other’s like to say “motherfucker” while they explode the shit out of a plane.  That is why we are here with a handy guide to let you know what to expect when you’re watching a film of a certain rating.

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Posted in Miscellaneous America

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America Fun Fact of the Day 7/23- Saturday Image of the Week

Posted on July 23, 2011 | Leave a comment

“THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME!”

~A…book?  right?

We at America Fun Fact of the Day have a credo.  You may have heard of it.  It goes…fuck nature.  And here’s the thing.  When you have a common enemy, the best thing you can hope for?  That’s right.  You want them…TO DO BATTLE!

BEAR VERSUS TIGER!  No matter who wins…we win!

Have a great weekend everyone.  Congratulations to every American named Joe and Katie getting married today.

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A Rundown of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Competition

Posted on July 22, 2011 | 3 comments

“It’d take YOU a few weeks to do a write up too if you were recovering from a meat coma.”

~AFFotD’s Hot Dog Reporter


July 4th was a day with one of the most American traditions we can think of.  Well, fireworks too, but mainly we’re talking about the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.  As you no doubt remember, AFFotD has chronicled the American ways of Competitive Eating, so it only seemed sporting that we let you know how this year’s Super Bowl of food competitions went.  We hired a Hot Dog freelance writer to try to keep up with the competition, Hot Dog for Hot Dog.  No, it wasn’t that Japanese guy that refused to sign a contract with the professional eating league and now complains about it when they don’t let him compete, our writer only lasted about 30 hot dogs until his stomach distended and he lapsed into a very literal coma.  Ha ha, jokes on him, freelancers don’t get insurance, boo-ya!

Now whenever he closes his eyes this is all he sees.

As a result we have an inside scoop, and once he regained lucidity we were able to go to the presses and report on…

The AFFotD Rundown of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

 

 

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Posted in Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, Steaks

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America’s Homemade Hunters

Posted on July 21, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Eh…too easy.”

~American Hunters


As purveyors of American doses of Americanism, we like to have our finger on the pulse of the acceptably badass American occupations.  When alcohol was being flavored like cupcakes, we were there.  When Pizza hut started cramming bacon and sausage inside of their crusts, we were there.  And that’s why we’re here to tell you that we have encountered a small pocket of Americans who enjoy hunting, except for anything that has ever been invented to make hunting easier.

That’s right.  These are people who like to hunt wild boar and other animals using homemade bows, arrows, and spears.  Because WOOOOOOO, that’s why.

“My point be obsidian/ my beats ain’t opinion/ grizzled beard cause delirium/ fuck up boars and all of ‘em.”

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The Motherfucking Robocop

Posted on July 20, 2011 | 3 comments

“Freeze, chumps.”

~Um, just the motherfucking Robocop


Many classic characters have been created for art and film.  There’s Hamlet, Sherlock Holmes, that one dude in The Wire that wasn’t Omar but had the bow tie, all of these characters are memorable parts of our culture’s collective memory.

Come to think of it, Omar might be a slightly more memorable character.

So given this absolutely complete list of popular characters of film, stage, and (ugh) literature, what do they have in common?  Passion?  Eloquence?  An enviable fashion sense?  Well, none of them hold a candle to the figure of today’s AFFotD, who is of course…

The Motherfucking Robocop.

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Wendy’s Presents America Fun Fact of the Day 7/19- Gummy Bear Bratwurst

Posted on July 19, 2011 | 8 comments

“I need this inside of me.”

~AFFotD Food Critic, John Goodman

 

AFFotD tries to stay on the forefront of the unhealthy cuisine community.  That is to say, we drink a lot, and after about that sixth beer you start getting the drunk hungers, and Burger King hamburgers get really boring after a while (This post is sponsored in part by Wendy’s.   With six sides to choose from with each of our twelve value meals, you’ll never get tired of it!  Look out for their new slogan.  Wendy’s: So many choices, but you know you’re going to get the spicy chicken sandwich with a small side of the chili.)  So when we hear about a new food out there that is ridiculous, and hopefully completely unhealthy, we unfasten our ethanol IVs and brave the DTs to seek them out.

That’s how we happened to stumble (and shake because, oh the shakes, oh God the shakes) upon a little Brat store in Hugo, Minnesota who reluctantly decided to give a massive middle finger to cuisine common sense, and made something so amazing that you’re not legally allowed to cook it sober.

That’s right those of you with good eyesight and a willingness to squint to read what the package says in the photo above.  Gummy.  Bear.  Brats.  Bratwurst made with gummy bears.  It might sound too good to be true, but that’s just because a life of harsh reality has all but destroyed your capacity for carefree imagination, because this shit is as real as your probation officer.

It is to Bratwurst what the Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich was to Chicken Sandwiches:  A total game changer!

That’s right America, we are here (with the financial backing of Wendy’s, home of the best French Fries fast food has to offer!) to tell you the story of a little shop that could.  Clog arteries.  With meat and candy.  Remember in the 1990’s when that only-okay song, Sex and Candy, came out?  God that decade was a mess.  But yeah, you guys!  Meat and candy!  Together!  Sponsored by Wendy’s!  We really needed the money!

Wendy’s!  Their executives are gentle kissers and don’t mind if you’re crying during! Continue reading →

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[REDACTED] Live-Blogs the WWC Championship Between USA and Japan

Posted on July 18, 2011 | Leave a comment

“I’m not even surprised at this point.  Just sad.”

~[REDACTED]

The Women’s World Cup is the biggest thing to happen to Soccer’s popularity in America since the Men’s World Cup last year that you had totally forgotten about until we just mentioned it here.  And as a result, we’ve been using it as a good opportunity to tranquilize the coffee of our investigative journalist, [REDACTED], and force him to live-blog some soccer games.  He doesn’t know anything about soccer (because, you know, America) and as much as he likes rooting for America and rooting against countries who we have fought against in wars (looking at you, Japan), he still really hates this whole gig.

And we like making sure he knows his damn place, so he was at hand to blog about the Women’s World Cup Championship match between America and Japan.  By the time he came to in the utility closet we stuck him in, we heard a lot of loud wailing, which was replaced by some whimpering and keyboard taps about five minutes into the game.  We printed up the following, taped it to a brick, and chucked it through Johnny Roosevelt’s window, so without further adieu, here is [REDACTED]‘s liquor-fueled description of the game.

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