America Fun Fact of the Day

Tagged America, American List, Best Things About America, BLOG WAR!

How Americans Can Con a John: An American Guide to Grifting

Posted on August 16, 2011 | 3 comments

“Boy that’s a right nice dog yer got there.”

~A not-honest-John

We once accidentally stumbled onto a track by a British (ugh) group called “The Streets” which was called, “Never Con an Honest John.” The entire song was step-by-step directions on how to grift someone using a dog from the kennel and convincing a stranger to assume the dog is worth several thousand dollars before tricking him into trying to buy it from you. That’s because British people suck, and centering your scam around a dog is no way to go through life, England. God.

That scam is called the Pedigree Dog, and it basically hinges on whether or not the bartender or store owner you leave the dog with is greedy. You have the victim watch a stray dog you bring in on a leash, and have another con artist come in and claim to be a dog breeder willing to pay top dollar for the dog. The victim greedily tries to buy the dog from you for less than the expert will pay, and the expert never comes back, leaving you with cash, and him stuck with a dog.

This is a fairly obvious example of a Con Job. Like the great American film The Sting, swindling gullible and greedy people for money is a classic American institution. While it seems unrealistic that someone would fall for this particular Con (some Con Men prefer to use a violin for this scam instead of, you know, a living goddamn creature), they absolutely do.

And we support the hell out of it.

And here’s to you, Mrs. Robbing-son

The term “Con Man” is short for “Confidence Man” because they have to gain the confidence of their mark, or target, in order to succeed. And while we think that the Pedigree Dog is not that good of a con, and hate that we found out about it through the British, we do agree with the sentiment that you should never con an honest John, and therefore feel it is the duty of every American to know how to take advantage of those greedy-yet-naïve pillars of our society. That’s why we are here with…

AFFotD’s Official Guide to Grifting, Conning, and Swindling

3 Comments

Posted in Strange America

Tagged America, Con Games, conning, embarassing check, Glim-Dropper, grifting, Pedigree Dog, Pig in a Poke, Ponzi Scheme, swindling, The Badger Game, The False Good Samaritan, The Pigeon Drop, The Spanish Prisoner, Three Card Monti

America Fun Fact of the Day 8/14- August 14th in American History

Posted on August 14, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Hangover, hangover, hangover!”

~Demolition Derby Announcers

America Fun Fact of the Day is nothing but predictable. We’ll talk about British people looting, and we’ll talk about brew masters pissing in glasses. But one area where we’re predictable as shit is that you know on Saturdays you’re going to get an image of the week, and Sundays you know you’re gonna get a recap of what happened on that particular day in history. You know this is going to happen. And if this too “meta” for you, well, fucking deal. Fucking. Deal.

Anyway, back to our tradition of posting hungover as shit and telling you what happened during…

Today’s American Day in American History

Tagged America, Goose Island, Looting, Riots, Today in American History

America Fun Fact of the Day 8/13- Saturday Image of the Week

Posted on August 13, 2011 | Leave a comment

“TEDDY ROOSEVELT! BIGFOOT! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! THUNDERDOMEEEEE!”

~The non-Australian version of Mad Max

America loves epic battles. Ali versus Frazier. Ali versus Foreman. Some other epic battles that don’t involve Ali. What we’re trying to say is that America loves badass fights. And it’s Saturday, so you know that means you’re due an image of the week. And yes, your assumption that today’s image will be a badass fight is totally correct.

Don’t say we’ve never done anything for you, America. Here’s Teddy Roosevelt shooting up the motherfucking Bigfoot.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!merica.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Posted in Roosevelt

Tagged America, Bigfoot, Saturday Image of the Week, Teddy Roosevelt

Bill Veeck Loved Midgets

Posted on August 11, 2011 | 3 comments

“Midget! Midget midget midget!”

~Bill Veeck

If there’s one complaint people have about baseball, it would be that it’s too straight laced. That is, if they have a complaint about baseball. That’s usually because baseball players only show a lot of effort for short periods of time before resting a while. It’s the only sport that has a bench that doesn’t require a bench, because honestly, when was the last time you saw a guy walk to the dugout and need to rest his legs?

Photo unrelated

But if there was one man out there that understood how to jazz up Baseball and take an American sport even more American by adding something crazy, it would be the great Bill Veeck, a man who saw a sport that could be stuffy and uninviting and decided to liven the hell out of it, likely saying, “We gotta do something to make this game more exciting. You know, something like a midget baseball player. Well, not a midget baseball player, but you get the idea, something like that.”

“Dammit, fine let’s just go with it.”

Yes, Bill Veeck was a unique brand of MLB baseball team owner. While some owners might have their team involved in messy divorce court proceedings, Veeck (“as in Wreck” as his autobiography so astutely put it) would do absurd promotion stunts (his ugly divorces very rarely involved the teams he owned). As the last Baseball owner who was not independently wealthy, Bill Veeck had everything a true American could ask for. A man who built himself from the ground up, lost a limb in the war, and caused a mass riot when he wanted to destroy as many Disco albums as possible. Veeck was a man too great for embellishment, though we once heard that he could life a car over his head with one hand while juggling midgets with the other. But only 3 midgets. Like we said, we’re not going to embellish any of this.

So here’s the tale of the man with one leg and a love of midgets.

3 Comments

Posted in The Best of the Rest

Tagged Alfonso Soriano, America, Aramis Ramirez, Baseball, Bill Veeck, Chicago, Chicago Cubs, Disco Demolition, Eddie Gaedel, HArry Caray, Midgets

The Army Smells Like General Patton

Posted on August 10, 2011 | 1 comment

“Smells like PTSD.”

~The Army

When Americans are asked what they want to smell like, they tend to respond with slightly worried silence. We understand that, it’s weird. It’s personal. And there’s no way to answer the question without sharing far more about yourself than you’d otherwise be comfortable doing. If you say you want to smell “like rose and cinnamon” you probably are somewhat feminine and prefer sweet breakfasts over savory ones. If you say you prefer the smell of axe body spray, you’re a douchebag. If you respond by saying, “I want to smell like ropes and pepper spray,” uh, Jesus Christ you’re a kidnapper aren’t you? Holy shit, you totally are. You totally are.

So we’re not here to ask America what it wants to smell like. We’d like to guess bourbon and cigar smoke, but maybe that’s just the optimist in us. We’d at least feel pretty confident saying that “like General Patton” would be pretty low on most people’s list.

But the joke’s on you, because not only is there cologne that smells like General Patton, but there’s a whole line of colognes meant to smell like each branch of the American Military! Because gimmicks are the only reason why we buy anything!

Which actually helps explain the popularity of T.G.I. Fridays.

1 Comment

Posted in Strange America

Tagged Air Force, America, Army, Coast Guard, Devil Dog, Earthworm Jim, General Patton, Liberty, Marines, Navy, Parfumologie, patton, rip tide, Rule 34, Stealth, The American Line, United States Military

Francis Firegrove: American Conspiracy Theory Expert

Posted on August 9, 2011 | 1 comment

“The government is contaminating the groundwater with Billy Joel songs!”

~Francis Firegrove, AFFotD Conspiracy theorist

America is full of crazy people, and that’s something to be proud of. Why’s that? Because completely normal, sane people are incredibly boring. Plus they’re the most likely to snap and commit terrible atrocities. Look at the Mormons, for God’s sake. So yes, we love the fact that America has insane conspiracy theorists who decide to inform us about how the President of the United States is actually part turtle, or that the US Senate are a group of men and women that only exist in the mind of a 5 year old autistic child. Because, if nothing else, it keeps things interesting around here.

There’s got to be a debt ceiling joke in there, right?

So while we might not agree with certain conspiracy theories, like vapor trails being the governments way to poison all of its citizens, we still get a kick out of hearing them. So that’s why today’s AFFotD will be written by a very special guest, Francis Firegrove, our resident tin-foil hat maker/conspiracy theory expert. Take it away, Francis.

1 Comment

Tagged Christopher Columbus, Conspiracy Theories, Francis Firegrove, google, LSD, Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Zuckerberg loves tadpoles, Mormons, NSA, President, Theory of relativity, Truman Show, US Senate, wizard obama

America Loves Tiny Apartments

Posted on August 8, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Weeeeeeeee represent…”

~…The Lollipop Guild

America is all about saving money. Well that’s not true. That’s a total lie in fact. In fact, one of the great goals of America is that we’re supposed to make as much money as humanely possible (fuck you, Ghana!) and use it in the most absurd ways (you’re welcome, Mr. Chocolate Fountain Business Owner). That’s America. But despite our best intentions, most of us do not have Christopher Walken as a father, and our lives are not an extension of the island house scenes from Wedding Crashers. So sometimes we Americans have to get inventive to live in the more popular American locations.

First of all, shut the fuck up New York. We know this is about you, you don’t need to gloat about it.

No seriously, shut the fuck up.

Okay you goddamn New Yorkers. This is about New York. And tiny apartments.

And America loves tiny apartments.

Tagged America, Freedom, fuck you ghana, studio apartment, tiny apartment

America Fun Fact of the Day 8/7- August 7th in American History

Posted on August 7, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Halfway through summer, eh wikipedia? Keep that asshole winter out of here.”

~Johnny Roosevelt

Yup, summer is apparently halfway over, which sort of sucks, but means we still have a lot of summer left in America. There’s plenty of time for barbeques and fireworks and knife fights in dimly lit back alleys, so we’re going to just make sure we appreciate it. And speaking of back alley knife fights…we’ve got one coming up soon. So for now you’re going to have to get your American fix with some…

Today’s date in American history