Tag Archives: Bald Eagle

[REDACTED] Watches Con Bro Chill’s “Born Free America”

“Wait, this…this is wonderful.  Is this a test?  What did I do to earn this?”

~[REDACTED]

con bro chill

When [REDACTED], our much maligned investigative journalist, took over our servers a few months ago to use affotd.com as launching point for his Buzzfeed application, we were pretty pissed off at first.  Normally, we’d respond to such disrespect by making him talk about Cricket, or maybe force him to eat something with tofu on it.  But after some deep reflection (read as, heavy drinking) our editorial staff decided that maybe we were going about it all wrong.  You catch more flies with honey, as the saying goes, though we can’t for the life of us figure out why anyone would want to exert effort catching flies in the first place.  So maybe, instead of punishing [REDACTED], we should give him a video we know he’ll love, and allow him to write about that.

Yeah, it probably won’t do much good, and we’ll probably start giving him horrific white celebrity raps (Ron Jeremy anybody?) as soon as we come down from this Jack Daniels buzz, but at least today [REDACTED] can spend a few thousand words picking out screen grabs from a wonderfully American video.  Because look at that picture up there.  Isn’t that the most goddamn beautiful start to a video you can possibly imagine?  [REDACTED] better appreciate what we’re doing for him here.

[REDACTED] Watches Con Bro Chill’s “Born Free America”

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The Latest And The Greatest From The Mountain and Big Face Animal Shirts

“If you DON’T own the ‘Three Wolves Howling At The Moon’ shirt, you’re an awful person and I hate you.”

~Gandhi

 wolf shirt

The staffers of AFFotD have a soft spot in their heart for The Mountain, the geniuses behind the Big Face Animal shirts who still haven’t taken us up on our offer to graciously accept any free products they’d be willing to send our way, but that’s neither here nor there.  The Mountain is staffed by dedicated workers who, we assume, are a lot like us here in the America Fun Fact of the Day offices.  We imagine that they, like us, spend their weekdays recovering from the temporary blindness that inevitably occurs after swigging moonshine from a poorly maintained sill, whispering into the void “what now?” as the void whispers back “you need a T-shirt of a Gorilla in a spacesuit giving you a thumbs up.”  The void is wise.

The Mountain has perfected the art of T-shirts that are stylish, comfortable, and work surprisingly well as a makeshift pot handler in a mobile meth lab, but that doesn’t mean they’re content to rest on their laurels watching stacks of dollar dollar bills flood their P.O. boxes.  No, they are constantly striving to make new and exciting shirts because goddamn it, someone out there wants to wear a giant house fly face on their chest, and if The Mountain isn’t going to oblige them, who the fuck will?

So every now and then we like to bring up The Mountain catalog and list some shirts you need to be buying at this very moment.  It’s partially a public service announcement, partially a play to get free shit from The Mountain, and somehow the free publicity we offer actually counts towards our community service hours for some reason.  America!

The Latest And The Greatest From The Mountain and Big Face Animal Shirts

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America Fun Fact of the Day 6/4- Saturday Image of the Week

“Uh…guys, it’s a picture of a blackbird riding a bald eagle.  Do we really need to say anything else?  Honestly?  Have a good weekend everyone”

~Today’s AFFotD

Uh…guys, it’s a picture of a blackbird riding a bald eagle.  Do we really need to say anything else?  Honestly?  Have a good weekend everyone.

Saturday’s AFFotD Image of the Week: March 12th

“Because art is better when I am in it.”

~Teddy Roosevelt

Though last week’s image of the week shows Teddy Roosevelt riding a moose, we figured that art could also accurately express the level of America that Teddy Roosevelt displays.  Of course, we were right.

Teddy Roosevelt is going to punch you in the face, and a bald eagle is just going to sit there and let it happen.  Have a good weekend, folks.

The “Are You American” Quiz

“Congratulations, you have won Jeopardy!   Did I mention that when I was in my 40s, I married a 27 year old woman?”

~Alex Trebek


As fine purveyors of all things American, sometimes it is necessary for America Fun Fact of the Day writers to take a step back and think about what America means to them.  Yes, it is a country, a way of life, and the creator of all things awesome.  This we know.  We know that we are Americans, either by blood or by love, and our fervor for this hunk of a continent knows no equal.

But every once and a while, a non-American tries to infiltrate our ranks.  Yes, Ivan Drago might stroll in, Carl Weathers in tow, and start to beat him mercilessly in front of us while saying, “If you do not hire me….he dies.”  And as he tells us about the time where robbers broke into his house, tied up his wife, and then left without taking anything just because they saw a picture of him in the house and realized, “Holy shit, Ivan Drago’s going to kill us when he finds out,” we might fool ourselves into thinking, “Yes, maybe he is American.”  But then, we remember Rocky beating the shit out of him to win the Cold War, and the fact that the name “Dolph” is a pretty shitty name.  And since you are able to read “Dolph Lundgren has a shitty name, fuck you Dolph Lundgren” without his hand punching through your computer and breaking your nose, that means that he is clearly not American enough.  And we were right to not hire him for that reason, and we totally sent Mrs. Weathers a really nice bouquet of flowers for the funeral.

Since other people can mask their accents, or not be named “Dolph,” we sometimes have to take the psychological route to determine who among us are truly American.  It is for that reason that you, dear readers, will be able to take our handy “Are You American” quiz.  It’s full of questions meant to separate the Patriots from the Portuguese, the Americans from the Albanians, and the Freedoms from the….French.

All french people are mimes.  True story.

So please take our test below.  For each multiple choice question, A is worth 0 points, B is worth 1 point, C is worth 3 points, and D is worth 5 points.  So add up your score, and check our scoring guide at the bottom of the page.  Good luck trying to pass this test, comrade.

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