“Yeah I’ll invade England, whatever, I do what I want, you ain’t the boss of me.”
~John Paul Jones
Considering that we wouldn’t have ended up becoming a country if the end result had gone a different way, it’s surprising how little about the Revolutionary War the average American is aware of. We know about the Declaration of Independence, and Concord and Lexington at the start of things. We know Bunker Hill. We know that Benedict Arnold was an asshole, and that Nathanael Greene was a badass, and that Yorktown pretty much sealed the whole deal for us. But apart from the founding fathers, and some iconic imagery of George Washington, when we think of the American Revolution we think of the early battles up until, say, Saratoga…and then, us eventually winning.
There were four years of war between Saratoga and Yorktown, and in general our history books kind of gloss over that period. Pretty much the only people talking about that time period were, say, the screenwriters for The Patriot, and even with that you’d not immediately recall that the climax of that movie was 1781’s Battle of Cowpens. We bring this up not to shame our history teachers—we get it, there’s a lot of important stuff to get through, and you might as well focus on the greatest hits—but rather to remind America that there was a lot of badassery going down in the American Revolution that gets swept under the rug. We’re here to lift up that rug and show you those awesome, awesome dustballs.
Let’s talk about the time America invaded England.
The 1778 American Invasion of Whitehaven, England
Posted in Miscellaneous America, Pre-1800 America, The Best of the Rest
Tagged America, American Invasion, American Revolution, Americna Navy, continental navy, England, John Barry, John Paul Jones, Navy, Ranger, Revolutionary War, RIP Lieutenant Wallingford, Whitehaven
“Smells like PTSD.”
When Americans are asked what they want to smell like, they tend to respond with slightly worried silence. We understand that, it’s weird. It’s personal. And there’s no way to answer the question without sharing far more about yourself than you’d otherwise be comfortable doing. If you say you want to smell “like rose and cinnamon” you probably are somewhat feminine and prefer sweet breakfasts over savory ones. If you say you prefer the smell of axe body spray, you’re a douchebag. If you respond by saying, “I want to smell like ropes and pepper spray,” uh, Jesus Christ you’re a kidnapper aren’t you? Holy shit, you totally are. You totally are.
So we’re not here to ask America what it wants to smell like. We’d like to guess bourbon and cigar smoke, but maybe that’s just the optimist in us. We’d at least feel pretty confident saying that “like General Patton” would be pretty low on most people’s list.
But the joke’s on you, because not only is there cologne that smells like General Patton, but there’s a whole line of colognes meant to smell like each branch of the American Military! Because gimmicks are the only reason why we buy anything!
Which actually helps explain the popularity of T.G.I. Fridays.
Posted in Strange America
Tagged Air Force, America, Army, Coast Guard, Devil Dog, Earthworm Jim, General Patton, Liberty, Marines, Navy, Parfumologie, patton, rip tide, Rule 34, Stealth, The American Line, United States Military
“You know the deal, people. Just post some random shit that happened today.”
~Johnny Roosevelt, AFFotD Editor-in-Chief
As we discussed in last week’s America Fun Fact of the Day, we really like to half-ass things on the weekend. Yeah, we’ve got our vodka swimming pool and condor egg omelets to worry about, but we do try to give ourselves a moment to make sure to let you know what has happened on each Sunday in America. So, without further ado, here is…
The American History of April 3rd in America
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, April 3, Army Marines, Boy Scouts, Coast Guard, George WAshington, Harry Truman, Jesse James, Marshall Plan, Navy, Robert Ford, This Day in America, vodka swimming pool, Yogi Bear