Tag Archives: vodka swimming pool

America Fun Fact of the Day 4/3- April 3rd in American History

“You know the deal, people.  Just post some random shit that happened today.”

~Johnny Roosevelt, AFFotD Editor-in-Chief

As we discussed in last week’s America Fun Fact of the Day, we really like to half-ass things on the weekend.  Yeah, we’ve got our vodka swimming pool and condor egg omelets to worry about, but we do try to give ourselves a moment to make sure to let you know what has happened on each Sunday in America.  So, without further ado, here is…

The American History of April 3rd in America

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April Fools, a History of Pranks

“Ha!  Your meatloaf has ground up glass in it!  April Fools’!”

~The World’s Best Prankster (now serving 25-to-life at a Federal Penitentiary)

Enjoy the seizures

The America Fun Fact of the Day office loves April Fools’.  That probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to those of you who started reading while anxiously waiting for a terrifying monster face to pop up on the screen like those pranks that terrify little children on the youtube videos.  You, the reader, don’t have to be too concerned about any pranks in today’s post of course- we save most of our energy messing with local law enforcement and personal enemies.  Though, we did contaminate one batch of California grown spinach with a pretty nasty case of E. Coli, so next time you want to make spinach dip, and you start feeling like you need to go to the hospital, then April Fools’!  Ha ha!

Is it worth the risk?  Probably, that shit’s delicious

So don’t worry about being pranked while reading this, unless you’re reading this while peeling open a fresh naval orange (just one poisoned batch, that’s all it takes to panic the shit out of people).  And the ambulances might be tied up, depending on where you are, since most of our local branches have been performing “Shit the Joker did in The Dark Knight” type “pranks” all day long, so the emergency crews are going to have their hands full.  God, we love this day.

Ha haaa!

But we are not here to cause mischief to you, loyal readers.  In fact, we’re here to give you…

The America Fun Fact of the Day Guide to April Fools’ Day:  A History

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America Fun Fact of the Day 3/27- March 27th in American History

“Ugh, I don’t care.  Just have the research monkeys list off shit that happened today.  I need some aspirin.”

~A Very Hungover Johnny Roosevelt, Editor-in-Chief of AFFotD

Today is Sunday, which is a national day of “getting over Friday night and Saturday night” for many Americans, that 24 hour period where you re-hydrate and prepare yourself for another week at work.  At America Fun Fact of the Day, we go to the offices everyday, mainly because it’s got more impressive amenities than any home, and also because we just installed the world’s first vodka swimming pool.  Actually, the vodka swimming pool is the real draw currently.  Just think about that.  It’s a swimming pool.  Only instead of water, it’s vodka.  If you accidentally swallow the pool water, you don’t taste chlorine, you get wasted.  We’ve had to fish so many bodies out of it these past few weeks, but no one would dares ask to get rid of it.  We know the risks.

To be fair, it’s the next logical evolutionary step as far as pool based alcohol is concerned.

So despite the fact that we spend our time in the office, ignoring our “families,” “responsibilities in life,” and “going to the dentist, like, ever,” we do feel compelled to at least pretend to follow the traditional American work week structure.  That’s why, from Monday through Friday, we give you top notch content, discussing important issues like Andrew Jackson’s dueling habits, or how the Washington Monument looks like a dong.

But come the weekend, we tend to take our foot off the accelerator.  We’ll put a photo of the week here, or a clip show because we’re terrible people there, but we tend to prep ourselves for the following week of American Facts but just hopping into our vodka swimming pool, like that one scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day off.

You can interpret this how you want, but did you know that your body can absorb alcohol through its pours?  Well, you can.  There a whole bunch of places other than your mouth that alcohol can sneak into your bloodstream through.

So, we don’t really have the energy, or ibuprofen supplies to research a full, engrossing fun fact today.  Instead, we will present you…

The American History of March 27th in America

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