“Are you dickbags still online? Why? Nobody has ever cared what you think.”
~Christopher Blair
So you might not remember Christopher Blair. He took a weirdly personal interest in our site (full disclosure, we absolutely started it by sending a drunk and foul mouthed email to one of his writers at like 2AM on a Sunday) back in September of 2017. To bring you up to speed, this 40-something former construction worker runs a series of websites including the now-defunct thelastlineofdefense.org.
That particular site posted a “fake news” story that was what fake news used to be called—a real big old fucking lie. It used a picture of an actual Muslim cleric, saying he was refusing to help hurricane survivors, and it got that cleric death threats.
That greatly upset us, because we are satirical but we do not stoke hatred unless it is very carefully focused to a deserving party (like this article is stoking hatred towards Christopher Blair, but he can fuck off into a volcano for all we care). Anyway, we wrote a Very Serious Piece (seriously, no dick jokes or anything. Okay maybe a few?) about it, which you can see here..
We emailed the writer of the cleric piece (did we call him the C-word? Listen, the answer is yes, but to be fair, the writer was kind of being a C-word?) and he got back to us with some glib comments, basically along the lines of “Y U MAD?” But he pushed it further down the chain until Christopher Blair himself, BUSTA TROLL, blessed us with an emailed response. It was SO EPIC he posted about it on his Facebook page.
His SICK burn was a mix of “lol we have more readers then you” and “look at ALL THIS MONEY I MAKE FROM THIS” with some kind of D-film Bond villain level “we are trolling on the next level LET ME TELL YOU MY PLAN” shit sprinkled in there. It was so DEVASTATING that we posted his email response IN FULL on our own website. We wrote about him 13 months ago.
We’re really trying to do this right by only focusing on Christopher’s toxic personality.
We’ll run down our basic points here.
1- Writing an article trying to trick people into thinking something fake is actually real is not satire, it’s hack as SHIT.
2- If you get more readers than our site by doing that, we…don’t really give a fuck? Just stop doing bad shit that just makes people angry?
3- Christopher Blair insists that he’s a “Liberal Troll” here to “expose the idiots on the far right” and since our posting, people have died because of heated tensions between both sides of the spectrum, so, like, maybe it’s not working out like you planned, Busta?
4- Blair practically pulled a hamstring bragging to us, in a way to prove that we are “worthless,” how his fake news sites have helped pay for his FORD EXCURSION and the $8,000 he spent on his tortoise enclosure. Haha, just kidding, that would be super depressing if…oh sorry, wait, no that is real, that’s not us making something up to make fun of him. Our bad.
5- He’s a truly awful writer, he’s bad for America, and no matter how pissy he gets it won’t change that.
We posted it and immediately got an email from Christopher Blair along the lines of “LOL NO ONE READS YOUR SHIT ANYWAY” to which we said… “Um YOU read it?”
We then had a weird back and forth with the writer of the original offending piece, going by David Tango Foxtrot, who closed things off, confusingly, with, “We may disagree here, but I have to say, you’re a damn good writer. Respect.”
…K?
We assumed that was Christopher, but have confirmed it is in fact one of the only other writers in his employ. But anyway, ALL OF THIS is to bring us to the purpose of this article.
Let’s check in on Christopher Blair, shall we?
America Fun Fact of the Day 