“End of July, end of the week, end of me caring. Just post one of those day in history dealies.”
As July comes to a close, Americans are in the middle of Bar-B-Q season. Meat is being seared by greenhouse gasses and it tickles us pink at the AFFotD offices. So much so that we just use the term “tickles us pink” without a hint of irony. And we hate that phrase as much as you do. Trust us.
Sundays are for grilling. Today is Sunday. So we’re not going to waste our time writing about “things” so instead we’ll just write about American things that have happened today in history. Because we are obsessed with the past, and are haunted by things we cannot change. Those hollow eyes. They once saw, now they are blind.
Today’s Day in American History
1777- The Continental Congress passes a resolution allowing Marquis de Lafayette to serve for the Army. This is hard to internalize, because while Lafayette did a lot to help America, and is notably badass, he was a Frenchman. But, it does say something about America that when we asked for a Frenchman’s help, it had to be passed by Congress. That’s right, asking for a Frenchman’s help is basically the same as raising the debt ceiling.
1790- The first ever U.S. Patent is invented. Though not as incredibly insane as many patents, it is a bit surprising to hear that the first ever patent awarded in America was for a potash process. We’ll give you time to google what “potash” is. No it doesn’t have anything to do with potatoes. And yes we know that the wikipedia page for it is also pretty confusing. Potash. Deal with it.
1813- The British invade Plattsburgh, New York during the War of 1812. American officials said, “Where?” and ignored it, which is why Plattsburgh currently has the lowest self-esteem of any city on the East Coast.
1849- Benjamin Chambers invents the breech loading canon. Very little is more American than things that blow shit up.
1909- Bill Burns has a no hitter broken up with two outs in the ninth. Really, that happened, and someone documented it as an important thing that happened today in History. Keep in mind that as of today there have been 272 no hitters. Yeah, slow news day.
1981- A 42-day long baseball strike ends.
2011- America Fun Fact of the Day talks about today in History, is surprised that a lot of pointless stuff happened in baseball.