“Wait, let me guess—you dressed up as a giant douchebag.”
~All of us
Halloween is a wonderful time of the year. No, we’re not saying that sarcastically, Halloween is one of the better holidays out there—you’re not expected to do anything other than dress as something goofy, get drunk with your friends, and maybe steal some of the candy your kids got Trick-or-Treating when they’re not looking (they are guaranteed not to notice, unless you snag one of the full-sized snickers that your neighbors keep offering just to show up everyone else on the block, the bastards.)
We’ve, long ago, talked about how Halloween is the holiday that ages with you. That might sound like an indictment, but it’s quite the opposite—almost every other holiday is so inflexible, you’re inevitably bound to have periods of your life where you don’t find them as enjoyable as you once did. Not so with Halloween. When you’re a kid, and want candy, boom, you’ll get to fill your little chubby cheeks with enough sugar to force us to make some diabetes joke that leads to weirdly hostile diatribes being posted on our website. You’re in your 20’s or 30’s and would like an excuse to get smashed while dressed in 1990’s pop culture references? All yours buddy! Feeling like settling down, dressing up your baby as a pumpkin and having a shindig at your house? Halloween has you covered!
It’s a great holiday. We can’t stress that enough. It’s great. Great great great.
But people who buy and wear novelty costumes for it suck. Like these following costumes. Do not buy these costumes. Do not suck on Halloween.
Costumes That Should Not Exist (Male Edition)