Category Archives: America Fun Fact of the Day

Tagged Abraham Lincoln, America, Bank account, Booze, Chicago, Chicago Redeye, Coyote, David Blaine, E-Coli, Facebook, Groupon, Ice Dreams, Johnny Roosevelt, Kiera Knightley, Mike Adams, Natalie Portman, New York Times, Newspapers, Newspapers are Obsolete, scratch-off tickets, Simpsons, South Park, Themes, What Would You do With 100 Dollars, Zachary Taylor

America Fun Fact of the Day 5/8- May 8th in American History

Posted on May 8, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Uhhhhhhhhhh?”

~Johnny Roosevelt, After Being Poked By a Stick

Cinco de Mayo was pretty rough on the higher ups here at the America Fun Fact of the Day offices. We’re not here to name names, but certain descendants of certain badass presidents tried to see if they could chug an entire bottle of Tequila. It didn’t work out too well.

Here’s the thing about Tequila- unlike Whiskey, which is a cultivated art form in America, Tequila is a foreign liquor that invades American livers like, uh…some sort of liver termites? That’s gross. Like we said, Tequila does weird things to American minds.

We woke up and this was our damn screensaver

Anyway, when we’re not mentally able to give you an informative fact, we always have one Sunday tradition to fall back on…no, not church. It’s…

The American Events on the American Day of May 8th

Tagged 1984 Olympics, 1984 Olympics Boycott, America, Coca-Cola, Draft, March 8 Fun Fact, March 8 in History, Mexican-American War, Olympics, Paramount, Paramount Pictures, Post Office, Soviet Union, Today in American History

The Art of the Man Hug

Posted on May 5, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Dude?”

~Dude

Every great nation, and every historical era, has bred specific social groups that follow seemingly arbitrary social guidelines. Frontiersmen in the Wild West (or Jim fucking Bowie or Andrew “Straight-Up-Killer” Jackson) followed an elaborate series of rules and regulations for duels. British dandies were supposed to look like girls or something. Hippies chose to look and smell disgusting at all times. No, seriously. They can never be clean.

GOD that decade was a mess.

As America surges ever deeper into the 21^st century, various socially prevalent groups have taken their niche positions in American culture, but one trait is shared by the males of every one of these groups. That would be the ability, and willingness, to perform the Man Hug.

The man hug is for men what naked pillow fighting is for women- namely, an important affirmation of one’s gender that should be done far more frequently and in the most public places possibly. But it is more than just a greeting or a vehicle for the term “No homo” to gain notoriety. No, it exists as a manly and American greeting for 50% of our nation’s population, since apparently people get uncomfortable when you slap their ass. Yeah, we’re looking at you, Frank, you know you liked it.

The Man Hug is so important to America that there’s even a how-to video for it on the internet. That places “Man Hugs” on a level of importance in American society between knowing how to tie your own tie, and knowing how to start a grill.

So we feel it is our duty, as Americans, to teach the male readers out there how to properly perform a Man Hug. Some of you know how to do it naturally, some of you struggle with the concept.

The Man Hug hugs manages to be more personal than the too-formal handshake without the potential awkwardness of the too-much-of-a-chance-that-the-…you-know…-penises-might-touch regular hug. According to Wikipedia, “The origin of this hug is not clear” which is clearly bullshit.

The Man Hug, or as it is more hilariously know, the Bro-Grab, Homie Hug, or Shug, was discovered in the early 1980’s when deodorant technology had yet to catch up with cocaine use. The result was a lot of very sweaty, very friendly men who were wearing oddly expensive polyester blazers, which were often ruined for the evening by one poorly chosen hug. Enter, the Man Hug, which minimized contact while allowing you to establish yourself as a close friend or confidant.

The Man Hug is easy to perform, and almost never results in the two dudes kissing. All you have to do is follow these easy steps.

Tagged America, Andrew Jackson, British Dandies, Bro Hug, Dude Hug, Hippies, Hug, Jim Bowie, Man Hug, Wild West

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead

Posted on May 3, 2011 | 1 comment

“Wow…we kinda called it we guess?”

~Trey Parker and Matt Stone

The past 24 hours have been a whirlwind of news, commentary, and discussion regarding the death of Osama Bin Laden. After nearly ten years of being the most wanted man on the planet, Osama was tried for charges of being Osama Bin Laden, where he was found guilty. It was a pretty short trial. No doubt, literally dozens of Americans turned to AFFotD yesterday expecting a hard hitting take on the death of the world’s largest Dickweed. Instead, you were treated to a discussion of Andrew Johnson being sworn in as Vice-President while stinking drunk.

“That’s all well and good,” you all thought. “But dammit, where is my Osama Bin Laden coverage!?” Well, we can understand your confusion, but we figured it was best to wait a day before doing a fun fact on the death of a man who is such an asshole that proctologists use a scale model of his face to learn how to check for Hernias. So, we chose to wait a day, spending our time reflecting on the moral ambiguity of celebrating the death of an individual doing a lot of celebration drinking.

As such a huge event in American history, it’s a lot to take in.

Our sentiment exactly, Mr. Hester.

But now, we are here to fight through the hangover, and give you all a thorough, in depth discussion of this momentous occasion, as we present…

AFFotD’s Look into the Death of Osama Bin Laden

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Tagged America, Andrew Johnson, Bin Laden, Conspiracy Theories, Devin Hester, Halloween, Hide and Seek Champion, Illuminati, Kim Jon-Il, Matt Stone, Michael Meyers, Mission Accomplished, Osama Bin Laden, Osama Bin Laden is Dead, Pakistan, President Bush, Return of the Jedi, South Park, Special Forces, Trey Parker, Zombie Awareness Month

America Fun Fact of the Day 4/30- Saturday Image of the Week

Posted on April 30, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Ha!”

~AFFotD Staff

Sometimes, on an American Saturday, you feel the need to see a dog with a doughnut on its head.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Tagged America, Dog, Dog with Doughnut on its head, Doughnut, Saturday Image of the Week

America’s Crazy Celebrity Mug Shots (Part 3)

Posted on April 21, 2011 | 1 comment

“You are absolutely not surprised to see we’ve been arrested.”

~Everyone appearing in this article

As we’ve seen in the last two days of fun facts, American celebrities like to really make it a point to let you know that they can get away with anything. And below, the final group of celebrities, prove that this is pretty much true. America is a great place to be famous!

…But that’s not stopping us from taking great pleasure in seeing these smug mug shots.
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Tagged America, Dennis Quaid, Home Improvement, Independence Day, Jessica Simpson, John Mayer, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Mug Shot, Randy Quaid

America’s Crazy Celebrity Mug Shots (Part 2)

Posted on April 20, 2011 | 3 comments

“Ahhhh…Cocaine…”

~Robert Downey Jr.

As mentioned in yesterday’s fun fact, American celebrities take advantage of their wealth to practice their “I don’t give a shit” faces for mug shots. Continuing with that theme, AFFotD presents to you the mug shots of (currently) respectable Americans.

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Tagged Al Pacino, Al Pacino Arrested, Albert Einstein, America, Andy Dick, Bill Gates, Bill Gates Arrested, David Duchovny, DJ Qualls, Grand Larceny, Guy Fawkes, Larry King, Larry King Arrested, Mug Shot, Paul Reubens, Pee Wee Herman, Robert Downey Jr., Scarface, Sean Connery

America’s Crazy Celebrity Mug Shots (Part 1)

Posted on April 19, 2011 | 4 comments

“Do I look crazy enough? I want this shot to look REAL crazy.”

~Nick Nolte, 2002

America loves a good Mug Shot. The photograph taken by police officers as you’re booked for a criminal charge truly proves the phrase, “A picture is worth a thousand words,” which is a term that we at AFFotD enjoy because reading hurts our brain, and you can pretty much figure out the plot of Yertle the Turtle without having to read the damn “story” anyway. With a Mug Shot, we can see the whole series of events that led to that singular low point, all summed up with a smug look that says either, “I’m so making bail,” or, “Busted,” (depending on how rich and famous you are.)

Yes, seeing an average schlub like Johnny Half-Beard up there in cuffs being photographed by cops can afford us hours of entertainment. The Smoking Gun is able to find enough people with butterfly face tattoos being arrested that they can populate the hell out of their site just by posting these things for everyone to point and laugh at. But for every mug shot of a man making his face look like a shrunken head or moustache-tattoo-saying-“Ladies Love It” there are literally thousands of mug shots that are either boring, neutral, or actively depressing. If Mug Shots of regular people were a football player, they’d be Rex Grossman- when they work, they’re glorious, but most of the time you’re just wondering why they’re on the field at all.

But Celebrity mug shots? Of Americans? Now that never fails to inspire. When you see a celebrity’s Mug Shot, you know the following things. A- the picture is going to show someone either incredibly smug, or incredibly wasted. B- They are going to pay bail shortly after that Mug Shot is taken, so they really don’t give a shit. And C- they’ve done far worse shit and gotten away with it.

Celebrity Mug Shots combines watching Americans embrace their status as above the law, while giving non AFFotD writing Americans a nice sense of Schadenfreude. Actually, we’re not going to use that term, because German is not English, so we’re going to call it “The sense of Ha Ha You Fucked Up.” Or HHYFU. True famous Americans embrace the Mug Shot as the most public way to flaunt your fame and wealth this side of making it rain during the President’s State of the Union address. Which, oddly enough, is how half of the AFFotD staff ended up getting their own Mug Shots (apparently chucking money and shouting, “Where my bitches at?” is not allowed in that setting. Who knew?). So, with that in mind, let us look at…

America’s Best Celebrity Mug Shots (Of Americans Who Clearly Don’t Give Two Shits)

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Tagged America, Criminal, Half Beard, James Brown, Jimmy Buffet, Mug Shot, Nick Nolte, Rex Grossman, Schadenfreude, The Smoking Gun, Whiskey, Yertle the Turtle

Calvin and Hobbes is America’s Greatest Comic Strip

Posted on April 17, 2011 | 1 comment

“You’re not American if you didn’t cry at the end of ‘Field of Dreams’ or after reading the last panel of the last Calvin and Hobbes strip.”

~Official AFFotD Employee Manual

It’s a common misconception that comic strips are only meant for children. Sure, most comics are created with children in mind, but really, the only difference between a sober child and a drunk American is height and reflex time. And it’s a common consensus that if you ask most Americans what the greatest comic strip of all time is, they’ll either say “Peanuts,” “Calvin and Hobbes” or “No, that’s it, those are the only two acceptable responses.”

Calvin and Hobbes raised a generation of Americans, and helped usher the age of the “Children’s entertainment that was literate and accessible for adults” trend that unfortunately was replaced with “Uhhh what the hell is this trippy shit?” It ran for only 10 years, which meant it only was around for 1/5 of the time as “Peanuts” but which also meant that it was featured in infinity times less MetLife commercials. The first Calvin and Hobbes appeared in 1985 when its creator, Bill Watterson, was only 27 years old.

Bill Watterson was able to create two of the most endearing characters in American literary history, and despite the fact that he is a little crazy, he managed to craft an American masterpiece, which many of AFFotD staff members use as influence in their everyday lives.

Here is a list of ways that Calvin and Hobbes has left its indelible mark on American culture.

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Tagged America, Badass Kid, Bill Watterson, Bourbon, Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes Snowmen, Calvinball, Charlie Brown, Comic Strip, Comics, Field of Dreams, Hobbes, Peanuts, Spaceman Spiff, Tracer Bullet

America Fun Fact of the Day 4/3- April 3rd in American History

Posted on April 3, 2011 | Leave a comment

“You know the deal, people. Just post some random shit that happened today.”

~Johnny Roosevelt, AFFotD Editor-in-Chief

As we discussed in last week’s America Fun Fact of the Day, we really like to half-ass things on the weekend. Yeah, we’ve got our vodka swimming pool and condor egg omelets to worry about, but we do try to give ourselves a moment to make sure to let you know what has happened on each Sunday in America. So, without further ado, here is…

The American History of April 3rd in America

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