The Mars Cheese Castle

“With the power of…DAIRY!”

~Cheeseman, a short lived American superhero

Fair warning, this America Fun Fact of the Day will not be about Cheeseman.  We know, you’re all a little saddened by that revelation, but we decided to rip the band-aid off cleanly, and right away.  Shh, shh, it’s okay.  It’s okay.  Drink to forget.  Drink to forget.

But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to talk about cheese.  Not an American history of cheese, because holy shit that’s a good idea but we’re way too hungover for that, but we are going to talk about a little place we have mentioned before in passing, a venue that is all beer, cheese, and absurd Midwestern ideals of grandeur.

We’re talking about…the Mars Cheese Castle, in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

While our Midwestern readers, especially those in Wisconsin and Illinois, are quite familiar with the Mars Cheese Castle, our East Coast readers might be mumbling to themselves, “The fuck is this shit?  I don’t know anything about any goddamn cheese store in Wisconsin.”  Well, you gotta deal, you can put the Yankees game in the background or whatever, not everything is about you, okay New York?  God.


Founded in 1947, the Mars Cheese Castle has everything we at AFFotD need in a ridiculous store.  Do you sell unhealthy food?  Check.  Can we get craploads of beer at your store?  Check.  Are you kitschy as shit?

Check and mate.

The Cheese Castle is your one-stop shop for all of Wisconsin’s vices (except for obesity, but that’s just ‘cause you can’t technically “sell” obesity, though Lord we’ve tried).  Beer that is only available in the state of Wisconsin is yours to buy.  All the cheese your clogged heart can dream of is at your fingertips.  Cheese curds, dammit!  Cheese curds!

Johnny Cash and John F. Kennedy have shopped there, and they have a bar that comes with free cheese spread, because this is America dammit, shame on bars that don’t offer free cheese spreads to go with your drinks.

So remember, America, when you find yourself traveling from Chicago to Milwaukee…yes, grab yourself some beer and cheese.  It’s a fucking cheese castle people.


One response to “The Mars Cheese Castle

  1. Pingback: The American States Of America: The Most American Qualities Of Every State (Part 6 of 10) | affotd

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