Monthly Archives: July 2011

America Fun Fact of the Day July 31st- July 31st in American History

Posted on July 31, 2011 | Leave a comment

“End of July, end of the week, end of me caring.  Just post one of those day in history dealies.”

~Johnny Roosevelt

As July comes to a close, Americans are in the middle of Bar-B-Q season.  Meat is being seared by greenhouse gasses and it tickles us pink at the AFFotD offices.  So much so that we just use the term “tickles us pink” without a hint of irony.  And we hate that phrase as much as you do.  Trust us.

Sundays are for grilling.  Today is Sunday.  So we’re not going to waste our time writing about “things” so instead we’ll just write about American things that have happened today in history.  Because we are obsessed with the past, and are haunted by things we cannot change.  Those hollow eyes.  They once saw, now they are blind.

Wait, what?

Today’s Day in American History

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America Fun Fact of the Day 7/30- Saturday Image of the Week

Posted on July 30, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Fuck you, kid!”

~Chuck E. Cheese

It’s Saturday, so again, it’s time for another amazing American picture with little description.  Sometimes it’s something simple, like a bird riding on an eagle’s back.  Sometimes it’s…well, a kid getting flipped off by Chuck-E-Cheese.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

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The Mars Cheese Castle

Posted on July 29, 2011 | 1 comment

“With the power of…DAIRY!”

~Cheeseman, a short lived American superhero


Fair warning, this America Fun Fact of the Day will not be about Cheeseman.  We know, you’re all a little saddened by that revelation, but we decided to rip the band-aid off cleanly, and right away.  Shh, shh, it’s okay.  It’s okay.  Drink to forget.  Drink to forget.

But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to talk about cheese.  Not an American history of cheese, because holy shit that’s a good idea but we’re way too hungover for that, but we are going to talk about a little place we have mentioned before in passing, a venue that is all beer, cheese, and absurd Midwestern ideals of grandeur.

We’re talking about…the Mars Cheese Castle, in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

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Wendy’s Presents America Fun Fact of the Day 7/28- Deep in the Heart (Attack) of Texas

Posted on July 28, 2011 | 3 comments

“Earn your money, whore.  Earn your money and talk about our damn Frosties.”

~Wendy’s Executives


The staff of AFFotD are not, by the general definition, foodies.  We appreciate a fine steak as much as anyone, and we might have had an embarrassingly sexual response to hearing about gourmet cocktails that house Old Fashioneds inside an ice-shaped egg, and we’ll even shell a hundred bucks on a dinner and actually appreciate the meal, but…come on, people, we’ve written two articles about deep fried foods.  So if you tell us about any dish with the term “reduction sauce” in it, our eyes are likely to roll into the back of our heads like an A.D.D. Epileptic.  So when we scour the internet to find the latest American food inventions (Sponsored, as always, by Wendy’s.  Wendy’s: They pay us to dance and goddamn it we’re going to dance!) we don’t look for exciting uses of quail egg, or quick-freeze layers of liquefied ox tail, hell no, we want to see unhealthy shit piled up as high as our cholesterol.

And that’s when we found…

The “Deep in the Heart (Attack) of Texas” sandwich.  Yes.   Yes.  All of this yes.  (………Sponsored by Wendy’s)

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The Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919

Posted on July 27, 2011 | 1 comment

“It’s EVERYWHERE!  Oh God…it’s so STICKY…”

~Boston, 1919

Americans are not above tragedy.  Even the most American of us have been knocked down in their prime, while others slowly fade away into obscurity.  But one thing remains constant, there are certain fates that feel more American to befall an individual than others.  Various cultures have their own cultural expectations for loss, and some tragedies can be painted with a silver lining that can give solace to the rest of us.  When a building collapses, it shocks and saddens us, but when we find out that an aggressive orgy was the reason for the building’s collapse, we at least knew that the victims went down swinging.

Which brings us to one of the most delicious fatal disasters in American history.  We are referring to, of course, the Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919.

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Posted in Strange America

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Wherein AFFotD Defends American Speech Patterns From The Radical And Problematic Views Of The Foolish British

Posted on July 26, 2011 | 1 comment

“I don’t even care, you guys.  They’re not even people.  They’re just…British.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt


Much like a stubborn teenager who grew up to be far more successful and powerful than their father, America has a complicated relationship with England.  We ran away from home, they burned down our President’s House, we made them feel embarrassed by being so American and awesome, but we still keep in touch sometimes and we like to say that we’re still pretty close friends even though we only see each other a few times a year.

So it always saddens us when we hear British people foolishly try to tell us we’re doing shit wrong.  It doesn’t happen often, because after we remind them that we saved their asses in doubleyou doubleyou two, they fucking owe us, but they still sometimes let criticisms squeak through.

Like this BBC article listing off the 50 “worst” “Americanisms.”  Pssh, way to be oxymoronic, douchebags.  In their classic attempt to write an article without writing an article, these dentist’s nightmares decided to have their readers mail in their least favorite “Americanisms,” as long with an explanation of why they’re bothered by it.

Let’s go through the list and tell them why they’re wrong wrong wrong.  Goddamn limeys.

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The American History of Coleslaw

Posted on July 25, 2011 | 9 comments

“It’s always a touch decision between that, the Mac and Cheese, and the mashed potatoes, isn’t it?”

~Colonel Sanders


One of the most widely available and American acceptable “salads” also happens to be the most secretive.  Much like a Jeremy Piven character in a John Cusack Romantic Comedy, Coleslaw is always there but rarely thought about.

But this is a food that sits alongside American food champions like Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, and Fried Chicken, while managing to break past it’s “vegetable-based” roots and be fairly unhealthy for you when done right, and it’s Wikipedia page has less information than the entry on Paris Hilton’s products and endorsements.  It’s a damn shame, because any food drowned in mayonnaise deserves to be known.  That is why we here at AFFotD are making it our duty to present to you…

The American History of Coleslaw

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America’s Rating System

Posted on July 24, 2011 | 1 comment

“I want to see whatever movie is rated ‘Um holy shit.’”

~America’s movie going audiences


America likes going to see the movies.  Granted, they don’t always like going to see good movies, but movies are still seen nonetheless.  Of course, we don’t want children under the age of 4 seeing dismemberments, and we really like making it hard for thirteen year olds to see large projected breasts, so the MPAA is there to put arbitrary ratings on each movie.

Obviously, each of these ratings represents a different level of American values.  Because some movies like to have vegetables talk to you about Jesus, and are rated accordingly, while other’s like to say “motherfucker” while they explode the shit out of a plane.  That is why we are here with a handy guide to let you know what to expect when you’re watching a film of a certain rating.

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America Fun Fact of the Day 7/23- Saturday Image of the Week

Posted on July 23, 2011 | Leave a comment

“THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME!”

~A…book?  right?

We at America Fun Fact of the Day have a credo.  You may have heard of it.  It goes…fuck nature.  And here’s the thing.  When you have a common enemy, the best thing you can hope for?  That’s right.  You want them…TO DO BATTLE!

BEAR VERSUS TIGER!  No matter who wins…we win!

Have a great weekend everyone.  Congratulations to every American named Joe and Katie getting married today.

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A Rundown of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Competition

Posted on July 22, 2011 | 3 comments

“It’d take YOU a few weeks to do a write up too if you were recovering from a meat coma.”

~AFFotD’s Hot Dog Reporter


July 4th was a day with one of the most American traditions we can think of.  Well, fireworks too, but mainly we’re talking about the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.  As you no doubt remember, AFFotD has chronicled the American ways of Competitive Eating, so it only seemed sporting that we let you know how this year’s Super Bowl of food competitions went.  We hired a Hot Dog freelance writer to try to keep up with the competition, Hot Dog for Hot Dog.  No, it wasn’t that Japanese guy that refused to sign a contract with the professional eating league and now complains about it when they don’t let him compete, our writer only lasted about 30 hot dogs until his stomach distended and he lapsed into a very literal coma.  Ha ha, jokes on him, freelancers don’t get insurance, boo-ya!

Now whenever he closes his eyes this is all he sees.

As a result we have an inside scoop, and once he regained lucidity we were able to go to the presses and report on…

The AFFotD Rundown of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

 

 

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