“Halfway through summer, eh wikipedia? Keep that asshole winter out of here.”
Yup, summer is apparently halfway over, which sort of sucks, but means we still have a lot of summer left in America. There’s plenty of time for barbeques and fireworks and knife fights in dimly lit back alleys, so we’re going to just make sure we appreciate it. And speaking of back alley knife fights…we’ve got one coming up soon. So for now you’re going to have to get your American fix with some…
Today’s date in American history
1782- George Washington creates the Badge of Military Merit to honor soldiers wounded in battle. It was later renamed the Purple Heart and, you know what? We don’t have anything snarky or joking to say about that.
1789- The United States War Department is established, an action that was signified by George Washington removing his visor to shoot lasers in the sky as a warning to our future enemies (it is a well known fact that George Washington has laser vision).
1794- George Washington invokes the militia law of 1792 to suppress the Whiskey Rebellion, proving two things. One- George Washington liked to do shit on August 7th, and two- George Washington fully embraced the American notion of being bad at math.
1820- The first potatoes are planted in Hawaii. This is news…why?
1944- The first calculator is put on the market, helping Americans not need to know math ever since.
1978- Jimmy Carter declares blah blah who cares, Jimmy Carter is boring as fuck.
2011- AFFotD celebrates another summer Sunday by posting about events that happened today in American history.