“Well, that’s a good question, an…wait…no…NO! What are they saying? WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt
The America Fun Fact of the Day staff likes to follow various printed media sources throughout the nation with the same grim fascination as British people watching David Blaine suspended over the Themes. We like to see if it’s going to die, or if it’ll just keep hanging around. For now, media is hanging around.
Though thankfully, newspapers are not making giant stone Abraham Lincolns.
We find one thing funnier than watching Newspapers struggle, and that’s watching newspapers ineptly try to adapt to the information age. Yeah, New York Times, we’re absolutely going to pay to go to your damn website. It’s not like the internet has already found a the surprisingly easy way to bypass the paywall already or anything. Face.
We bring all this up because, in our routine of going through newspaper’s facebook pages (which totally pale in comparison to the AFFotD facebook page which is absolutely up and running) we discovered a question posed by the RedEye, a free publication based out of Chicago. Their facebook paged asked the simple question: What would you do if you were given $100 and had to spend it in an hour.
Easy question, right? “Booze and scratch-off tickets” would be an acceptable answer. “Give me the hundred bucks first, and then I’ll let you know,” would be another one.
That didn’t get through to the 100 plus people who answered incorrectly (“oh it’s a rhetorical question though, AFFotD, you can’t have a wrong answer to a rhetorical question” oh yes you fucking can, dammit). And so, in a manner that we usually on reserve for Mike Adams or children, we’re here to tell dozens of Chicagoans how they would choose to spend 100 dollars is stupid. And just so we don’t have to put down the like, twenty people who said they would spend it on clothes, we’ll save you some time. No, clothes are not an acceptable way to spend the 100 dollars in this situation. Jesus.
And let’s start the list of hate.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged Abraham Lincoln, America, Bank account, Booze, Chicago, Chicago Redeye, Coyote, David Blaine, E-Coli, Facebook, Groupon, Ice Dreams, Johnny Roosevelt, Kiera Knightley, Mike Adams, Natalie Portman, New York Times, Newspapers, Newspapers are Obsolete, scratch-off tickets, Simpsons, South Park, Themes, What Would You do With 100 Dollars, Zachary Taylor
“Wow…we kinda called it we guess?”
~Trey Parker and Matt Stone
The past 24 hours have been a whirlwind of news, commentary, and discussion regarding the death of Osama Bin Laden. After nearly ten years of being the most wanted man on the planet, Osama was tried for charges of being Osama Bin Laden, where he was found guilty. It was a pretty short trial. No doubt, literally dozens of Americans turned to AFFotD yesterday expecting a hard hitting take on the death of the world’s largest Dickweed. Instead, you were treated to a discussion of Andrew Johnson being sworn in as Vice-President while stinking drunk.
“That’s all well and good,” you all thought. “But dammit, where is my Osama Bin Laden coverage!?” Well, we can understand your confusion, but we figured it was best to wait a day before doing a fun fact on the death of a man who is such an asshole that proctologists use a scale model of his face to learn how to check for Hernias. So, we chose to wait a day, spending our time reflecting on the moral ambiguity of celebrating the death of an individual doing a lot of celebration drinking.
As such a huge event in American history, it’s a lot to take in.
Our sentiment exactly, Mr. Hester.
But now, we are here to fight through the hangover, and give you all a thorough, in depth discussion of this momentous occasion, as we present…
AFFotD’s Look into the Death of Osama Bin Laden
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Andrew Johnson, Bin Laden, Conspiracy Theories, Devin Hester, Halloween, Hide and Seek Champion, Illuminati, Kim Jon-Il, Matt Stone, Michael Meyers, Mission Accomplished, Osama Bin Laden, Osama Bin Laden is Dead, Pakistan, President Bush, Return of the Jedi, South Park, Special Forces, Trey Parker, Zombie Awareness Month