“Uh…guys, it’s a picture of a blackbird riding a bald eagle. Do we really need to say anything else? Honestly? Have a good weekend everyone”
~Today’s AFFotD
Uh…guys, it’s a picture of a blackbird riding a bald eagle. Do we really need to say anything else? Honestly? Have a good weekend everyone.
“I want to have 12 lokos tonight!”
~This man knows what’s up
“There is no possible way I would regret this later in life.”
Binge drinking is about as American as binge drinking, and no one does it better than Americans. While British people try to binge drink like us Americans, they don’t have the temperament for it, and usually end up just smashing pint glasses into each other’s faces. No, America knows how to do it- you take one part “I love you man,” three parts “AC/DC is the BEST FUCKING BAND EVER” and about twenty parts alcohol. But as we drink, we’re often faced with a very serious problem- drowsiness. Alcohol is a depressant, and it can make you go from alert to passed out in a fairly short time.
He knew the risks
To quote the famous Senator, Tim Calhoun, “Sometimes you want to stay up and party, and the cocaine really helps you do that.” But Cocaine is illegal (which isn’t that big of a deal) and not made in America (which is a big deal) and also doesn’t mix well with alcohol (…probably?) so American ingenuity came up with the brilliant principle…just add caffeine to the booze! It’s so simple! Rum and cokes were soon replaced by more potent mixtures, like Red Bulls and Vodka,s until they finally gave way to the most glorious alcoholic caffeinated concoction in American history…
May cause hallucinations
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged 12 Lokos!, AC/DC, Alcohol, America, Beer, Binge Drinking, Caffeine, Four Loko, frivolous lawsuits, Glassing, Guarana, Red Bull, Taruine, Tim Calhoun, Urinal, vodka, Zombie
“Worst…fun fact…ever”
~The Comic Book Guy
Comic books do a good job of representing American interests. Superman hated Kryptonite because he rebelled against the Green movement. Captain America hated…uh…communists? Probably? Because we do too? Daredevil hated sound because he’s really the lamest Superhero out there. Easily. No question.
Anyway, we just wanted to give you this lovely image for your Memorial Day Weekend, to remind you that people who draw comics know that America is pretty great.
Just…just soak that in. Everything that is said? By the American caped guy? Rings true.
Because Americans don’t liked to be ambushed.
Have a great weekend, everybody.
“Integrity be damned, steal it, steal the damn thing!”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt
As we here at the America Fun Fact of the Day offices work on, you know, teh internetz, we usually have to keep an hear to the grindstone, as people who don’t know how idioms or grindstones work would say. The internet offers us a wealth of information so we never have to do pesky things like “Research facts” or “learn to use books instead of Wikipedia.” You’d think with 20 people in our research staff, we’d be able to offer more breaking news stories, but nope. Huffington Post has more employees than us (basically) and half of their posts are just embedded Daily Show segments and stories lifted from other blogs. So excuse us if we don’t feel the need to get our hands dirty with “knowledge” when we can just do the American thing and steal other people’s hard work.
Yes, we steal stuff in America. Get over it, man. Besides, you’re not even an Indian. You’re Italian. Face.
That’s why we felt reluctant to straight up steal the meticulous work done in this article from superbooyah (who seems to split their articles evenly between “Hot chicks not wearing a lot of clothes” and “Freaky people with scary faces”) that gathered up the “100 Worst Senior Portraits of All Time” for us to marvel at.
His haircut may say “Bowl cut” but his laptop screensaver says…well, also “Bowl cut”.
But just posting the same 100 pictures would be pretty tame (and, well, time consuming for our photo department/that one homeless guy we pay a few bucks to click the “insert photo” button for us), so we’re going to go in a different route by celebrating the absurd Senior Portrait photos that have been taken that truly exemplify America in its most awkwardly adolescent glory. That should narrow down the amount of these hilarious, hilarious pictures we utilize. Right?
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged Affotd's Petition to Legalize Chainsaws! Everywhere, America, Bald man licking his foot, Baseball, Bowl Cut, Chainsaw, Electricity, Frankenstein, High School, High School Portrait, Indian, Instruments, Jason Vorhees, Kung-Fu, Marvin the Martian, Roger Clemens, Rule 34 ·, Serial killers, snakes, Sousaphones, THIS CHILD IS GOD, Tubas
“Who wants to play…the GRAND PRIZE GAME!?”
~Ummm how about EVERYBODY
Many Americans who were not terrified of clowns grew up watching Bozo. He was funny, original, and just an E away from being Booze. But of all the catchphrases and gags from the Bozo Show, one aspect sticks out as the most American game that every child wanted to play.
That’s right.
The Grand Prize Game!
That child just tossed money at the buckets while saying, “Go clean yourself up.”
The Grand Prize game is so unabashedly American its buckets have been used for waterboarding. The Grand Prize Game is such a fantastical icon we’re honestly afraid to do a google search and see if it’s been rule 34’d yet…
Oh Goddamn it!
Yup, the Grand Prize Game was the glorious prize game that everyone wanted to play. Some of you might even have met people who got to participate in the Grand Prize Game, and that literally made them celebrities in your mind.
So, in respect of the a game so great it has “grand” right there in the damn name, here is…
AFFotD’s Breakdown of the American Qualities of the Grand Prize Game
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Batmobile, Beer Pong, Bozo, Bozo Buckets, Mighty Max, Ninjas, Playskool, Red Wagon, Rule 34, The Grand Prize Game, Toys
“OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM”
~Don Gorske
Assuming you’re trying to “keep sober” because your “doctor said he was worried about you” and “your family hired someone to watch over your house and make sure you don’t start chugging bottles of Listerine,” what are the next two ways you can show your love for America without listening to the delirium tremens elephant’s advice to “kill them all and drink their rum”? That’s right, loyal, blind consumerism, and over eating. Something like, oh, we don’t know, eating thousands of the same unhealthy food product repeatedly for almost 40 years?
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Big Mac, don Gorske, Hamburger, McDonalds, Morgan spurlock
~Make it Meta
~Johnny Roosevelt
To be honest, we wanted to post a solid image of the week. But then all the apocalypse/end of days talk has put on on edge. So we decided to just give you a picture of a DJ version of Jesus. Because that seems pretty cool…Unless today is the rapture. Shit. Anyway. Rapture. DJ. Jesus…
Have a good weekend everyone.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Disc Jockey, Jesus, Saturday Image of the Week, The Rapture
“Jigga wha?”
~Jesus
If you’ve ever read the constitution, there’s probably some section in there about how church and state need to do their own thing. We at AFFotD agree with that. Too much Jesus talk makes us feel sort of weird, but honestly there’s just one religion out there that really freaks us out. You know the one. The one that likes fire so much.
Yup. Zoroastrians are weird. We’re fine with all other religions though, but we’d rather not talk about them. Really, as long as you aren’t those goddamn Persian Zoroastrians, or the Westboro Baptist Church, we’re okay with you, but aren’t going to talk about you much.
But, while we choose not to get into religious discussions, we do appreciate it when religions try to convince people to go to their houses of worship, only to do so with hilariously accidental sexual innuendo.
Basically, this is just a veiled excuse to post funny church signs. So enjoy.
“Something something SHAKY CAMERA Woahhhhh.
~Jason Bourne
When you think about America’s secret, seedy underbelly, the people working behind the scenes to make the tough decisions you just aren’t ready to make dammit, what comes to mind? That’s right. Just three simple letters that speak for themselves
The C. I. A.
“Wait, you mean the Culinary Institute of America? I’d say you’re probably giving them too much credit, they really make that many behind the scenes decisiosn that we wouldn’t have the guts to make. Except for, maybe, their focus on microgastronomy.”
…Really? You’re shitting us right? No, not the fucking Culinary Institute of America, it’s the goddamn C.I.A.
“Oh, how silly of us, the Cleveland Institute of Art, right?”
Seriously?
“Well, that’s a C.I.A…”
Yeah? What would the Cleveland Institute of Art have apart from Lebron James “We Are Witness” posters?
“…fine, we were thinking of the Central Intelligence Agency.”
Goddamn right you were.
Congratulations, readers. Once you opened this page, you officially were placed on the government’s watch list. Do you feel proud of this achievement? Well, don’t get too ahead of yourself, most of that is because of the secretive, awesome abilities of the CIA and their assets.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, C.I.A., CIA, National Treasure, Nicolas Cage, Susan Burns
“Run it.”
~Johnny Roosevelt
There are times when we over-explain an image. And there are times where we don’t explain it enough. This is the latter.
Have a great weekend everybody.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
America Fun Fact of the Day 