“Ugh, I don’t care. Just have the research monkeys list off shit that happened today. I need some aspirin.”
~A Very Hungover Johnny Roosevelt, Editor-in-Chief of AFFotD
Today is Sunday, which is a national day of “getting over Friday night and Saturday night” for many Americans, that 24 hour period where you re-hydrate and prepare yourself for another week at work. At America Fun Fact of the Day, we go to the offices everyday, mainly because it’s got more impressive amenities than any home, and also because we just installed the world’s first vodka swimming pool. Actually, the vodka swimming pool is the real draw currently. Just think about that. It’s a swimming pool. Only instead of water, it’s vodka. If you accidentally swallow the pool water, you don’t taste chlorine, you get wasted. We’ve had to fish so many bodies out of it these past few weeks, but no one would dares ask to get rid of it. We know the risks.
To be fair, it’s the next logical evolutionary step as far as pool based alcohol is concerned.
So despite the fact that we spend our time in the office, ignoring our “families,” “responsibilities in life,” and “going to the dentist, like, ever,” we do feel compelled to at least pretend to follow the traditional American work week structure. That’s why, from Monday through Friday, we give you top notch content, discussing important issues like Andrew Jackson’s dueling habits, or how the Washington Monument looks like a dong.
But come the weekend, we tend to take our foot off the accelerator. We’ll put a photo of the week here, or a clip show because we’re terrible people there, but we tend to prep ourselves for the following week of American Facts but just hopping into our vodka swimming pool, like that one scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day off.
You can interpret this how you want, but did you know that your body can absorb alcohol through its pours? Well, you can. There a whole bunch of places other than your mouth that alcohol can sneak into your bloodstream through.
So, we don’t really have the energy, or ibuprofen supplies to research a full, engrossing fun fact today. Instead, we will present you…
The American History of March 27th in America