“There’s no ‘I’ in ‘drinking while pitching a professional baseball game.’ Or there are six ‘I’s’ there. Shut up.”
~A Drunk Charlie Sweeney
The infancy of baseball in America was lawless time. The World Series wouldn’t became an established event until 1903, entire leagues were created and disbanded over the course of just one or two seasons, and most team names were just, well, silly. Considering that, in the 1800s, baseball was relatively new and didn’t really pay particularly well, the players that decided to pursue a professional career in the sport tended to be pretty eclectic. They had names like Ice Box Chamberlain, they routinely threw games for gamblers, hell, in 1872, during the season, a team’s left fielder straight up drowned while fishing. So in order to stand out as someone truly (and hilariously) noteworthy during this period, you had to either be one of the early greats in the sport, or you had to be an absolute nut job.
Starting pitcher Charlie Sweeney was a little bit of both.
If you claim to have heard of Charlie Sweeney before, we might have a hard time believing you. His career wasn’t particularly remarkable, save for a few bright spots. He played for five seasons, winning one Union Association pennant, and finishing his career with a 64-52 record with a 2.87 ERA and 505 strikeouts. However, in his short time on the field (and off the field) he managed to leave a legacy filled with prostitutes, alcohol, manslaughter, and a few MLB records. So hold onto your britches or whatever the fuck people said back in the late 19th century, because we’re here to tell you about…
Charlie Sweeney: America’s Greatest Drunk Pitcher
“Integrity be damned, steal it, steal the damn thing!”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt
As we here at the America Fun Fact of the Day offices work on, you know, teh internetz, we usually have to keep an hear to the grindstone, as people who don’t know how idioms or grindstones work would say. The internet offers us a wealth of information so we never have to do pesky things like “Research facts” or “learn to use books instead of Wikipedia.” You’d think with 20 people in our research staff, we’d be able to offer more breaking news stories, but nope. Huffington Post has more employees than us (basically) and half of their posts are just embedded Daily Show segments and stories lifted from other blogs. So excuse us if we don’t feel the need to get our hands dirty with “knowledge” when we can just do the American thing and steal other people’s hard work.
Yes, we steal stuff in America. Get over it, man. Besides, you’re not even an Indian. You’re Italian. Face.
That’s why we felt reluctant to straight up steal the meticulous work done in this article from superbooyah (who seems to split their articles evenly between “Hot chicks not wearing a lot of clothes” and “Freaky people with scary faces”) that gathered up the “100 Worst Senior Portraits of All Time” for us to marvel at.
His haircut may say “Bowl cut” but his laptop screensaver says…well, also “Bowl cut”.
But just posting the same 100 pictures would be pretty tame (and, well, time consuming for our photo department/that one homeless guy we pay a few bucks to click the “insert photo” button for us), so we’re going to go in a different route by celebrating the absurd Senior Portrait photos that have been taken that truly exemplify America in its most awkwardly adolescent glory. That should narrow down the amount of these hilarious, hilarious pictures we utilize. Right?
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Tagged Affotd's Petition to Legalize Chainsaws! Everywhere, America, Bald man licking his foot, Baseball, Bowl Cut, Chainsaw, Electricity, Frankenstein, High School, High School Portrait, Indian, Instruments, Jason Vorhees, Kung-Fu, Marvin the Martian, Roger Clemens, Rule 34 ·, Serial killers, snakes, Sousaphones, THIS CHILD IS GOD, Tubas