“Wait, this…this is wonderful. Is this a test? What did I do to earn this?”
When [REDACTED], our much maligned investigative journalist, took over our servers a few months ago to use affotd.com as launching point for his Buzzfeed application, we were pretty pissed off at first. Normally, we’d respond to such disrespect by making him talk about Cricket, or maybe force him to eat something with tofu on it. But after some deep reflection (read as, heavy drinking) our editorial staff decided that maybe we were going about it all wrong. You catch more flies with honey, as the saying goes, though we can’t for the life of us figure out why anyone would want to exert effort catching flies in the first place. So maybe, instead of punishing [REDACTED], we should give him a video we know he’ll love, and allow him to write about that.
Yeah, it probably won’t do much good, and we’ll probably start giving him horrific white celebrity raps (Ron Jeremy anybody?) as soon as we come down from this Jack Daniels buzz, but at least today [REDACTED] can spend a few thousand words picking out screen grabs from a wonderfully American video. Because look at that picture up there. Isn’t that the most goddamn beautiful start to a video you can possibly imagine? [REDACTED] better appreciate what we’re doing for him here.
[REDACTED] Watches Con Bro Chill’s “Born Free America”