“Can I see your report, by the way? I definitely need some masturbation material.”
~Christopher Blair, founder and sole writer for lastelineofdefense.org, in an email to AFFotD’s Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt, directly asking about this article
thelastlineofdefense.org’s Christopher Blair, Indefensible Lies, and the Sickness of Fake News
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged 8k for my tortoise, America, busta troll, busta troll christopher blaire, busta troll racist, chris blair maine, Christopher Blair, christopher blair fake news, christopher blair maine, christopher blair racist, Facebook, facebook fake news, Fake News, gopocalypse, gopocalypse christopher blair, ourlandofthefree.com, satire, thelastlineofdefense.org
“Well, that’s a good question, an…wait…no…NO! What are they saying? WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt
The America Fun Fact of the Day staff likes to follow various printed media sources throughout the nation with the same grim fascination as British people watching David Blaine suspended over the Themes. We like to see if it’s going to die, or if it’ll just keep hanging around. For now, media is hanging around.
Though thankfully, newspapers are not making giant stone Abraham Lincolns.
We find one thing funnier than watching Newspapers struggle, and that’s watching newspapers ineptly try to adapt to the information age. Yeah, New York Times, we’re absolutely going to pay to go to your damn website. It’s not like the internet has already found a the surprisingly easy way to bypass the paywall already or anything. Face.
We bring all this up because, in our routine of going through newspaper’s facebook pages (which totally pale in comparison to the AFFotD facebook page which is absolutely up and running) we discovered a question posed by the RedEye, a free publication based out of Chicago. Their facebook paged asked the simple question: What would you do if you were given $100 and had to spend it in an hour.
Easy question, right? “Booze and scratch-off tickets” would be an acceptable answer. “Give me the hundred bucks first, and then I’ll let you know,” would be another one.
That didn’t get through to the 100 plus people who answered incorrectly (“oh it’s a rhetorical question though, AFFotD, you can’t have a wrong answer to a rhetorical question” oh yes you fucking can, dammit). And so, in a manner that we usually on reserve for Mike Adams or children, we’re here to tell dozens of Chicagoans how they would choose to spend 100 dollars is stupid. And just so we don’t have to put down the like, twenty people who said they would spend it on clothes, we’ll save you some time. No, clothes are not an acceptable way to spend the 100 dollars in this situation. Jesus.
And let’s start the list of hate.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged Abraham Lincoln, America, Bank account, Booze, Chicago, Chicago Redeye, Coyote, David Blaine, E-Coli, Facebook, Groupon, Ice Dreams, Johnny Roosevelt, Kiera Knightley, Mike Adams, Natalie Portman, New York Times, Newspapers, Newspapers are Obsolete, scratch-off tickets, Simpsons, South Park, Themes, What Would You do With 100 Dollars, Zachary Taylor
“Are you shitting me, Fortune Magazine? Hey, guys, from now on we’re using this fucking list as toilet paper.”
~Johnny Roosevelt, Editor-in-Chief of AFFotD
Believe it or not, despite the existence of the America Fun Fact of the Day, there are other publications that make it a hobby to try to tell us, Americans, what constitutes being American. Now, we have to ask you, do High School Basketball coaches go to Michael Jordan to give him pointers? Fuck no, Jordan would use his cigar to scald their retinas. Does the editor of a grade school newspaper tell Ernest Hemingway how to write? The one time that happened, the kid went missing and was never seen again. But yet, we have assholes like Fortune fucking magazine trying to post a “Independence Day 2010” article about “The Top 100 Great Things About America.” They’d be better off getting a slug to write an exposé about taking a salt bath. Our researchers stumbled across this little gem and immediately were stricken with a hate boner. It’s like rigor mortis for when you see dreams die. This article so offends us we can’t even think coherently! Fuuuuuuuuuck!
THIS is the LEAD PHOTO for the whole damn article. A clown desecrating the American flag by blowing out of a FUCKING VUVUZELA! THAT GET SHIT OUT OF OUR HOUSE!
So let’s look at the highlights of their “list.” And may God have mercy on their souls.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day, America's Greatest Fun Facts
Tagged Abraham Lincoln, America, Bald Eagles, Beer, Ben Franklin, Bendy Straws, Bluebirds, C. Dale Petersen, Charlie Brown, Chipotle, Disney, Ernest Hemingway, Everglads, Facebook, Farmville, Fortune Magazine, Fuck Nature, George WAshington, Hamburgers, hot dogs, Iced drinks, ipad, ipod, JFK, John Wayne, Johnny Roosevelt, Kegs, Key Lime Pie, Las Vegas, Patagonia, Redwood Trees, Spring Break, Stealth Bomber, Sushi, Teddy Roosevelt, Tiffany's, Ulysses S. Grant, Vuvuzela, Whisky